Salutations, once more.
Okay, the mannequin-servants is, to put it plainly, weird and totally unexpected. I have harboured the suspicion that Braxton's family is too dependant on the wizard for some time now, but this definitely proves it. I also noticed that you mentioned "the second/third prince" quite a lot in this chapter. I understand that you wish to avoid confusion, but repeating it so often makes it rather tedious. I'm just saying...
“Your horses stink. Don’t you have stable boys to muck this place out?”
Is this slang, because I have never heard of muck being used as a verb before. Personally, I'd have preferred clean up, but you know why you use certain words, so I trust if you use slang, it is for a good reason.
Also, I don't think it's the horses, per se, that stink, but rather their dirty stables.
Though Braxton wanted to clock Randall on the head, that would require the effort to turn at least partway solid.
Isn't over the preposition which is generally used along with hit/conk/clock etc.?
It won’t do for anyone other than a valiant and vengeful hero to skin me.”
What on earth? :s
The second prince wasn’t entirely sure what he was looking at either.
As I have said earlier, I understand your using "the second/third prince" for clarification, but here, where Ferrell isn't mentioned at all, it is redundant. Why not simply say Braxton or even he?
“No way. It takes a lot more than just wood to make those things.” The fox bared his canines and a deep, guttural sound escaped his throat. “You have to use souls to make mannequins that seem real.”
Like simply turning people into animals (such as without using curses), soul-trapping elements of a story are ones I do not much fancy. That is not the point though; how does Randall know so much about magic if he's cursed? If it is a side-effect of the curse, the wizard who cast it is just plain stupid.
The most trying thing about walking through the palace with a fox was not the amount of caution taken to make sure neither of them was seen. It was actually the part where Randall needed to sniff every single decoration in the hallway.
I advise joining these two sentences with a semi-colon.
“Your whole palace reeks of the grossest magic I have ever smelled,” the fox complained, “is the coast clear?”
Aha! Another confirmation of the suspicion of which I told you earlier.
“Yes. Now let’s go already.”
Doesn't Braxton find Randall's words odd?
“To be totally honest, I’d jump on him right now if it weren’t for that.
Because Randall is mischievous, or because he doesn't like Ferrell? Probably both.
His eyebrows furrowed and he glanced around the room. “Where are you? If this is a servant using the invisibility cloak I bought, I’ll have you fired right this second!”
I think Randall can see Braxton only because 1. he is a fox, and therefore an animal, and 2. because he is an enchanted fox. Also, it is common knowledge that animals are more in tune with the spectral plane than most humans. Ferrell does not strike me as the enlightened/necromantic kind (take note, the / does not mean enlightened and necromantic are the same, but rather that both can sense spectres), hence his inability to see Braxton.
Both your brothers sort of got caught in this weird inn, one because he was stupid and the other because he was also stupid just nicer and kinder...
Either the just should be a but, or it should be preceded by a comma.
“Meet me by the stables with your horse, and make sure your stable boys do a better job with their mucking!”
In this context, mucking would more likely mean making dirty than cleaning up.
Together, the second prince and fox snuck back through the palace, taking a different exit.
Once again, a he would be more appropriate.
“So, why is Ferrell going to ride his horse while I got to hold onto your tail like an undignified fool?”
The best way to write this would be "I have to", but if you must write colloquially, write "I've got to", lest it be grammatically incorrect.
They waited in silence a few more minutes until Ferrell rode back with his palomino saddled and ready to go.
The preposition for is missing here.
By then, it must have been almost noon, but Braxton couldn’t tell since he didn’t have a stomach as a ghost.
That's a good point, but can he not look at the position of the sun? Even if he can't see colours (can he?), he should be able to distinguish from where the light is coming.
“It’ll probably be nighttime when you get there, so you’ll have to stay the night, but don’t go into the nice inn. Stay at the decrepit one for the night and then meet me outside in the morning.
You used night three times in one sentence! That is far too unnecessary, so I propose changing your sentences to: " “It’ll probably be dark when you get there, so you’ll have to stay the night, but don’t go into the nice inn. Stay at the decrepit one and then meet me outside in the morning."
If Randall hadn’t been a fox, Braxton bet he would have slapped the horse’s butt to get it moving.
It's not a mistake, I merely think hindquarters would sound more professional.
The second prince watched as his brother sped away...
Once again, rather write Braxton.
His fox friend had forgotten to count to three, and the landscape blurred beneath Braxton’s feet.
fox friend should preferably be hyphenated, and I recommend replacing Braxton's with the preposition his.
This was quite an eerie and disturbing chapter, but not a poorly-written one. My only recommendation is that you consider using more appropriate pronouns. Other than that, nicely done.
Points: 17344
Reviews: 293
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