Young Writers Society

Hi there! First off, welcome to YWS.

Okay, so I really like this.

The mistakes:

The waterfall Is coming
Along with the pain
Slowly falling;

Her eyes cry out
But silence is the only answer,
Slowly falling;

Hey,

Wow this poem seems really deep and personal which I love because it has heart!!!

It is really inspiring!!!

Keep up to great work!!!

~Pinkdinosaurs xx

Hey,

Wow this poem seems really deep and personal which I love because it has heart!!!

It is really inspiring!!!

Keep up to great work!!!

~Pinkdinosaurs xx

This a good poem but in my opinion I think you could add more or fix your ending.
Other than that this was very emotional
As I was reading I really felt engaged
I wished there was a better way to end it
But this poem really describes some people's life right now
There not being any other way out
And as you said they are "Slowly Falling"
But anyway this was a Great Poem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Keep it up

Wazz poppin', Mynameswriter!? GreenLight24 here with a review for you on this magnificent Monday night!

*clears throat*

The very first thing that hit me about this poem was (drumroll please) the emotions. Just from reading the description I could tell that your subject matter was very emotionally charged, so the first question I asked myself was "Does this poem adequately convey a profound set of intense emotions?" The answer? Yes. Yes it does. I love the way you used powerful diction as well as interesting syntax along with repetition of the phrase "Slowly falling" to create an emotional effect on the reader. In my belief, poetry is the emotional literary form and best lends itself to the expression of profound emotions. In this work, that is on full display. Good job there.

I don't really have much to critique here just because I loved this poem so much, but if I had to mention anything, it would probably be the lack of imagery here. Now I know this poem is meant to be more of a subjective piece than an objective one, but I think it'd be totes cool if you went the extra mile with your descriptions of this girl and really added a whole new dimension to the images you've presented here. As I was reading this, I could picture a girl crying out for help and not finding it and I could picture the anguish and solitude, but I found myself wanting something more. Maybe throw in some even more powerful descriptive language and a few metaphors here and there too. Either way, I think the poem is pretty cool as it stands, so I'd only suggest making that adjustment would if you wanna take it the extra mile. Lastly, there was one line that I thought was a little bit awkward. *scanning, scanning* ah-hah! There it is! Okay so in this line you said "Her voice tries to call out." In my opinion, you should change that to "She tries to call out." Let's be real, her voice isn't the one calling out, she is. That;s really just personal preference and OCD right there so disregard this tidbit if you fancy hahaha.

Overall, good job on this one. I liked it a lot and it gave me a very nice break from studying for the Chemistry Test From Down Below. Thanks for sharing and remember, never stop writing!