Ooh, I like this. Love the idea, and very well executed. I particularly like the way you cut to the chase with the first few lines ("two youths" is so short but tells us just what we need to know). I like the "peeling away", too, although I'm not sure what the paper is peeling away from. "Yesterday's news" is great because it conveys how the relationship is just worn out, grown too old, past its sell-by date, but it works as a visual, too, of a newspaper blowing by. Love it! It also reminded me of the song "Streets of London" by Ralph McTell, the first verse of which describes an old man kicking at "yesterday's papers, telling yesterday's news". I like, too, the way the hands are "coming undone at the fingers" -- again, a great visual with double meaning. Great stuff. As for things I'm less sure about... well, I wanted a comma between "closer" and "peering". And I thought the last two lines weren't as good as the rest of the poem; they were too cliche, too boring given the interesting body of the poem. Although I agree something is needed where those two lines are. Did I mention I love love love the line breaks in this? I do. And it's a perfect length. Thanks for a good read!
-Sophie
Points: 5688
Reviews: 254
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