Young Writers Society

Hi there!

I just remembered what I forgot to say in my review of like, chapter 6. So I'll put it in this review since it relates to this chapter as well as the others.

First of all, I like this chapter. We have a new character here that we need to get to know better. It doesn't matter that that character is a dog. Mousse is going to be a huge part of Ember's life, so it's important that we get to know him more. Seeing the relationship between Ember and Mousse and Sheila and Mousse is very interesting. Maybe Sheila was still feeling bad and that's why she didn't pet Mousse more than a few times. But then again, maybe she's just not that excited about Mousse as Ember is. To Ember, Mousse is a miracle. And comparing him to Braille, her other miracle, is genius. I love that comparison. It really shows how much Mousse means to Ember that she would pick Mousse over Braille.

I like that there is more about Ember's family in this chapter. Sure we still haven't seen her father or her brother in a while, but it's a start. It's not just "Ember taking on the world" in this chapter. It's Ember taking on the world with the help of her family. That's what I like about this.

Okay, so what I forgot to mention in other reviews is that Ember's mother seems way too calm and understanding about the whole Ember being blind thing. Even though Ember has been blind by birth, I feel like her mother would still get frustrated about certain things sh does. And Ember would probably get frustrated too. We see a bit of frustration from the mother in this chapter which is good. I want to see more of that. Right now their lives just seem to be perfect. Well, not perfect, but you know what I mean. I want to see more of the struggles of being blind and living with a blind person. Life isn't wonderful and perfect all the time. You know that. Try and get that to show through in your story.

Keep writing!
**Noelle**

Oh yes yes yes. YES.

Literally the best chapter so far.

I love it. I love the hope Mousse has given her, the love she has for him, and the love he has for her. The immediate bond between dog and owner has begun, and it's already strong. We can tell this straight away.

I like that you finally told us what was wrong with Sheila, if anything. xD Finally, I can die in peace.

I like that Ember is so enthralled by her dog that she has forgotten about Braille. So her mother has to nag, but still, Ember won't get up and learn it until her mom finally snaps and yells at her. I like that, because we see how stressful this has been for her and how scared she is to have her blind daughter go off into the real world with nothing but a dog to help her get around.

And then Ember breaks, and it's about time. With all of this stress, I was wondering when the self-doubt and fear would set in. You also staged her breakdown so nicely, so it wasn't just random and thrown in there. It was provoked by her mother yelling and all of the sudden, the dam breaks and everything comes rushing out. I like that we are reminded that, hello! she's blind, not helpless. She can do this, but still, she's scared. We finally get to see more of Ember and her personality.

Overall, this is getting really good and I am on the edge of my seat, here! So hurry up and post the next chapter and the next until she finally begins school! I can't wait to see how people treat her and if she makes friends or not. (Hopefully yes she will.) Getting good so far; can't wait to see more~

Hey there!!! Cricket here for a review!!!

Well I haven't read any of you're previous chapter's so I won't be talking or nitpicking on plot or anything. I'll just stick with grammar and the pace and all that. Sounds good? Kay. LET IT BEGIN!!!

Maybe she still felt sick and lazy.

I nodded, and got up from my chair at the table. I wondered if Sheila or Jason was staring at me. I hope not. It wouldn't really matter, though.

, I cried silently as I whispered

Hi, Em101cats is here to review again!




This is a very emotional chapter. I just have to get that out there. But I loved it, I really did! I thought that things wouldn't get like this, but you surprised me. You really did! Excellent job making my thoughts change. You really got me that time, as you always do! This story is filled with good twists and turns!

My favorite sentence is this:

As I got in my bed, with Mousse laying at my feet, I cried silently as I whispered, "Don't make this hard for me, God. Please."