Young Writers Society

I'm too lazy to write a review. You have a really good poem, it's very beautiful. :3

Hello, rhia here to review!

I'm going to start with nitpicks:

1)

In just a moment and your golden thread has been snipped,

But yet a single human emotion,

Can let your being raise to new heights

Or sends you crushing down.

To make your heart ache,
Your limbs start to shake,
Your mind no longer diluted with theories of the upcoming days,

Your mind no longer diluted with theories of the upcoming days,

But the single image of her beautiful face.

To be careless in thinking that you shall not slip threw the cracks,

If this is feverish calculations then let it be,

And if it be naïve then let it rings to the lords.

If life is so easy to loose,

I was taught to snuggle of close and spend the nights staring at the stars,

And I was seared into my memory this saying,

Good story.

Hiya Catcha01 here with a review!

First off I must say that I loved the idea of the poem. Describing the one single human emotion in such a poetic way was a amazing and a joy to read.
Now for the review:

1. "In just a moment and your golden thread has been snipped,"
I understand what you were getting at by putting this line in, but it didn't agree with your previous line. It stopped the fluidity that should exist in the beginning of the poem and could be worded better.
Instead of "In just a moment and your golden thread has been snipped," you could say "A single moment and your golden thread could have been snipped".

2. There are some grammatical errors throughout your poem as well. You have threw instead of through and some other minor errors, but proofreading and perhaps having someone else read your work could correct this.

3. "Or sends you crushing down."
I believe that you meant to write crashing rather than crushing. You also have the singular form of the verb send which doesn't agree with your previous verb in the previous line. This error could be corrected by reading the poem aloud.

4. Another thing that I realized throughout the poem was that your subject was not clearly pointed out. Your title which is very interesting and captivates the reader remains as a question unanswered at the end of the poem. I think that this feeling is love, but I'm not really sure. I believe that it might be a good choice to make this one single human emotions a bit more clear.

5. Lastly the point of view in which your poem was being told shifted a bit. You began in the second person and connected well with your readers, then shifted to second. I understand that it left an impression talking from your point of view, but I would recommend finding a way to capture your poem in one point of view though it works either way.

Overall you had a very good poem. Like I said the idea was great and it was enjoyable to read. I believe that if you proofread your work these errors could easily be eliminated. Good Job!

Happy Writing!

~Catcha01

You chose a very deep topic to dive into and it's promising. I enjoyed it, however, like all literary works, there's always room for improvement. Hopefully, you'll consider the following feedback to be useful.

The overall impression I felt at the poem's conclusion was not as "deep" as the beginning had suggested, but this might have been because of the specific words you had used and the lack of figurative language in this poem. By using figurative language, you could bring in a supported emotion into the poem, adding more mystery in the words. However, I did felt more empowered, especially in the last stanza. The last stanza, to me, was one of your best play on words.

I liked the form of the poem. It was consistent as well and ordered where it should be. You also have a few grammatical errors, but this could be easily corrected by re-reading your work and finding it.

Or sends you crushing down.