Young Writers Society

lol i find it funny that when you used slang i had no idea what you were talking about so well done with that. :3 now i like how your frowning on slang but also using it , helps the reader get to know your thoughts and how you want your poem to be read. Overall, extremely fun to read and i liked your poem a lot :3 that's pretty much it so see ya

~fallen

I love this poem ! a lot a lot a lot!

that's all

-Marlie

I like this. Interesting concepts and a very cool poetic style.

Hello, Rhia here to review!

Well, I've never lived in Scotland, I'm so very American (sadly), but with a very large hunk of Scottish heritage, I can relate at least to the stubbornness aspect. I'm not super aware of all the societal references, I get a bit, so I can't really critique on that. But how I do so agree with the stubbornness as a downfall.

As far as the poem itself went, I loved it. I loved the use of slang as the center, and the expansion upon that into further problems. You really showed a lot af disgust and annoyance for your home, in a bitterly comical way. It was really interesting and enjoyable to read.

So, on to a few little nitpicks.

"But we are stubborn.

Stubborn as a mule.

A mule rooted to the ground.

Which will be our downfall."

I feel like, in this bit, "but" is not an appropriate conjunction. "But" tends to signify a different aspect, a negation, while here, the stubbornness doesn't necessarily contradict the previous statement. It is more like just an addition. So, maybe swap that for "and"

And, on that note, I'm out of nitpicks. Thanks for the read, keep it up!

Hi there I'm not quite a Glaswegian (I live in Hamilton) but I understand what you mean for most of this. Especially the bit about Labour. I mean, with all the nationalist stuff going on, people sometimes forget how left-wing Scotland is. (Not that I'm comparing Alex Salmond to David Cameron, of course). I like where you mention the good points of Scotland and then sort of dismiss them because the most important aspect is the stubbornness.

Speaking of which, you are so right! The idea that some people want to vote for independence just because Westminster just doesn't believe Scotland can make it is the perfect example of this. I mean, we are stubborn enough to be still clinging to our heavy industry like shipbuilding.

In literary terms, given that this is a writing site, I love the really specific memories eg "'Auld' men tend to be alcoholics/ Sleeping on Jamaica Street waiting for their next 'bevvy'" That gave a very clear picture and suggested you've actually seen such a scene (which I don't doubt).

Anyway, I'm sorry this got a little distracted from the actual poem but I think you can tell I loved it and I think it summed up my annoyance towards the SNP very well, whether or not that was the intention.

Hi there,Pony123 here to review.
I like the idea of this poem. Very un-cliche! Nice job! I have a hard-time on that.
I agree with Kiss Me, that it should be separated in to stanzas. It would read better. Also, Your punctuation is less than satisfactory. Maybe go through and edit one line each day. To get you motivated.
Overall, very good. You are a great writer.
Nice Job, Keep Writing,
Pony123

Hey there it's KissMe! And I'm going to give you a review!

So I would like to start off by saying its a very good poem. But a few things I would like to say to you. Your grammar and spelling are fine. But your punctuation could use some work, maybe put them into sentences instead of putting comma after comma. And maybe you could put them into stanzas, it would make it look better and not so bunched up. Now to the poem it's self, it's very good and I think if you fix it up it might be better. The main idea is very good too. Well that is all I had to say about it so yeah. Thank you for posting this on here.

Keep writing and follow your dreams!!

~KissMe