Young Writers Society

I especially enjoy short poems such as this one. Getting the point across without saying too much. I love the beach, so this sits well with me and makes me miss the beach. Only thing I will say is that there is a break between "bro" and "ken", which is probably just a keyboard fluke but just thought you should be aware of it! I especially enjoy the line "emotions raucously holding back in me" because it sounds like the person you're writing about has things going on in their life that just....scream inside of them with no way out. Great job with this poem! Keep 'em coming.

Hey, Sillia here.


This as a poem is wayyy good. I reallly reallly enjoyed it :3 good job!

Really good and neat and short, my only suggestions would be that the word "the" is in front of the following line, not in the back of "rising and falling." Also, having "bro ken" split is an artsy move, but makes the word have less impact. One last thing, if dangerously is describing calm, I would put those words together and not split them.

Awesome job though, keep it up!

Hello, wisegirl22! It's Mr. Powers here, with another fun and exciting review! Today, I'll be looking at this poem, entitled "Seaside Wanderings".

Before I begin, just let me say that for an 8-year old, you're a better writer than most 20-year olds I know.

The first thing I noticed was something in the second line. "Sand holding their ground"... sand is singular, so it should be its ground, not "their ground".

And now, onto the rest of the poem. It's a very creative thing you've done here. Especially the second half of it. The lines go up and down, like the sea in the poem. I also like how you split up the word "broken", as if you were proving it was broken.

In the end, this poem gets a very favorable review from me. Please, keep up the writing. You've got some serious talent!

Hey wisegirl22, I think that this poem, for it's length and the subject it's thriving off of, it's very good. I love the way you made me read it in a toss-about way; with an effect of waves. I've never been to the ocean, so I love reading about it. The poetic manner in which you address it's characteristics is soothing and gives a sense of the lullaby I imagine the sea is always singing. I did not like how cut off and halting this one line was:
"emotions holding back in
me."
This stopped me from reading the entire poem in a fluent way and it was really the only part of it that I didn't like. If you had used an adjective to describe how the emotions were holding themselves inside you or if you had taken the line into a different direction, then it may have been more solid and clean. Overall, I think this is beautiful and I'm very glad I got to read more work from you. Keep writing.

I would love to read this as a finished book. I can clearly imagine the sea at night while reading this poem, and the waves crashing just how you described them. I like the personification you gave to the sea could also be describing how the main character may feel about things if you carry on with this book.
- llorona

Hey, Sillia here.

Ok well.....First off Gea and Uraenus weren't siblings. Gea was the Mother Earth, and Ureanus was the Father Sky, so he was the sky. and saying 'they gave birth to alot of monsters' noooo that dosen't workk. That whole back story really, honestly it needs work if you wish to include it within this story.

Generally, people who pick up a book about Demigods, already know about Greek Gods and Goddess and such so honestly, its kinda pointless.

Another thing, prologues are generally a start to a book. Background on a character, something that happens before the story starts, explaining why the main character has to go through what he/she does. So their defiantly is potential here, but you need to really work on this. Let me iron out a few details in case you want to keep this hole back story thing.

Afraid that some might overthrow him, Uraenus tossed the Hecatoncheires (cyclopes with one hundred hands) and cyclopes (giants with only one eye on their forehead.)

Gaea was very angry at him, and turned to her son Cronus, the youngest titan, for help. He was the only one that would do it. So Gaea handed him a sickle\scythe, and Cronus chopped his father up.

and his testicles fell into the sea, forming Aphrodite, goddess of love, beauty, and desire.

Hestia, Demeter, Hera, Hades, and Poseidon. A prophecy stated one of his children would overcome him, so he swallowed each one as it came. Rhea, not wanting him to do this, replaced one baby with a rock wrapped in blankets, and kept it in a cave. Nymphs raised this baby, and Rhea named it Zeus. One day, Zeus gathered enough courage to overthrow Cronus and release the five children in his stomach in the process.

These five children were named Hera, Poseidon, Hades, Hestia, and Demeter.

Artemis was the goddess of the moon and archery, leading a group of maidens sworn of boys and to Artemis to hunt with her.

I really like this! Some information: Demigods have ADHD and dyslexia. ADHD means that they have natural instincts for battle, not sitting in class for a pop quiz. The dyslexia means that their minds are hardwired to Ancient Greek, the language of the gods. Gods can rarely ever communicate to their children, and demigods have to inure to the fact that they have to go on their own. Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades, the Big Three, have sworn off children since they would probably get killed or attract to many monsters. Instead, Poseidon had Percy Jackson, Hades had Bianca and Nico, and Zeus had Thalia and Jason. Kronos, Jaz's dad, is a Titan, and is not allowed to have children. Khione is a goddess, but there is no cabin for her in Camp Half-Blood. Neither is Nyx. Nyx is a Titan as well, perhaps that's why Jaz and Sadie are best friends. Will doesn't mix be because his mother's a goddess. Guess that's about as much explaining I can get to.