Hello.
I haven't actually read a science fiction poem, so this was very interesting. However, it was also mildly confusing because it took me a second read to realize this was depicting an actual future scene instead of a more whimsical, metaphor driven piece.
My biggest thing was, this feels like images strung together for no real purpose other than description. My biggest belief is that poems should have a purpose, which means you should be asking yourself why you're putting these images in.
The beginning and end seem to hint at conflict that pulls from wild west imagery and the good old American Dream, which would be a good conflict if you actually expanded upon it. The story seems to start with the idea that kids who get spaceships need protection, then they're going to enjoy space, but first you have to clear it, and this jump when each established part isn't actually all that clear gets really hard to follow and in the end is what makes me feel like the poem's a little aimless.
To answer your question, the longest part is probably the "enjoying space" montage, which is really nothing more than a list of images. As I said before, give me a purpose to these images and they'll be fine, but right now they seem to be nothing more than pretty words.
Tell us a story. You have a wonderful concept with so much potential to give us emotions and a deep, new experience in space, where you aren't confined by human bounds, but you don't explore it as much as you could. As a result, I find myself looking for more tension, for more substance.
You have lovely images. Give us a reason for showing them.
Hope this helps. Let me know if you have any questions or comments.
~Rosey
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