Young Writers Society

Whew! Haven't been posting any readable piece for awhile. Dear Fireheartedkaratepup, here's the lyrics. To everyone else, if you want to have an idea of how this sounds, please click here. And for updates, my YWS page.

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PICTURE FRAME

Yeah-eeh-yeah-eeh-yeah yeah-eeh-yeah
Yeah-eeh-yeah-eeh-yeah yeah-eeh-yeah

Each color has a feeling to share
Each line has a story to tell
I didn’t know why I care for you
And how I fell
Every time I looked in your eyes
All that I could find
Were the seven colors of the rainbow
I’d known that if I stayed
I still had to wait
If the light would peer
But now everything’s gone clear

CHORUS:
I was wrong
You were right
Kept it all deep inside
You’re the reason I keep smiling
Whenever my young heart’s crying
I can’t even see
Why I dream of you and me
Why I can’t help but falling
Why you’re there to be catching me
Can my heart paint the name
Of my missing picture frame?

Yeah-eeh-yeah-eeh-yeah yeah-eeh-yeah
Yeah-eeh-yeah-eeh-yeah yeah-eeh-yeah

Hold my hand and deep my brush
In the glimmer of the moon
Stars will glow as the hours rush
And shadows will fade soon
The lightest stroke will prevail
When I pull up the veil
To reveal and feel the textures
Behold what beauty brings

CHORUS

Take up the palette
Let’s breathe in the blue sky
Look at the pigments
I’ve embraced your purple smile
My love is green
And as fierce as red
For your golden heart are my pink tears to shed

I was wrong
You were right
I kept it all deep inside
You’re the reason that I smile

I was wrong
You were right
Kept it all deep inside
You’re the reason I keep smiling
Whenever my young heart’s crying
I can’t even see
Why I dream of you and me
Why I can’t help but falling
Why you’re there to be catching me
You taught my heart how to paint
Nothing’s gonna be the same
I can never mold both our fates
But I know
You’re my missing picture frame

Yeah-eeh-yeah-eeh-yeah yeah-eeh-yeah
Yeah-eeh-yeah-eeh-yeah yeah-eeh-yeah

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If you liked it, don't forget to like it! =D/ THANKS for checkin' out!

Happy Person,
Jash <3

Hi Jash. Wow. You have a lovely voice! The lyrics are nice too, along with the melody. I wish I had more to say, but...when will you be posting the rest of the song?
*likes*
-Kae

*likes*...*a lot*

Jashy! This was really nice!
I don't want to nitpick - seeing as you've already recorded it and such but I did have a question:

Jash wrote:All that I could find
Were the seven colors of the rainbow

I don't really understand these two lines. Could you explain them?
LOVE this though!

lovely.

lovely.

I second that....
Great Job, Jashy-bear boo boo nom nom.

-Jojo

Hey, guys! Thanks for checking out. =)

Icy, I think it'd meant that he's everything she wants. Something about completeness, or satisfaction, though nobody's perfect. Kinda like that. XD ;]]

Hey Jash, your lyrics are great. However, I feel I have a few things to say about your music. It too is very good, but there is still room for improvement.

First, intonation. The electric guitar is quite sharp. I can't tell if the electric is synthed or you are playing it. If it's synthed, it means the acoustic and your voice is flat. Either way, remember that tuning and warm up are crucial before you start playing. If your ears aren't good enough to pick it, use an electric tuner. Also, practice your tone (especially for your voice) every day with an electric tuner. Sing a chromatic scale from your lowest note to your highest, holding each note as long as you can, and focusing on hitting each note cleanly (not sliding up or scooping), and keeping in tune with the tuner. I myself practice tone and intonation for at least 40 minutes every day, often more (I play the sax and other winds).

Second, breath control. You often slide up to the first note of the line, and sometimes cut the last note of the line short because you run out of breath. There are a couple of ways to fix this. First, make sure you take a deep breath before you start your phrases, and make sure you're breathing from your diaphragm and not from your chest. Second, practice holding notes for as long as possible every day (as above). You'll gradually increase your breath stamina. Third, keep fit. Good cardio fitness = good breath control and stamina. Fourth, a little trick I learned; before you play brush your teeth or chew on a few tic-tacs or something. The mint flavour helps open up your airways. Trust me, it work like a charm.

Third, diction. Practice enunciating your words very clearly when you're singing. Some of the words in your recording are a bit jumbled or missing altogether, and I wouldn't know what the lyrics are if I didn't have the transcription.

Finally, phrasing. There are few lines in the chorus that just don't fit nicely:

You’re the reason I keep smiling
Whenever my young heart’s crying

I would tentatively recommend changing "whenever" to "when", or omitting "young". Other wise this line is just a jumble of noise the the listener totally misses.

This is quite a good composition. Solid harmonic root movement, good lyrics. If you work hard to correct the technique issues I've outlined you could be very good.

Hope this helps, PM me if you want to talk about it more.

K.

(P.S. I'm studying jazz and contemporary music at university. I'm saying this not to toot my own horn (heh), but to give what I say a little bit of credibility.)

Thanks, Mr. Karzkin! Your advices are and will be very helpful! But just a few things to clear up:

First, guitar, intonation. I have no idea why the guitar is a tad off! I used an electric tuner (you know, I was a bit afraid that my ear would miss and I wanted this to be perfect). I just don't understand it. I mean, The electric guitar was matched with my acoustic guitar (rhythm), and I just don't understand why it does that. D: Any thoughts, or other advices for that? I should've told my mixer to fix it, huh. Well, one obvious thing, I couldn't. I don't understand.

Next, mints. I totally agree! Brushing my teeth every time I try to sing does work like a charm! Before I recorded this, I wanted to brush my teeth and use mouthwash, but my mom said I'll be fine. (I brushed before we went to the studio, but I wanted my mouth to be fresh again.) So I didn't brush my teeth. I thought it was only my imagination, you know, that I sing better when I brush my teeth. But it's true! You do sing better when you've just brushed your teeth. Don't cha, Mr. Karzkin?

Last, diction. I do want to pronounce the words well, but my braces just makes it so HARD! *sigh* My friend told me to force it. But I'm quite sensitive to pain, so... *frowns*

I perfectly understand everything you were saying. Your review was well presented and your want to give out a real constructive criticism totally showed. Thank you again. I am glad that you somehow liked the song. =))

~ Jash B.

the lyrics are beautiful and so is your voice! I'm practically speechless! BRAVO

That was BEAUTIFUL. Jash, you're an inspiration! YAY!
Young and talented artist FTW!

*likes* wow you have a really great voice and your song is amazing. You are an inspiration to me.

LanaBrown wrote:*likes* wow you have a really great voice and your song is amazing. You are an inspiration to me.

Hi, Lana! Thank you so much. I'm glad to have inspired you. =) Blessed day!

Holy rainbows! You have a very talented voice! I love this song sooooo much. Have you ever considered American Idol? Well, if you live in America anyways... In my opinion this song sounded a little country, and I'm a southern girl so it was awesome!
OMG KEEP SINGING!
--- Shooting Stars

ShootingStars wrote:Holy rainbows! You have a very talented voice! I love this song sooooo much. Have you ever considered American Idol? Well, if you live in America anyways... In my opinion this song sounded a little country, and I'm a southern girl so it was awesome!
OMG KEEP SINGING!
--- Shooting Stars

Thank you so much Shooting Stars! /