z

Young Writers Society


16+ Violence

Lockie

by SunsetSprite


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

I’m lost…Like always, I find my way.

I was lost.

The town was lit up by burning lights; all of them were lined up in a single file like soldiers. Everything in the town was silent and unfamiliar signs were planted in every corner. A black figure flew around me. I was lost on such an incredible night.

But not for long.

I had spotted something unfamiliar in the night. A teenaged girl. Her chestnut coloured hair bounced with each step, with a smirk was painted across her features. Her eyes seemed too cheerful, as if she had just been abused. A baggy jacket was draped across her shoulders, presumably to protect herself from the chilled night.

She eyed me as if I was some alien. “You lost?” she sneered.

I blinked in confusion. “Ugh…I am?”

“Dude, it’s not a hard question. Are you lost or not?”

The black figure glided across the path and stopped behind her. I raised my eyebrow but nodded. “Umm…I am.”

“Uh huh.” She chuckled, “Mind telling me where you’re heading? I might know the way.”

“Ugh…No offence or anything, miss. But why are you out at this time of night…Don’t you have school tomorrow?”

“Now that isn’t really your area to butt in, stranger.” She glared. “But I know you’re lost. So I was wondering if you wanted help or not.”

I blushed in embarrassment. “Right. Sorry, miss.” I sighed in defeat, “Yes, I am. I would love some directions…”

“You came to the right person,” she laughed. “The name’s Samantha.”

“Pleasure. I’m Lockie.” I shook her hand. “Mind showing me to the planetarium?”

“Ah, sure thing!”

The full moon hid poorly behind the clouds. The sound of my shoes squished against the damp path. The stores decreased as we moved further away from the town. Samantha was silent, only humming a repetitive tune that grew louder with each verse. I felt my heart beat out of my chest. Why was I so nervous? The only thing that was the same was the black figure following me. The trees huddled in a tight bunch, covering every inch of the sky. The path instantly turned from concrete to dirt and polished my shoes. She stopped walking and pointed at a building. “There’s your destination.”

I gasped at the planetarium. It was some giant monstrosity, with white paint chipping off the side walls. The telescope, from fifty meters below, had a rusted rim around the glass and looked to be giving up on life. An electric fence was pinned into the ground, surrounding the area. The black figure slumped against a tree trunk.

I smiled at Samantha. “Thank you so much!”

“No biggie, Lockie,” she chuckled. “No biggie at all.”

“Well, thank you again!” I waved, strolling towards the place. However, Samantha had gripped violently to my shoulder and was crushing my bones. I laughed nervously, “Umm…Is there something wrong?”

“Well, I was wondering if you could return the favour. Since I helped you out and all.” Her eyes were dead; there was hardly any life sparking in them. She sighed, “Mind you, I have been searching for your kind EVERYWHERE.”

“What?” I squeaked. “My…kind? What do you me-”

“Cut the act. I know,” she hissed. “That you’re the Man on the Moon. Aren’t you?”

The world paused. The black figure stalked behind her and glared. My hands began to shake violently. How’d she know? How did she? I kept it a secret when I came down here, yet this girl found out. Sweat rolled down my forehead. Reality smacked me in the face and my breathing was shallow. I was a goner.

“H…How did you know?”

She laughed, “Do you think you can hide from everyone, Lockie?” She shook her head, shoving her hands in her pockets. “That’s a stupid observation, don’t you think?”

“Y…Yeah…Sure.”

“And you know hunters aren’t stupid. Now stand still.” she sighed. In a flash, Samantha pulled out a gun from her pocket. The gun clicked and was aimed at my head.

“WHAT THE?” I ducked and covered my ears. Closing my eyes, I was expecting Death to take me away.

The gun fired. Nothing. I snapped my eyes open and turned to face the girl. My heart skipped a beat as the black figure that haunted me all night, was beating her to the pulp. A punch was collided to Samantha’s face, causing her to stumble back. The black figure, who was a familiar woman, stood her ground firmly. Samantha was hit with a side kick and smacked right into the ground. Dirt flew everywhere as I crept over, eyeing her appearance.

Samantha flinched as my shadow covered her. Her nose was bent to one side, with blood oozing out of her nostrils rapidly. Bruises smothered her face like paint blotches. She glared into my soul. “Nice try.”

Samantha jumped to her feet. She eyed the woman, clenching her fist tightly. She stormed over to her, swinging her fist towards her eye. However, the blond lady easily blocked it with a single duck. She slid her foot under Samantha’s and flipped her over. Once again, Samantha collided with the ground. A sickening crack echoed throughout the area. The woman had smashed Samantha’s forehead into a piece of broken glass and caused a deep cut to emerge.

I sighed in relief, smiling at the blond woman. “Nice to see you again.”

She walked up to me, glaring her ice blue eyes into mine. She slapped me across the cheek. “You’re such an idiot! I can’t believe our secret was discovered! How can you let that happen?”

I laughed, “You know me, Izzy.” I pulled her into me and pecked her on the cheek. “I can’t help it.”

Izzy threw her hands in the air. “Whatever! Now come on!” She stormed away, bickering under her breath about how stupid I could be.

I looked at Samantha again and sighed, “Should we do something about her?”

“No! Just leave her there! Now GET MOVING!”

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry.” I ran up to Izzy and walked off around the corner with her.

I was lost on such an incredible night.


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132 Reviews


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Reviews: 132

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Fri Apr 18, 2014 9:39 am
Legibletext wrote a review...



This was a cool story. I like the name too; Lockie. This definitely was pretty suspenseful, but humorous at times as well. I don't know about you, but i laughed when that woman was being beaten up. I don't know why, I guess I just thought it was funny how she thought she was so invincible, but then ended up having her skull cracked open.

I am a bit strange, hahah. Good job :)




SunsetSprite says...


Nah, it's not strange! As long as you enjoyed it, I don't mind!
Thanks!



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530 Reviews


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Mon Apr 14, 2014 5:10 pm
Renard wrote a review...



Hey! XD

I love your opening line :)

I’m lost…Like always, I find my way.


However, I feel like it contradicts slightly with the next line.

I was lost.
For me at least, that part didn't really make sense.

Also, I think that you need to work on making your dialogue sound more natural:

“Well, thank you again!” I waved, strolling towards the place. However, Samantha had gripped violently to my shoulder and was crushing my bones. I laughed nervously, “Umm…Is there something wrong?”
Because as it currently stands, it seems a bit forced. I would break it up, make sure it is clear which character is speaking and think about the most emotive and inventive way they could say it. :)

Keep writing. :D

~BSF




SunsetSprite says...


Thanks! I will do so next time!



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Points: 480
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Mon Apr 14, 2014 3:28 pm
WeltBrecher wrote a review...



Very intriguing, Sprite :) This story instantly raises many questions, which I like and am curious as to where this is going. The part where the shadow figure emerges to defend Lockie is awesome, the fighting is well-written (except you don't block a punch by ducking :P). As of yet, there isn't much to comment on, but I want to review more of your this story if you're still working on it.
I hope you will write more of this story, because I am wondering where this is going and what questions will be answered. If you are writing more of this, I will be happy to subscribe to you. Keep up the good work, Pat.




SunsetSprite says...


Thanks very much! I'm glad you liked it!
It was a one off thing because I recently moved and wanted to write something...So I came up with this.
I may continue it though...Maybe.




The last of the human freedoms is to choose one's attitudes.
— Viktor Frankl