Hi there!
Ah! Now you've mentioned the parents. I guess I just had to be more patient.
"Jason scared her about a month ago. Hasn't been talking since."
You just said it was a week after the push. Now it's a month...
Alright, well to be honest, I was a bit disappointed with this chapter.
It's nice how you add in the part with her parents and Jason being reprimanded. I think you should definitely keep her parents in the story. I know that they're there, but maybe you can try to have them do something in each chapter. It makes them seem like a "real" family. Not that they weren't real before, but you know what I mean.
And then all of the sudden, they're going on vacation. Why wasn't this mentioned before? Where was the foreshadowing where the parents slipped and said something about the trip? I guess they could just be really, really good at keeping a secret. And then all of the sudden they're at the airport and boarding the plane. But what about Mousse? Is he coming too? Can he come on the plane? Were people staring at her in the airport? These are all things that I'd love to find out answers to. Slow down and give us some more details. You've done a good job with that in previous chapters, but this one seems a bit rushed.
On to the next chapter!
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Points: 3733
Reviews: 1417
Donate