Hi there!
I love spring. Even though I can't see, I love the smell of the breeze that hits and the blossoms blooming. The flowers smell wonderful. Sheila says since I'm blind I can smell better than other people. This makes me feel special because then I can smell things other people can't. I like that.
Yes! Yes! Yes! I love this description! I'm not sure why I'm totally fangirling over your smell and sound descriptions, but I am. Maybe it's because I'm so used to reading sight descriptions and it's nice to see something different. I don't know. But anyway, keep up the good work with your descriptions!
"Stop telling me what to do." Jason spits back. The rest of the dinner is quiet, no one else speaking.
So, one quick thing about this part. I feel like Mother or Father would reprimand Jason for snapping at his sister. Usually parents don't just sit back and listen to their children argue or be mean to each other. I think you should add something in here where Mother scolds Jason and he just grunts and brushes it off. That would also make sense as to why they all ate dinner in silence. Because the confrontation between Jason and Mother would make everyone uncomfortable.
Sheila and Jason both bought it for me when I turned eight two years ago.
Just a nitpick here. Okay, so Ember is ten going on eleven. I get that. But the way you said what I underlined is a bit awkward. I'd suggest writing it more like this: "when I turned eight. That two years ago, almost three now." By separating her age and the time that has passed since since she was that age it's a bit easier to read.
Overall this is another great chapter. I like how you continue to develop Ember as a character. It's a bit easier to do this since you're writing in first person POV, but you're doing a great job regardless. Keep up with the great other senses descriptions! It's very fun and interesting to read. And congrats for making me feel really, really bad for Ember. I feel so sorry for her! While reading this I really start to think about all of the things I take for granted every day. Like how when I wake up I can see the sun shining through my window. And I know where the chairs are at my kitchen table.
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
P.S. I can see your writing improving so much in each new chapter. You're taking everyone's comments and applying them to your story. That's awesome!
Points: 3733
Reviews: 1417
Donate