Young Writers Society

Eat it, if you desire to give a damn.
Let it burn, writhing down your throat to find a home behind your ribs.

Maintain it there
with a sound breath, an ember to ignite. It is
a fierce beast, to rage for you in times beyond adrenaline,
when the knife your hand grips won’t suffice,
but the ardent screams from below your throat will.
Raw emotions pulse in nascent power, and
the explosion in your chest begs
to find form and rise and fight.

Don’t let it devour you!
lest the spark for which you endure collapses,
as one with your soul – red string bound between you, searing...
(How could you then fade lacking regrets?)

Seal your wraith in strokes firm and wide with your own tears
and hysteric blood to prove your resolve,
to secure your promise,
to assure your intentions.

An internal madness,
the consequence of partiality,
a flaming ire, blazing, enraged!
when the people we love
need us.

Hey
First I love your writing style, it's sophisticated and fluent. And you have a great range in vocabulary.
You could do some little tweaks on the structure but overall it's fine as it is.

and the explosion in your chest begs
to find form, to rise and fight. I think it flows better if 'to' is used here instead of 'and'

Your poem/piece is very moving. May I ask what you were thinking about when you wrote it? (Just being nosey )
I'm going to need to read more of your things!
Keep writing.
~Wolfie

Wow. I am truly impressed by your work. When you said that you were a writer, you weren't kidding! Just like Wolfgirl, I too wonder about your thoughts while writing this. What were they? By the way, this morning you told me that your poetry "isn't that great" and that you "don't like it". It's amazing! What is not to like? I can clearly see this as I read it! I could even feel a burning in my own throat! You've got talent, don't underestimate yourself. =3

Daisuki! Hi, this is Demoness!

I must begin with say that I am truly impressed, this is really good!

Personally I am more a fan of structured poems where lines and stanzas have a sort of pattern to them I find it, when you swap lines before finishing the sentence or putting a comma the poem can become quite choppy. You managed to handle this kind of writing style and still keep good rythm and flow though and so I am amazed at that - good job!

As for the content, I was as impressed. You are good with words and you've used them in a way that brings alot of power to this piece, since power and strong emotions was just what I sensed this poem contained it was good that you managed not only to write about such things but also to envolve it in the textual structure.

Overall, this was really good. For what it was it was quite amazing actually and I will give it all of my five icky, sticky spiders!

Seraph said you claim your work "isn't that great" well THAT, is obviously not true - for only being fourteen years old it is even better!

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness