z

Young Writers Society



Techno-Heads - Chapter 2

by Auxiira


Disclaimer: I know nothing of hacking or anything like that, so feel free to correct me!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Triah smiled to herself as she sat back down at the station. She had received a message on her back frequency about a fight between the Guvs and the Rebels on the N2/NE1 border. She pulled her laptop towards her and pulled up the satellite image of that area. Sure enough, the two patrols were fighting each other. It was always the same. There were about ten people fighting hand-to-hand and four others protecting the fighters' backs with guns. Seven people on each side.

Suddenly, in the bushes next to the fight, Triah saw two small, pale faces staring at the fight. Kids. Not any older than ten, they had no place in this world of violence. She pinpointed the SOS frequency to the area of the fight and flicked it on at the same time as her mike. Sighing, she sent the signal. She hadn't wanted to get involved and expose herself but she had no choice. She didn't want to be responsible for two children being hurt.

**********

On the N2/NE1 border, Cam a Rebel soldier was waiting. Waiting for the right moment to fire at the enemy, which he knew from experience would never arrive. The fights between the two groups always ended in a stalemate. But still he waited. At his hip, his radio crackled...then burst into the SOS signal. All of the fighters instinctively froze to listen to listen.

"Stop fighting, you idiots!" a girl's voice yelled from the radio. "Oh, wait, you already have. Right... Before you start fighting again, let the two kids in the bushes next to you run away." Two heads popped up from the bushes.

"Thank you, Triah!" They yelled before running away.

"Good. Just so you know, I think you're all imbeciles for fighting. Ciao!" The SOS signal rang out again then everything fell silent. The soldiers looked at each other perplexed. Wheat had just happened?

**********

In her bunker, Triah was laughing her head off. The look on those soldiers' faces when she had stopped broadcasting! They were so confused they hadn't even started fighting again. It had been totally worth the risk. Risk had never stopped her. That was how she had become one of the top Techno-heads. She had hijacked a G8 summit on the dangers of Techno-heads. She leaned back in her chair and remembered...

-----

She had just turned nine and was already a pretty well known Techno-head. Soon she was going to become famous. It was going to be the biggest, most daring stunt ever, with Techno-heads from all over the the world joining in, and she was going to lead them. She was so excited. Her laptop was ready and everyone ha connected to the Techno-cam, a multi-user web-cam that had been made especially for the occasion.

On her screen, the President of the USA stood up. Triah launched into action, her fingers flying over the keyboard as she bypassed the summit's firewalls and defences. She opened a clear path to the central computer and strengthened it with her own defences. No one would be able to shut them down. On the screen the President was enthusing.

"They are corrupting the world's youth!"

"Wrong!" sang Triah as she finished connecting. Her picture had appeared on one of the eight screen-walls of the meeting room. The room it's self was in uproar. The Jackers (anti-hackers), who hadn't noticed her attack, were now trying to stop her broadcast and just bouncing off of her defences.

"Hello Mr and Mrs World Leaders!" Triah called out "This is just a friendly broadcast, so please ask your Jackers to stop attacking my defences. The alerts on my headphones are giving me a headache." Her voice was so little-girl innocent that they gave the order without even thinking. There was no point, the Jackers had already given up. Triah's defences were too strong. "Good!" she exclaimed, clapping her hands together. "There were two purposes to this visit. Firstly, you need to tighten your computer security. Imagine if I had been a terrorist. What precious files could have been lost? It only took me ten second to get through your firewalls." The President gaped at her.

"B-but you're a k-kid!" he stuttered.

"I'm nine, not a kid. It took me so long to get the program started, tragic isn't it?" She smiled sweetly. "Anyway, the second reason is to reply to what you said. We got you're script a few weeks ago and didn't like it. Too pejorative. We want to give you something to think about, a reason to not publicly spread slander about us.

You said that we are corrupting the world's youth, the world's future generations." On the other wall-screens, something flashed. "Well, you're wrong." Another flash. "We are the world's youth." The screens flashed again then the image stayed on the screens. Hundreds, maybe thousands of faces framed with headphones stared at the world leaders. All young, all defiant, all Techno-heads. "We are the future." Triah stated before suddenly ending the broadcast leaving the screens blank... and the meeting room in pandemonium. No one could find the footage of the broadcast anywhere

The world had seen a nine year old break through the best computer defences in the world without any apparent effort. Everyone knew that Techno-heads existed. They were famous. Triah was a legend. Unforgettable.

-----

Her mind back in the present; Triah sighed happily. Unforgettable. a Techno-head Legend. Her new codename. A year of happiness and and audacious hacking. Then the Third World War had started and all that had ended.

Suddenly, the governments had been on their side, wanting their help to destroy other governments and the Techno-heads had been split in two. Those who wanted to help and those who thought that the Techno-heads should stay neutral as they always had. Friends became enemies and no one trusted anyone. That was the first year of the war. The second year was no different. Then in the year, Techno-heads started disappearing. Everyone quickly realised that one of them was selling out the others. And the others weren't coming back from where they had been taken. Computers were being hacked directly from the Techno-head site, the location of the the owner taken before any defences could stop the attack. The person was fast. As fast as Triah in fact. Their way of hacking was exactly like Triah's too. So much so that people that people started to accuse her of being the attacker, despite her completely neutral status. Thirteen was too young for world politics. Triah tried everything to get rid of the attacker. Everything she could think of. Nothing worked. Then she was the only Techno-head left. Four years after it had stated, WW3 ended and she was her name. Legend.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
935 Reviews


Points: 2806
Reviews: 935

Donate
Thu Jun 13, 2013 10:33 pm
Shady wrote a review...



Hey Xiira!

Shady here with review number two! :D

(Sorry it took me so bloody long. >.>)

"Stop fighting, you idiots!" a girl's voice yelled from the radio. "Oh, wait, you already have. Right... Before you start fighting again, let the two kids in the bushes next to you run away." Two heads popped up from the bushes.
and
"Good. Just so you know, I think you're all imbeciles for fighting. Ciao!" The SOS signal rang out again then everything fell silent. The soldiers looked at each other perplexed. Wheat had just happened?
~ This sounds really, really airhead-ish for a girl who's supposed to be a hacker, thus very intelligent. Maybe something more commanding, more malicious and mature than "You're all imbeciles". Like...

[ "Cease fire." A woman's voice snapped, her annoyance conveyed through the radio. "There are two children hiding in the bushes to your right. Let them return to safety before continuing your childish skirmish."

The kids leapt to their feet, eyes wide in panic, and murmured something before dashing away.

"Carry on." The distress signal rang again, and then the line was quiet.]
~

The look on those soldiers' faces when she had stopped broadcasting! They were so confused they hadn't even started fighting again. It had been totally worth the risk. Risk had never stopped her. That was how she had become one of the top Techno-heads.
~Um...I don't think sounds very feasible. I mean, wouldn't people know about the Techno Heads? Or at least have heard rumors or something? *shrug* It should just take far more than a radio message to interrupt a battle.
~

Awwww, little Triah flashback was so adorable. *thumbs up* I liked this. I wanna read more now! Hurry up and write. c:

~Shady 8)




User avatar
304 Reviews


Points: 22897
Reviews: 304

Donate
Sun May 26, 2013 5:32 pm
barefootrunner wrote a review...



Hi there! barefootrunner here to review again!

I enjoyed this piece too. The spelling and grammar was slightly less good than before — you had more typos. Just read it through and I'm sure you'll find them.

This chapter had something to say, too! More history, though. It does get rather flat as it goes along, recounting memories. True, it helps build the character, but the plot languishes. You have to get some balance. Less history, more action, or your readership will decline.

I see there is some intrigue coming our way :) That's good. Everyone loves it when the main character's life is made as difficult as possible.

The last line was striking. Well done. You have a gift for chopping the story into bite-sized chunks without cheap cliff-hangers or cliched endings. That is great style.

Here your sentence structure was more varied, so well done on that. Good job!

Keep writing!
barefootrunner




Auxiira says...


thanks for the review barey!



Auxiira says...


and yes, her life will become harder

Spoiler! :
She'll be kidnapped, which will start a war between the Guvs and the Rebels for various reasons...



User avatar
532 Reviews


Points: 27927
Reviews: 532

Donate
Fri Apr 05, 2013 8:20 pm
ArcticMonkey wrote a review...



Hey again Auxi! Here for chapter two!

Okay, so to start, a quick nitpick:

was so excited. Her laptop was ready and everyone had connected to the Techno-cam,


Now, let's move on to the review. So firstly I preferred this chapter to the least one so much just because more things happened! It was really exciting and I couldn't stop reading and I want to read more xD It definitely advanced the story immensely, in a good way, and think it was just really good! We learnt so much more about more MC, Triah which was good. She's more interesting in this chapter and I like her a lot more as you've built on her character a lot. It works with the chapter before it a lot too, this one being far more action-packed which is great! :D

I like how the plot has moved on here and we learn more about Triah. The action escalated really well making it very interesting to read. One thing I'd like to pick up on however is I think it got really confusing when it kept switching to different settings because I wasn't really sure if the POV was changing or what? I think this needs to be more clear as to what's happening. Switching scenes like that is great and works really well, but I think it could be shown more clearly.

I really like your MC, Triah. I think you've used this cliche idea of a ballsy girl (probably unintentionally) but you've added your own twist onto it. Something I'd like to say though is as you mentioned before, she was taught to do all of this hacking stuff, but why? It's still a bit confusing to me and maybe could be expanded on a bit more, I think. Also, there needs to be something more to stop her from doing what she wants to do.

I thought generally your dialogue was really good, but at times it didn't seem very natural. For example:
"Good. Just so you know, I think you're all imbeciles for fighting. Ciao!"

This seems a bit odd, especially the 'Ciao' at the end just doesn't seem very realistic to me and a bit out of place.

On the other hand, I really liked this line:
"I'm nine, not a kid. It took me so long to get the program started, tragic isn't it?"

I don't know, I just thought it was a good line. I would normally say it's a bit odd for a nine year old to talk like this, but given in her situations I'm sure it's pretty normal ;)

Lastly, as a lot of action happened in the chapter I think you handled it very well. Just remember short sentences are really effective when it comes to action and stuff like that!
As I mentioned before, at times I was really confused about the POV so it would be good if you cleared that up a bit. And as for language, again, you do have some descriptions but really push yourself to have more description to create more imagery, because so far it's great!

PM me with any questions. I would say PM me with the next chapter, but you said you won't be posting it any time soon. But if you've got any other works, I'd be happy to review those!

Keep Writing!
-Arc





I have lived through much, and now I think I have found what is needed for happiness. A quiet secluded life in the country, with the possibility of being useful to people to whom it is easy to do good... then rest, nature, books, music, love for one's neighbor - such is my idea of happiness.
— Leo Tolstoy