Young Writers Society

Hey.....inspired by love huh? Its beautiful really!
There are lot of complications in love but if you truly like that person i think it is worth fighting for in the end! You have told the smaller aspects of being in love! it true! So thank you!
Just a clarification:
Dint get what this line meant
"So can I hold you close

Until the sun impose"
Hope you reply!
Keep writing!

Like Starleene said, I really love how simple this poem is. It's short with no punctuation and no frills, and in this case, that's a good thing. It wouldn't have been nearly as good if it was too busy. Your passion and emotion are backed by the strong words you use.

You really did manage to embody the sense of a poem about young love. You don't focus on just a single side of it, or a single emotion. You encompass all angles of young love, and all the feelings and emotions that come along with it.

Hey there Skylarembers! Welcome to YWS and congrats on your first post *claps*
We might as well jump right in since I mentioned it but don't worry, it won't hurt to bad ;D

First and foremost, I loved the simplicity of the poem. A lot of times writers will try to crowd their work with words and un-needed punctuation and I sighed in sweet relief when I read this refreshing bit. As GreenLight24 says it really does embody young emotions. It bold and descriptive, not very refined but lovely all the same.
I definitely think that Light was right when he was talking about line 10 and 11. I get what you were trying to go for but stating fire twice is redundant and can throw a reader out of the piece; it'll make them question the piece as a whole and we don't want that.
I have to say my favorite line is:

Cause days go by like leaves in the wind

Hey there, Skylarembers! GreenLight24 here with a review for you on this fine Monday afternoon.

First off, I commend you for the concepts behind this poem. "A poem about young love." is a description which I believe this work fits perfectly. In the same way that young love is, it's short, sweet and, at times, a little bit surreal. I really like the way this was formatted too. I have often come across poems where the format and structure are set in a specific way but don't really contribute anything to the poem or carry any sort of a deeper meaning. Here I think having the poem centered and not using punctuation works wonders towards the extended metaphor of the "small fire". The intensity of this young love is so overbearing and direct and it continues to grow and grow as the narrator's time with their significant other continues. Having this centered contributes to the idea of directness and electing not to use punctuation presents an interesting look into the emotions behind this. For instance, what the narrator feels for their significant other cannot be contained or restricted in the same way that the text cannot be restrained by punctuation. Well played there.

As far as constructive criticism goes, I would recommend that you go back and give this a really close read to iron out some minor word choice errors. For instance, "Until the sun impose" should probably be "Until the sun imposes." I realize you were probably trying to rhyme this here though. If so, I would suggest rewriting that line entirely. Also, imposing isn't exactly the word I would use there either. I think what you're trying to describe is the sun invading their space and interrupting their lovely moments together. Something like "intrudes" I think would work better. Also, I really like the last three lines (that's my favorite part of this poem) but I think you should consider rewriting the third to last one. In my opinion saying "My small fire that could start a wildfire" describes the concept of young love very, very well, but I think that it comes across as being a little bit redundant since you mention fire in both of these lines. Instead, I think you should say something like "My glowing ember." or "My infant flame." You catch my drift lol.

Overall, I thought this poem was very well thought out and I can tell you spent a lot of time thinking about what you wanted to convey and how you wanted to convey it. Your imagery and descriptive elements were both pretty good, although I think you could spice those areas up a little bit to put this thing over the top and turn it into a very aesthetic piece. Either way, I liked it a lot and I thought you hit the nail on the head when it came to describing what young love really feels like. Great job! I hope this review is helpful for you moving forward and remember, Never stop writing!!!