Young Writers Society

Wooh. Nice job. Review l for you. And just as as disclaimer I didn't bother to read the previous reviews and comments so my bad if I repeat anything that's already been said.

First, the positives.

I really liked the way that this poem was written. Your diction and word choice are both outstanding here and I like the idea of a single door between two potential lovers. It's a very interesting exploration of the human condition in a way. A closer look at this poem compels the reader to l dive deeper into exactly what is being said. If you skin through this, you still get the general point of it. However, intensely reading you find yourself wondering the very things the narrator does. Does the person behind the door even love then? Do they just like the idea of a relationship? Or does the narrator even want to open the door to find out? There's a lot going on in here, but ou can still pick up the jist of it if you skim. That's just something I always look for in poetry is if u can still understand it, but that you need to read harder and look a little closer in order to really come away with a poetic experience. Good job.

Now, the negatives. (There's only one )


The only real error I can think of was with your formatting. I noticed that some of your lines were long enough that they were force to indent by the narrow margin of this yws page. (Dinkelbergggg) this happens to me pretty much every time I write a poem with slightly longer lines, so I definitely get how that's out I your control. In some spots, it even adds I the poems effect, but in others I think it throws off the rhythms you might have wants to produce. I realize this isn't a lyrical poem, but I believe some sort of a rhythms is nice when employed into free verse. Other than that , great job. I see why this poem is so popular on here!

-GL24

Oh my god.... *no words, just tearing up* Okay I'm crying because I'm sick, but this poem was enough to make me forget my annoying intro.

SO! I introduce myself. *holds out hand* Willow C., That's my name and don't wear it out!

I adored this poem, I didn't understand why the last 2 words of eachg stanza were moved over, but I loved it. I liked how it was a romance poem, but it was not about how you FEEL and how good he LOOKS or why you can't tell him how you FEEL. It was a person (girl I'm guessing) who has a guy who likes her and she just doesn't want a boyfriend. She'd prefer to tease him. AND I ADORED IT!!!!!

I liked the door metaphor, you can picture it in your mind, but it doesn't distract from the idea you are trying to show. And I really liked these 3 lines...
"...simply because i can never even do so myself. despite this, i am

in love

with the metal and the wood that keeps us apart. although i..."

...Cause you think she's about to get sappy and then she turns on a dime.

This was a beautiful poem, keep it up sweetheart!
-Willow C.

Oh my god.... *no words, just tearing up* Okay I'm crying because I'm sick, but this poem was enough to make me forget my annoying intro.

SO! I introduce myself. *holds out hand* Willow C., That's my name and don't wear it out!

I adored this poem, I didn't understand why the last 2 words of eachg stanza were moved over, but I loved it. I liked how it was a romance poem, but it was not about how you FEEL and how good he LOOKS or why you can't tell him how you FEEL. It was a person (girl I'm guessing) who has a guy who likes her and she just doesn't want a boyfriend. She'd prefer to tease him. AND I ADORED IT!!!!!

I liked the door metaphor, you can picture it in your mind, but it doesn't distract from the idea you are trying to show. And I really liked these 3 lines...
"...simply because i can never even do so myself. despite this, i am

in love

with the metal and the wood that keeps us apart. although i..."

...Cause you think she's about to get sappy and then she turns on a dime.

This was a beautiful poem, keep it up sweetheart!
-Willow C.

Hey capricious! I just happened along this poem and decided to give my opinion and advice.

First of all, no spelling errors, but you could do with some capitalization.


I liked how you created a rift between the two characters and how one feels about letting another back in.

Overall, this poem was really good. Keep up the good work!


~Swiftfurthewarrior

Okay as I was reading this the one thought that came through my head was, this is so romantic, and so true, and such a struggle and so sad. And those where the one thought that went though my mind. XP

So, I'll go stanza to stanza, btw this is my tenth review!! XD So glad it's for you!

First Stanza

I really liked the first line I thought that it was quite gripping and I thought it was quite impressing. I did feel though a sort of rift between me and the character because she (I'm just gonna call her a girl) well, she seemed kind of too harsh. I don't know if that was what you intended but that's what I got from that. That said, I understand her a bit, I know what it feels like to try to keep people out. Overall though how you wrote it was spectacular, I thought you did fabulous on it. I really liked the simplicity of it, yet the deep meaning.

Second Stanza

First off, I also really loved this stanza, I thought that it was great and how you decribed the character actually drew me away from her even more a bit, but I still did understand her, and just the writing was so great! Here though this quote could be changed a bit:

you cannot change the better of me

simply because i can never even do so myself.

we are strangers

waiting for one another.

Hi coralyn! Well if it isn't my buddy, I must review this

Okay so I'm not so good at poetry review but I shall try my best to give my thoughts on this and offer some hopefully helpful suggestions. I'll start with the things I enjoyed about this poem. I like the structure of it and I like how on each stanza one line was way to the left (I'm assuming this was intentional?) Either way, it was really cool and it's interesting when poets change around the shape of a poem- not really something you can do with stories.

My first critiques is the capital letter. I know I've mentioned this to you before for other things. Obviously with poems, that same rules don't apply with capital letters as strictly as prose, however I still want to see I'd capitalised. Also, not necessarily capitalise the first letter on the first word of every line, but rather when the sentence end, ie, you've put a full stop.

Secondly, I thought there were quite a lot of sentences in this that started with 'I', and in any case, the repetition can get quite boring. It almost drags away the poetic elements of this to make it sound more like a gigantic speech or something. It's important to vary the way your sentences look (unless it was an intentional thing with poetry), however this doesn't look intentional.

I thought the message of this was really and as it left me thinking. However, I personally think that this whole piece would work better as some sort of dramatic monologue- that way you could keep all the 'I this' and 'I that' and I think it would actually be really effective as this. It's obviously totally up to you, and if you don't feel this would work that well then I would suggest perhaps adding some more imagery- you've got some already but maybe a few metaphors to do with love and losing love.

Overall, this was a really good piece and I enjoyed the message/meaning behind it. Just remember to add your capital letters, vary sentences, and perhaps next time add a bit more imagery. Well I hope this review helped, PM me with any questions you have or if you'd like another review.

Just keep writing!
-Arc x

Hi there coralyn and welcome to YWS! Nite here to offer up a review for The Inc(red)ibles this fine Review Day.

Overall, I really enjoyed this. The formatting worked well for this, and I really enjoyed the extended metaphor of the door. I thought it brought some life and imagery to themes that have been touched many times.

However, there are a couple of lines I found confusing.

both wanting to get out and to put you out because i like toying

never speak to you again because i trust you enough to only look

through the keyhole. you cannot change the better of me

simply because i can never even do so myself.

Very good job I loved it! It was smooth, and not too short or too long But to be honest with you, I almost read it twice before I noticed the words on the side. They broke up the flow, and when I didn't notice them at first, it made the poem make little sense to me (at least the last line in every stanza anyway). Overall the format left alot to be desired. Not capitalizing the words is a stylistic choice, I know, but you should at least capitalize your I' s. Other than thought, there were very little errors. A little rough around the edges but great job, keep on writing!