z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Petra

by BFG


I dreamed you turned into petrified wood

one cell at a time, the way a log would,

each cold crystal growing where something alive used to be.

You had already cut yourself off from the tree

that gave you sustenance.

Waiting to die, too young to rot,

you let yourself be buried under dust,

rushing streams, a thousand bones,

a million pattering reptile feet.

A log should not survive such pressure.

Graphite, coal, diamond: there is a natural

progression to these things.

But you would insist that you could withstand it,

sacrificing organic status if necessary:

a life for a legacy, a painting for its sketch.

And I am made to watch
as cell by cell,

crystal by crystal,

you let pride and nature turn you to stone.

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User avatar
333 Reviews

Points: 189
Reviews: 333

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Mon Apr 14, 2014 5:59 pm
retrodisco666 wrote a review...



Hey! Retro here for a review :)

Usually in my reviews I do nitpicks to start with but I cannot find a single one. This is grammatically perfect so Kudos :)

In terms of your context I think this is absolutely stunning. You have some beautiful and frankly outstanding imagery here. I love the metaphor, and more importantly this makes you think.

My personal favourite bit was:
And I am made to watch
as cell by cell,

crystal by crystal,

you let pride and nature turn you to stone.

I have a thing about endings as it is, they need to be a decent crux which brings the poem to a comfortable close and this most certainly does that. It is beautiful and breath taking.

You get a like for me and a sincere thank you because this is incredible.

Keep it up,
~Retro




BFG says...


Thank you! I really appreciate the review! :)



User avatar
13 Reviews

Points: 261
Reviews: 13

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Mon Apr 14, 2014 7:10 am
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anonymou5 wrote a review...



Hello!

Okay, let me be honest here... Wow.

I surely wasn't expecting that when I read "Petra" as a title. I think you have a very good flow of words. I mean, as I presumed, it's a romantic poem, and dedicating this to someone would surely get them worked up.

Here's another thing I noticed: You're very educated. I mean, you seem like you know what you're talking about and I enjoy that. (Graphite, coal, diamond: there is a natural
progression to these things.)

I like the way you end it. The ending is my favorite part.

What you could do to fix this, however, is to describe the person a little more. I feel like I want to know more about him/her.

Anyway. Honestly, BFG... I love it. It's the type of poem I'd get tattooed on my skin.


Good job,
Anonymou5




BFG says...


Thanks! That's really helpful feedback. Glad you like it!




Alexa, are there European frat boys
— Carina