Hi there!
So as this novel progresses, I've noticed two things.
1) This is 99% about Ember's life and her experiences
2) There's a new story in every chapter.
Those two things aren't bad things of course. In fact, I think they're both good things. That's just what I've noticed as I've been reading this.
So, let's focus on the first point. 99% of this story is about Ember and her life. When looking at the category you put this under, narrative and realistic, that is right on target. Since it's a narrative, the main character should be the one telling the story and they should be telling it about their life. In that case, it works. But as a story as a whole, it doesn't work as well. Let me explain. It's great that we're learning about Ember. She is the main character after all. In the meantime though, her family sort of gets pushed into the shadows. Sure we hear about her mother and Sheila all the time, but what about her father? And what about her brother? Her family just seems to fall to the wayside. Surely the rest of her family is a part of her life more than this novel is letting one.
Onto the second point. There seems to be a new story in every chapter. Now, it's not that you're deviating from the plot line. You're not. But there aren't really smooth transfers into the next chapter. It seems like something happens in one chapter and then something completely different. In a way, that's good. You're not spreading one day over three different chapters. But then again, you seem to jump from one thing to another. One chapter they're sitting around the campfire and the next chapter Ember is learning to read Braille. Do you see what I mean?
I know that you've posted three more chapters after this, but maybe you could keep this in mind when you go back and edit. Just try to find ways to link the chapters together.
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Points: 3733
Reviews: 1417
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