Hello MoonlitSlumber! (I love your username! It's so poetic!)
I actually really liked this poem. I enjoyed the descriptions of what he did, and this person's reasonings as to why. I liked the image of the heart growing black and shriveled, but it seemed rather cliche. Perhaps you could tie that image to something else? I'm not sure what to tell you to tie it to. I liked the last part the best, because it rings with truth.
I love the simplicity of this poem especially.
there's one part that I wasn't so fond of.
He did not commit to
This relationship I indulged
with my heart and soul
The part that says "I indulged" just seems so out of place. I feel like it should be before "with my heart and soul." But I'm not quite where where it goes. Maybe you could clear that up.
I think the lack of punctuation works for this poem. Good job on that.
If I was to tell you to add one more thing, I would say maybe just add a few more lines somewhere in the middle with a vivid image that deeply ingrains the emotion of this so that it sticks with the reader forever. Or replace the heart image if you want to keep it short.
Great job, Keep writing!
~fortis
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