z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Forbidden Shadows Chapter Eight

by Em101cats


Bluejay stood still, shocked into silence, his paw remaining where Stormcloud's cage lock was. But now that was empty space.

The roar of the truck's engine coming on snapped him out of his frozen fear. He had to do something. After all, he was the other leader, wasn't he?

He saw the truck jolt forward, but then it stopped. One of the exterminators came out to examine a tire, probably because it had gone flat. Now was Bluejay's chance to redeem what he had lost!

The blue cat streaked forward faster than a poison dart. Covered in the golden grasses that were dimmed in the dusk light, he passed the human easily. By the time he got to the truck's backside, the other strays snapped out of their shock and saw he was missing. Then the were shocked again as they saw their only other leader hopping up into the truck's back, his own will powering him on.

Moonpelt, a twilight-colored female, hissed at him. "What are you doing!" she spat. But Bluejay didn't hear her, for he was too busy climbing over equipment in the truck's back.

By the time the omen-blessed tom reached the window of dim glass that separated the back from the inside, the man had climbed back into the truck. The roar began again, and a jolt sent him flying backward. He began the climbing process again after he got to his paws. Now used to the movement of the truck, Bluejay dug his claws into the equipment to keep his grip, and then he finally reached the inside separation window again.

With only one quick glance the tom found a way to get one of the small square windows open. Wind howled in the opening. One of the men glanced back. He found only an open window. "Eh," he said, "it blew open. Oh well."

Bluejay had been lucky. He ducked for cover behind a box just before the man locked eyes on the window. To his right he saw more boxes of white machines. To his left, he saw empty cages. But one of them was moving. And it had fur inside. Grey fur. Stormcloud!

Bluejay tiptoed as quietly as possible towards the steel bars of the cage his dream-sharing friend was a prisoner to. When he reached it he scratched the bars of the cage. A shrill hiss of his claws on the bars rang out in the white truck's inside, but over the shriek of the wind, only Stormcloud and Bluejay could hear the cry.

And Stormcloud heard it loudest.

She whipped around, ready to attack the hand of the man that was opening her cage. Instead of seeing a man's ugly hand, she saw her highest hope. Her eyes widened in surprise as Bluejay grinned at her. He motioned to be silent, and Stormcloud knew why. The men had closed the window now, so the slightest whisper would alert them.

This time Bluejay was delighted to know that his friend was not at death's doorway at the moment. But he focused on not messing up, and doing that he was able to unlock his cage without the humans noticing.

But his efforts were in vain. As soon as Stormcloud put one paw outside her cage, the car screeched to a halt. They were there, New York AIS - New York Animal Investigation Study. There was no escaping now.


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377 Reviews


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Thu Nov 27, 2014 7:20 pm
Snazzy wrote a review...



Hello! :D
Sorry this review came a little late. :) I finally found the time to get back on here! :D :) I really love this, and I only found one tiny nitpick. :)

"But one of them was moving. And it had fur inside. Grey fur. Stormcloud!"

You really shouldn't start a sentence with and. Maybe you could connect it to the sentence before it, or, you could use a different word, but I like the way you put it. Here is a suggestion-

"But one of them was moving, with fur inside. Grey fur. Stormcloud!"

Or-

"But one of them was moving. The small (or big :) ) cage had fur inside. Grey fur. Stromcloud!"

Either way would be fine! :D Great job on this! I love it!!! :D :) Keep writing!
~Snazzy :D




Em101cats says...


Thanks! If I have the time, I'll probably fix that :)



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Sat May 03, 2014 5:48 pm
Kelpies wrote a review...



OMGlob! I love it, the suspense is still building! How will the other strays get on without both of the leaders? None of them know where to go! Will they follow the truck? I will read the next chapter to find out! I also wanted to point out there is of, and there is off, it is a little confusing. But everything else is EPIC!




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Sun Apr 13, 2014 6:02 am
WillowPaw1 wrote a review...



Hello Em101! Mkay, as usual I am here to review! Ignore any typos cause I'm on my kindle fire... ANYWAYS

I found one nitpick, and here I am to show you.

Then the were shocked again as they saw their only other leader hopping up into the truck's back, his own will powering him on.


I'm guessing the "the" is supposed to be "they".

Moving on.
This.is getting better each chapter! And OMG this is gonna get somewhere! Animal Investigation Study? Brilliant! I can't wait to know what happens!

I didn't spot any grammar mistakes, good job... not much more to criticize so yeah... bye for now!

~ WillowPaw1

(I finally learned how to do the quotes!!!!!!)




Em101cats says...


Oh, thank you thank you thank you for pointing out that. I didn't even notice, even after I reread it, like, three times! :P And cool about the quotes thing, so did I! It was so annoying when it didn't work though :D



WillowPaw1 says...


I know! But its so exciting when you get it :)



Em101cats says...


Yup! :D



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Sun Apr 13, 2014 5:45 am
KaiTheGreater wrote a review...



Hey! DragonLily here to review! :)

I haven't read the beginning of this story yet, but I think I might want to now! I like the whole idea behind this story. Not many people write from a perspective other than human, so I admire your creativity. As for spelling and grammar, I didn't see any mistakes. (I'm proud of you for that!) One tiny nitpick, though- first you said the loud scraping sound went unheard, and then suddenly you were saying that the faintest whisper would alert the men. Kind of confusing there. Also, it seemed kind of short for a whole chapter, but that's not a bad thing! Overall, I thought this was a great piece. Nice job!

Keep it up,
~DL




Em101cats says...


Oh, thanks for pointing that out! I'll edit that out later. Thank you!



Em101cats says...


There. I edited it. Thanks for pointing that out, once I reread it after reading your review I realized it made NO SENSE whatsoever. I made it so the men eventually close the window so THEN they could hear a slight whisper. Thank you!



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Sun Apr 13, 2014 12:12 am
puppys3117 wrote a review...



GOSH! BLUEJAY U WERE SO STINKING CLOSE!!! U FAILED ALL CAT KIND XD jk :3

Spelling: wonderful!
Grammar: pretty much the same.
Suspence: if I cant get the next chapter soon, I might be dead cuz of an anxiety attack XD
Rating: ITS WHAT IT IS EVERY TIME! 5 STARS AND 10 OUT OF 10!!!

Very good!
~puppys3117~

P.S. I can just imagine Bluejay grinning with his little fangs out lol! it would be like this: :)= XD




Em101cats says...


Lol! Glad you enjoyed it! I'll work on making the next chapter soon so you don't die of an anxiety attack. :D XD



puppys3117 says...


good... I was just at the funeral yesterday, so maybe that wasn't the best expression to use :'(



puppys3117 says...


and btw I messed up on the cat fang face. it would really be like THIS:

;; <======= (see the little fangs at the bottem? XD)



Em101cats says...


XD I think Stormcloud would have sharper fangs that Bluejay. Bluejay's the nerdy one, from my perspective. The one who can open the cages when no other cat found out how. Y'know?



puppys3117 says...


ya but still :3




There is no quiet. There is only Doc McStuffins.
— Ron Swanson