Spoiler! :
His song was playing on the radio.
It wasn't even the kind of music she normally liked to listen to. For some strange reason, he loved it, and because of that, she did too. Once upon a time, he would listen to it constantly. The radio was in the same place in the kitchen as it had been for years, on the yellowed counter next to the refrigerator. She grasped the volume knob and turned until every word, every beat of the drums resounded in her ears.
Anne let out a resigned sigh, then closed her eyes and allowed her mind to immerse itself in countless memories of them together.
Summer mornings when Tyler was so small he could barely reach the table well enough to stuff his mouth full of freshly-made pancakes and golden-brown maple syrup. A sticky grin was on his face, and they were both laughing. The smell of the pancake batter filled the whole room, and the whole place seemed to glow.
Much anticipated Christmas mornings, when he would tear down the stairs so fast it was a wonder he never tripped. Anne would try to give him a stern warning, but she was too busy smiling. In all the confusion of unwrapping presents, the new toys, and the excitement of the holiday, she remembered his happy face the most, and the contented feeling she got when seeing it.
Maybe if she kept her eyes squeezed shut tight enough, then this would all go away. This was just another day, the same song. The small white kitchen table still had that red checkered cloth. The walls were still a charming yellow. The curtains were the same shade of scarlet they had always been.The same kitchen. The same house.
So why did everything feel so different?
"Hi, it's me, Tyler."
Every little thing in the room somehow looked so much more empty than before. The life, the color had drained from everything. Maybe even her. The window, with the chipped paint, was open, but the wind blowing in felt weaker, as if it too had given up.
Anne left the kitchen and slowly made her way to the bottom of the stairs, hardly noticing the fact that she was moving. She gazed up to the second floor and raised her foot to take the first step.
A cool autumn evening when the song was playing and they were dancing in the kitchen. A soft breeze eased its way in through the open window and made the whole room feel alive with the music. Tyler couldn't follow the steps so he was standing on her feet as she moved. He didn't even come up to her chest then. His head was pressed up against her stomach, his arms wrapped around her, and one of her hands was on the top of his head, fingers running through his brown hair.
A cheerful goodbye as Tyler stepped onto the yellow school bus for the first time. His backpack was much too big for him. He looked so small as he boarded that bus. His innocence allowed him to let go, but she wanted to hold onto him forever.
There were discordant, disconnected feelings as well, ones that she couldn't quite hold on to. Each one confused her even further and caused a flood of desire to wash over her.
A small hand clasped in hers
The scent of chocolate and the heat of an oven
Warm wind on her face
A familiar laugh
Am I really going to torture myself? Anne asked herself as she reached the second story of the house. The carpet was soft under her feet as she walked. The hallway was dim, and an exposed light bulb above her was flickering.
“I'm on my way home right now. Do you need anything while I'm in town?”
“No thank you, Ty. Just head on home. Dinner's ready when you get here.”
His room looked exactly the way it had always been. A few posters, important to him, but their meaning lost on Anne, hung on his dark blue walls. His bed was still unmade. If she looked hard enough she could maybe see the place where his head had been when he slept. If she looked even harder she could almost see the impression of his body on the bed. It seemed like a cruel thing to do to him, cleaning all this up. Even his old high school sweatshirt was hanging from his bedpost. A sock was hiding underneath the edge of his bed.
The familiar scent of him was overwhelming. Anne was frozen in the doorway, unable to enter yet unable to walk away. Her hands gripped the door frame until her knuckles whitened.
The muted sound of the radio could still be heard from the kitchen, the song drifting up the stairs and down the narrow hallway. Anne couldn't determine if she wanted to cover her ears and scream, or make the music as loud as it could go, so it could be all that she ever heard.
"Oh, I almost forgot. I need to tell you something. You'll never guess what happened a few minutes ago."
"Tell me."
"All right. Well, I-"
Anne's hands formed involuntary fists. She waited for the tears to come but they didn't.
Two weeks ago he brought home his new girlfriend. Her name was Sarah. They went to school together. She cared about him more than Anne could comprehend. And she was so beautiful. So much life in those deep ocean eyes.
"Tyler? Are you all right? Can you hear me? Tyler?"
Beautiful, precious life. If she looked in the mirror, would Anne see life in her own eyes? It seemed as though her life was snatched away from her so suddenly in the warmth of a sunny afternoon.
I am dead, she thought. Maybe my body is still alive, but I am gone.
She couldn't feel yet. Anne knew the disbelief would clear from her mind. The numbness would wear off eventually. She would be able to cry then. She could cry and she wouldn't be able to stop.
"Tyler, I need to you listen to me. Are you there?"
Anne headed back down the stairs. Tyler's song was over.
"Tyler?"
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