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Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

A Girl Named April May

by Cathcath54


It was April when it all began

On a freezing cold day

It was during this saga that I met a girl

A girl named April May

But don't be fooled by fairy tales

It was not love at first sight

It was a chance encounter

Brought upon by the prom night

First I asked sweet Abigail if she would come with me

"I'm sorry Tommy but I can't go

I'm far, far too busy"

So I asked Rolanda if she would come

She told me my idea was dumb

My last hope was Claire, and though it was far fetched

I had dreamed all along that she would be my catch

But I knew from her expression that the answer was no

She said sadly, "Bill already asked me to go."

So I sat on a bench in the cold that day

Until along came a girl

A girl named April May

With braces, with glasses

With really weird clothes

As well as a pimple jutting from her nose

She took a seat and proclaimed happily

"You know, Tom, you should go with me!"

And though I agreed reluctantly,

It began a new time in my life

It began the time when I fell in love

With my lovely future wife


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46 Reviews


Points: 467
Reviews: 46

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Fri Apr 25, 2014 2:11 am
Astronaut says...



Aw, this was cute. For some reason it reminded me of The Night Before Christmas, it just has that sort of rhyme to it. And it wasn't a poem about one instance in time, and what the person is thinking, it tells a full story. Good job!




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14 Reviews


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Fri Apr 25, 2014 1:35 am
Mynameswriter wrote a review...



You had a couple spelling errors in the poem but that was pointed out. You really should fix them, they were annoying. I don't get annoyed over spelling a lot though. Also you need more detail. Poems your supposed to paint a picture and there was no picture painted here just a very rough sketch. Don't take this as an offense though.




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112 Reviews


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Reviews: 112

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Thu Apr 24, 2014 10:32 pm
passenger wrote a review...



That was so nice! However, there are a few mistakes I think you should patch up to make this an even greater poem.

1. During this line: "First I asked sweet Abigail if she would come with me
"I'm sorry Tommy but I can't go
I'm far, far too busy", the word, "busy" puts the emphasis on the first syllable, and it sounds off and doesn't flow with the sentence you were trying to rhyme it with.
2. Encounter is spelled with an "e", not an "i", and weird is spelled with an "ei", not an "ie"' sorry for being picky. :)
3. "She took a seat and proclaimed happily
"You know, Tom, you should go with me!"
And though I agreed reluctantly...". Reluctantly, happily, and me all rhyme, and it disrupts your pattern with lines 2 and 4 always rhyming. "Love" does not rhyme with "reluctantly", and I think from there the rhyming pattern was entirely messed up; I think it would be wise to tamper with that and fix it.

Will these small fixes, I think your poem will be even better. I hope your wife wasn't angry if she read this...haha :D I really enjoyed this poem.




Cathcath54 says...


Thanks for the advice! Especially the spelling stuff... I'm awful at it without spellcheck! And this is actually a made up story, I just wanted to tell it from the first person because it makes rhyming easy. Sorry if that was misleading!




Make your dreams come true. Don't wish for them, work for them.
— Lilly Singh