z

Young Writers Society



A seriously bad story.

by Blackwood


I take no responsibility for damage to your eyes.

Bad story

It was dark and stormy and this tornado was happening and it went around in circles sucking up things as it went iand it was long and grey and super tall and it had swirls and everything and it was grey. It made storms around it too like that and the clouds were raining and the thunder boomed louder than thunder with lightining came out too.

A kid called Zanethan was an orphan. When his parents died they had died in a car crash. But Zanethan survived but now he lived in an ophrangae with this really mean lady called mrs Bogbott the Nice and she was really mean. Zanethan got really angry because now he was 15 now. And he wanted mrs Bogbot to get punished for when she punished him and then this kid who was Zanethans best friend from childhood fried said, "Hey Zane look this guy came in and I think he wants to adopt someone" and his friends called him zane for short because Zane is short for Zanethan and it was a nickname.

And it was true what his best friend said because this really tall guy walked in and he was covered in all this mean gear that made him look really pro like he had two swords sticking out of his back in their containers and he had this super bulletproof armour on and everything. And all the kids said "Wooooah?!"

But it was bad timing because the decked out guy had come in right when Botbog had been yelling to the kids (because the asssistant had let him in)

And she was yelling and everything and the guy went right up to her and killed her. And then all the kids said yay because she was dead because she was really mean and then the guy left and walked out of the house and he left through the front door just walking along like nothing and he left.

But zane wanted to foloow him so he ran after him and they were down the street when

Zane yelled out "hey wait" and the guy turned around then when he turned around he made a grunt and then he turned back around and Zane ran up to him and catched his arm and said. "wait, train me to be like you" and the guy said

"no" and then Zane looked down at the ground and felt very sad and unhappy because he wanted to get trained by the guy and then the guy looked at him and then the guy had a chnage of heart and then the man said "oh ok then but it will be hard and you have to come with me." And that was good for Zane so zane was happy and he followed the guy to get trained with him.

Then it turned out that the guy was called Gonrad and Zane called him Master gonrad and when he took of his armour he wasnt that young but he was really built up and ripped and all. "I am trained in every single kind of martial arts" said Gonrad to zane one day.

"and I am also super pro with swords and arrows and guns and I can hit the target when im blindfolded so dont mess with me but I will train you."

Then on the first year zane got trained untill he was so good he was even better than gonrad and he suprassed his master. And Zane was only 16 and he had all the gear and stuff that gonrad had and it was even better because he was more professional and then Gonrad turned evil and revealed that he was secretly super villians who killed villagers and zanethan was secretly a secret experiment and then Zanethan and gonrad had to have a showdown.

The air was very cold like ice which was freezing blue drops made of ice which was as cold as antarctica settled on the face of the previous master who had turned evil and Zanethan felt very annoyed and furious at him for tricking him and his fists were clenched tight into tight big as balls so and super tight fists. Then Gonrad striked and I dodged him bu jumping out of the way but he wasnt down yet and he tried to kill me withn a gun but I deflected the bullet using my armour sword. Zanethan then stiked hard on the head and in one his gonrad died because zane was in the end very much better. And there was this girl on the side who was watching and she was a girl from the orphanage who Zane had sceretly liked back then and she happened to be there and saw the whole battle and then zane went up to her and she said

"I really liked you this whole time and all and that was a big sacrifie that you had to make and you did well" so then I took her by suprrise and leaned down and kissed her and she put her tongue into Zanes mouth which teasted like strawberries and cream and sugar with cherries and everything and zane did the kiss back and then he got it on with her later and then they went back to the orphanage and opened the gates and set all the kids free.

The end.

(if you were wondering it was written for this http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=404&t=98646 )


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Wed Sep 18, 2013 9:25 pm
Messenger wrote a review...



OKOKOKOKOK. sorry, but this is so dumb. I got one paragraph and was finished. whether this story is supposed to poorly written (That;s an understatement) when you write it this horrible, it is impossible to enjoy. When you have no commas it's just . . . AAAAAHHHH! Can't take it. And you missed a letter in the word sacrifice, in the last paragraph. This is just too horrible for me to read. If you were intending on it being like that then AMAZING JOB! No disrespect intended, I really don't understand the reason for writing it, but don't mind me. I'm just kind of ranting on.




Blackwood says...


It says at the bottom of the story.......



TheMessenger says...


Ah I see. Anyway, I just don't care for that.



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Mon Sep 16, 2013 11:56 pm
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PeaceLuvPoems wrote a review...



The. Um. Storyline was so. Um. Unpredictable. Better change that up. He should have to fight his secret twin brother who was trained by gonrads not so secret twin brother and then they have a showdown and then gonrads brother kills gonrad then gonrad kills his brother and they say sorry to each other for some unknown reason then they die with tears on their face cuz their sorry and then zane cries cuz his mster is dead and then zane kills his brother whose name is zayn and then he is victorious then he gets the girl and they have cute little babies and then there should be a sequel.

Heh. I was trying to write in your style right there. ^ Any tips from the master of the worst writing? This was the best worst thing I have ever read. i am seriously going to show this to my english teacher. I was like crying because of how funny this was. My grammar teacehr is going DIE when she see this. JUST. WOW.

I LOVED IT.

YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. <3






Oh geez wait I need to add more:

I love how the tornado at the very beginning has absolutely nothing to do with the entire story. I am going to pin this on my wall. This tornado was happening. Oh gawd. XD



Blackwood says...


Pretty good. You need to throw in the occasional capital letter, like a random word or just one name.. and you also need to repeat what you said more often like..."he should have to fight his secret twin brother who was actually his secret twin brother and the secret twin brother was trained by gonrad because he was his secret twin brother.

I like the zayn though XD

Should I actually right a sequel? :P



Blackwood says...


:P You should read some of my serious stuff, I doubt you'll like it as much </3 Although if you look at the related items sidebar its all my other silly stuff, so you might enjoy it.





Hm... I see. raNdom capItaol leTers like THAT? You absolutely hilarious. JUST. But no, I think I would like you serious pieces, too! I would love to read them! I'll go take a look now.

And yeah.

ZAYN.

ZANE.

Oh yeah, could you check out some of my stuff? it's really not that great, but you know, I try. I really need tips on how to improve my writing style!



Blackwood says...


No not like that. I would punch someone who wrote like that...................... even if it was as a bad story XD





I know. Some people type like that cuz there's supposed to be some sort of "effect" but it really, it just really hurts my head.





AND OH YES. WRITE A SEQUEL.



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Mon Sep 16, 2013 2:32 pm
StoneHeart says...



Your spelling and capitalization are actually pretty good . . .

*is having trouble complimenting this piece. -_-




Blackwood says...


dammit you're right. I'll have to go back and unfix that one day.



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Mon Sep 16, 2013 2:21 pm
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Jenthura wrote a review...



I remember when this contest came out a few years ago. I questioned the purpose of such a contest at the time, but I realize now that being able to recognize bad writing is an important skill for a writer.
With that in mind, I'd like to point out mistakes that I'm glad you made, showing that you understand that these are to be avoided in normal writing.

It was dark and stormy and this tornado was happening and it went around in circles sucking up things as it went iand it was long and grey and super tall and it had swirls and everything and it was grey.

Run-on sentences. Nice that you've got this down. Also, I like the 'dark and stormy' cliched touch at the beginning.

A kid called Zanethan was an orphan. When his parents died they had died in a car crash. But Zanethan survived but now he lived in an ophrangae with this really mean lady called mrs Bogbott the Nice and she was really mean. Zanethan got really angry because now he was 15 now.

Repetition and superfluity. I shudder whenever I find these in normal writing.

Then it turned out that the guy was called Gonrad and Zane called him Master gonrad and when he took of his armour he wasnt that young but he was really built up and ripped and all. "I am trained in every single kind of martial arts" said Gonrad to zane one day.

An ambiguous amount of time has passed somewhere in these sentences, and too quickly for a reader to keep track of it. Bad time transitions are so bad...

Then Gonrad striked and I dodged him bu jumping out of the way but he wasnt down yet and he tried to kill me withn a gun but I deflected the bullet using my armour sword.

Oh God, this was amazing. I hate POV shifts. You have made me throw up into my mouth.

In all, you did an excellent and calculated job of mangling the English language. Now please go write a nice story and don't do this ever again.
:D




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Mon Sep 16, 2013 11:20 am
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therealme wrote a review...



I take no responsibility for damage to your eyes.


Eyes = damaged

It's funny reading all the comments of people who think this story is actually serious and haven't realised it's supposed to be horrible xD

I absolutely loved it! It eases the tension and pressure that so many writers have to face. Writers are always competing with each other to be the best and most perfect writer out there. The feeling of not being able to express stories as good as other people can be incredibly frustrating. That is why I love this so much.

I felt completely relaxed and open from the very first sentence and had no trouble finishing the story with a smile on my face. Maybe it's because my unconscious mind didn't see this story as a threat so I could enjoy it more freely by letting my guard down.

It takes a lot of energy to compare and compete with anything, and it is so refreshing to have this beautifully disastrous piece full of cliches, spelling and grammar mistakes, poor descriptions and messed up POVs. I also love the boring, stereotypical ending you created (hero kills bad guy, hero gets girl he's been in love with forever, everyone lives happily ever after). Now that I think about it, the entire storing was nothing but one big bundle of cliches and stereotypes.

This story is basically a written version of what and how I think in my head when coming up with a plot or ideas for a story hahaha xD

One word for this story:

Fab-u-lous!




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Sun Sep 15, 2013 10:06 pm
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IntellectualBacon wrote a review...



I think that you're on to something... promising with your ideas here. Kinda. But anyways, run-on sentences were the main highlight of your story, with spelling and grammatical problems in the background.
I do realize it's called "Bad Story, Good Story" or something near those lines, and you definitely got that across. It was pretty intentionally funny.




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Sun Sep 15, 2013 7:22 pm
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ajruby12 says...



Ow.. I got about 6 seconds into it and my head started to hurt.. I started skimming and almost threw up.. Did you think up this??




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Sun Sep 15, 2013 5:35 pm
Gravity says...



There are almost no words.

The ending, switching POV... confusing but funny. And the punctuation and grammar was bad. Definitely the best, worst story I will ever read. I can't believe you used 300 points to post this.

I really hope you did this on purpose.




Blackwood says...


Considering I won 5000 points from it, using 300 to post it wasn't a big deal.



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Sun Sep 15, 2013 3:50 pm
MysteryMe says...



Hahaha XD. I seriously cannot stop laughing. This is the absolute best worst story I have ever read. Nice job XD




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Sun Sep 15, 2013 2:17 pm
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ofmiceandshailla wrote a review...



Oh my god I couldn't stop laughing. cx I loved how at the end it started to switch from 3rd person to first person I got so confused lol. Even though it was really bad I couldn't stop reading it. Somehow everything came together even with all the horrific mistakes but I loved it. Even though this was written like this on purpose I still really love this and it makes me want to read more of your work.Good/bad job! c:




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Sun Sep 15, 2013 1:37 pm
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Kevikur says...



That was perfectly horrible in all the right ways. My favorite line: "...so then I took her by suprrise and leaned down and kissed her and she put her tongue into Zanes mouth which teasted like strawberries and cream and sugar with cherries and everything and zane did the kiss back and then he got it on with her later and then they went back to the orphanage and opened the gates and set all the kids free."

I laughed incredibly hard at the switched POV and the descriptions were sadly accurate if you were to find them in a cliché story.

You did a wonderful job writing one of the worst pieces I have read.




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Sun Sep 15, 2013 9:35 am
Renard wrote a review...



Okay. So for review purposes, I was going to slate the @rse out of this piece. But then I realised what the purpose of it was. It's actually brilliant! You've blown every rule out of the water and it really works. Otherwise, this is probably one of the best/worst pieces I have ever met.
'A kid called Zanethan was an orphan' has got to be the best example of this. For purposefully awful creations - congratulations.

Yours in broken rules and ink

~ Bloodink

;)




Blackwood says...


It would have taken you days to fix all the grammar, capitals, spelling, and punctuation errors.



Bloodink says...


Yep. But it kind of works that you left them all in. That's what I mean: breaking the rules properly. ;)



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Sun Sep 15, 2013 6:33 am
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Willard wrote a review...



*Mind blown*
This is Remer here to review your horrifically badly written story.
Let's just say
You did it right
You did everything a writer shouldn't do. Not even a writer would do this. A person who doesn't even know the first thing to writing would write this. You did well
There are 2 things I love most about this
1. The use of ands
You used ands so much it's impressive
2. The end
*Jazz hands*
Good job
Keep Writing
Stay Groovy
I loved this





*Sad football bagpipes*
— DougalOfBiscuits