z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Amber's World: Chapter Six

by Christina


One beautiful, sunny day Amber was sitting down, gazing absently out the window. She was deep in thought. Josephine sat on a chair beside her, knitting quietly.

"Are you alright, Amber?" Josephine asked, startling Amber. "Is there something on your mind?"

Amber sat for a moment, searching for the words to explain what was on her mind. 

"It's just..... I've never met my parents before. I often wonder what they are like. Did they ever care about me?"

"You would like to meet them?" Josephine asked.

"Yes," Amber replied.

Josephine took a deep breath. She was frowning, and seemed troubled.

"Maybe we could search for them. There is a possibility they might be in this world," Josephine said.

There was a moment of silence as Amber contemplated this. It didn't sound like a bad idea.

"I would like that," she replied.

"We should start looking in Camelot. We can ask around once we get there," Josephine suggested.

"That sounds like a good idea."

Amber thought about everything that Josephine and she had just discussed. The thought that her family might be in this world filled her with hope. She wondered what they were like, and if they would welcome her back with open arms or push her away. These thoughts kept spinning round and round in Amber's head throughout the rest of the day.

The next day, Amber and Josephine set off on the long journey to Camelot. They walked through the forest, leaves crunching under their feet. It was autumn and all the leaves were a beautiful red and yellow. The wind was harsh; leaves were blowing in the sky around them. As they walked, it started to get darker and darker. Amber's neck kept tingling uncomfortably and she had an uneasy feeling they were being watched. Something felt wrong.

"Something doesn't feel right," she told Josephine. "I think someone might be watching us."

Josephine nodded in agreement. "I feel it too," she said. 

They both stopped and looked around them.

"You stay here," Josephine told Amber. "I'll be back in a minute."

Amber nodded to say she understood, and Josephine walked away. She disappeared into the trees. 

Standing there, Amber felt cold and horribly alone. She could hear the crunching of leaves, as if someone was nearby. Her heartbeat seemed to beat faster and louder. In seconds she was sweating profusely. A voice seemed to ring out in the darkness.

"Well, well, well. Look who we have here."

The voice was gruff, and clearly male. It came from right behind her. Too terrified to move, Amber stood like a statue, her eyes focused on the ground. She silently willed Josephine to return quickly. There was the sound of more crunching of leaves as the man moved. Suddenly he was stood right in front of her. Slowly, Amber looked up at him. He had dark, untidy hair, dark eyes, and lots of stubble around his mouth. He was dressed head to toe in black, and currently leering down at her. He was tall and looked very strong, as if he could crush her with his hands. Amber stifled a scream, gulping instead.

"Hello, sweetheart," the man said. 

Amber felt sick. All of a sudden this man made her feel like a terrified little girl.

"Get away from her." Josephine's voice seemed to come out of nowhere, her voice as sharp as a knife.

The man looked over Amber's shoulder, behind her, where Josephine must be standing. His smile was cold and cruel.

"What will you do if I don't?" he asked, a teasing edge to his voice.

There was no answer. There was the sound of thunder overhead, and it started to rain. Amber looked up at the sky. It had gone very dark. The man was still looking at Josephine, but now he looked angry. He raised his hands and two massive snakes appeared on either side of him. The snakes were green and had eyes that were as black as the sky above them. They lashed out at Josephine. Amber turned around in time to see the snakes fall to the ground, limp and lifeless. Josephine was unharmed. She spoke some words that sounded like another language, and a whip came out of nowhere, heading straight towards the man. Amber watched as the whip hit him again and again, until he was sprawled on the ground. Josephine hurried to Amber's side.

Taking Amber's hand, Josephine closed her eyes. The world seemed to spin around them and they were swept off their feet.


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1417 Reviews


Points: 3733
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Sun Jul 27, 2014 4:52 pm
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Noelle wrote a review...



Hi there! Noelle back again for another Review Day review!

Well, that seemed all too easy. Amber has been searching for her parents for a while now, and Josephine has known where they were this whole time? No offense, but I find that super hard to believe. Maybe instead Josephine could suggest that they go to Camelot to look for her parents instead. Then they would still end up there and probably still end up finding her parents. And it would also be a bit more realistic. Just my opinion.

Oh, you missed a golden opportunity here to create some havoc for your characters! Here is this mysterious man that is following them, and all Josephine does is make him glow and die (I assume he's dead at least). Wouldn't he have been a bit more dangerous than that? I'm left wondering why he was following them in the first place. Wouldn't he have wanted something from them? Or at least wanted to kidnap Amber or something? I'm just left wondering a lot about what this man is all about.

So other than those few things I've mentioned in the past couple reviews, this story is going along quite well. Amber is finally getting to find her parents! I sure hope that everything works out for her. Also, Josephine seems to be a good companion for Amber. It's nice to finally see someone who is willing to help Amber and can keep her safe.

Keep writing!
**Noelle**




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558 Reviews


Points: 1219
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Thu Jul 24, 2014 1:42 pm
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erilea wrote a review...



Okay, this was amazing, I'll tell you that. Just a few errors:

This doesn't sound right to me, I think you should change it.

Josephine sat opposite her

And this sounds weird, too,

Amber looked at Josephine properly then.

Besides those, this was good, and I can't wait to see Chapter Seven in the Green Room! I will review that and like this! Byezeez!





NO U
— Carina