Young Writers Society

Hi! *waves frantically at you* The name is Sarah and I'm here to review!

Okay, it's interesting. You see these stories around a lot, but it's very interesting!

Problems...

""GOD HELP US!" Are the shouts that are heard from behind the giant walls that surround the paradise that the Sintans made for themselves, An empire of human's who are perfect."

This needs some fixing. I've noticed in your story that you tend to add commas where there's meant to be a full stop. This makes it a little confusing for the reader to understand. You could write it like this...

"...Sintans made for themselves. An empire of humans who are perfect."

You see how that makes it look neater?

Also, I don't like what you did with the speech. If it were me, I would've put it like this:

"As I stood behind the giant walls, the cries for help overwhelm me. "GOD, HELP US!" I hear many of them shout..."

I think that makes more sense. But I could be wrong.

"Dux with confusion answered "But I am no god, I am just a human""

The voice got a bit deep and replied "But I can make you more than just a human, I can make you someone who will change the world.""

With these, you need commas. This is to ensure what action is taken place before or after the speech. So, the first one would be like this:

"Dux, with confusion leaking in his voice, answered, "But I am no God. I'm just human."

With this, it shows what the person is sounding like when they talk. For the second one, it would be a little something like this:

"But I can make you out more than just a human," the deep voice roughly replied. "I can make you someone who will change this world."

That makes it easier to read.

Overall, I think this piece is very interesting! I just think with a little editing, it could be something awesome!

Remember, I am here just to help you out. Don't blow me up if you don't like this review.

See you around!

Hello, there. Here's my review.
First of all, you use commas to separate sentences rather than periods. If you're starting a new sentence, with capitalization and everything, you need to end the last one with a period. For example, "A place where they were split into two races, Those who think they are gods, And those who are beneath them." You can one of two things...either make all the commas periods or don't capitalize "Those," and "And." There are quite a few instances where this happens, so read over your story with this in mind and correct these mistakes.

Sentence "He disguised as a one of the filth and went to the banished place named "Infernus"." is confusing. Make sure you're getting what you want across to your reader.

You need to separate your dialogue from your explanatory words with quotations AND a comma. For example, in the sentence, "Dux with confusion answered "But I am no god, I am just a human"" you would need a comma after "answered."

Hope this helped a little.