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Stop and Stare (Part 6)



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Wed Mar 16, 2011 7:23 pm
Sins says...



What's happened during Charlie's life in this novel so far:
Spoiler! :
Three friends, Charlie Black, Austin, and Jax were out one night when a fight occurred. It resulted in Austin accidentally stabbing and killing a young girl. A few weeks passed, and now Charlie and Austin have decided to go out to a youth club for the night.






Stop and Stare ~ Part Six




Charlie - Continued

As Austin and I made our way towards the club, I realised how dark everything seemed to have gotten. The sky was a deep blue colour, almost electric looking in the areas where there were clouds. It wouldn’t be long until the blue was swallowed up by a plague of black. The wind was blowing as litter spun around in the air, but all it did was remind me of that night. As the neon lights of the small club came into sight, and the sound of intense music rose, I clenched my fists and ground my teeth together. What if I said something stupid to someone? What if Lee and his goons were in the club tonight? What if something happened again? Something bad? If God had any mercy, tonight wouldn’t end up like that night had. All I could do was pray inside my head, which was pointless considering I didn’t believe in God at all.
“Are you two together?” I lifted my head up to see a guy dressed in some kind of monkey suit glancing between Austin and me.
His jet black hair was slicked back and it reached just below his gangly shoulders. Unless the lighting here was absolutely terrible, I was pretty sure he was wearing thick eyeliner too. It may have just been my imagination screwing with my head, but I was almost certain that he was wearing lipstick. There was definitely something on his huge lips. Bizarre.
I turned my eyes to the left of him and realised that we’d reached the club’s entrance. Judging by the lack of people outside, the place had already opened, despite it not quite being seven o’clock yet. An empty crisp packet flew past the entrance, and as the wind roared, it seemed to blow the smell of damp concrete into my nostrils. I turned to Austin to see him nodding at the guy in the suit.
“That’ll be twenty quid then, please.” The guy held out his hand right under our noses, which was fricking rude, if you asked me.
“Since when?” I raised my eyebrows. “It’s only a fiver each.”
The guy sighed before crossing his arms. As his one hand popped out from under the other arm, I realised that he was wearing black nail varnish. His muddy eyes were digging into me now as his tongue poked into the side of his cheek, which made the right side of his face look as though it had developed some kind of growth. He soon held out his hand again.
“You can’t just change the prices without tell--“
“Here.” Austin slapped a twenty pound note into the man’s hand.
The guy thanked him, shot me a glare, and then moved out of the way. Austin grabbed my arm and pulled me forward. Once we were out of the guy’s sight, I turned to Austin and raised my shoulders, but before I could say anything, he spoke.
“I’d prefer not to get kicked out before we actually get into the place, Charlie.”
“Yeah, I know, sorry. They could at least warn us when the prices change,” I mumbled as I pulled out a crumpled five pound note from my jacket’s pocket. “I’ll give you the rest later.”
Austin took the money from my hands, folded it neatly, smiled at me, and then shoved it back into my pocket. “Buy yourself something nice.”
I was about to get it out of my pocket again when Austin yanked the zip shut. He only just managed not to rip my index finger off with the blooming thing. The guy was hassling some other kids now, but as we opened the club’s doors, it wasn’t hard to notice his eyes digging into me from behind. I’d already pissed off one person tonight, and with any luck, he’d be the last.
The moment Austin and I entered the building, the sound of blaring music overtook every corner of my thoughts. Multicoloured lights danced around the room, and every now and then, they allowed me to catch a glimpse of laughing teenagers. The majority of them had sweat running down their foreheads. Hot.
“Hey! Jax!” Austin yelled as he waved. He tapped me on my arm and nodded towards the back of the room.
My eyes weaved in and out of different people until they reached the bar at the back of the room, and sitting at one of the corner tables beside it was Jax along with some kids from school. Austin shoved past multiple people as he walked forward and I soon did the same. I hadn’t seen Jax once since the incident, and to put it bluntly, I was glad of it. There had been no taunting, no smirking that was blatantly directed at me, no muttered comments. Nothing. I hadn’t had to listen to his raspy voice once. As I was pushing past a room full of sweat-drenched kids, I began to wonder what I was even doing here, let alone why I was making my way towards one of the biggest pricks I knew. I guess the answer wasn’t too hard to figure out though--I was just following Austin again.
After being shoved back and forth by a number of dancing kids, we were finally standing above where Jax was sitting. He had his legs stretched out onto the stained table and in his hands was an enormous glass of something clear. The area itself was far calmer than the dancefloor. There were only two tables in this corner of the room, and the other table was empty anyway. I tugged at the neckline of my shirt in hope of getting rid of the clammy feeling that was now building up inside of me.
“Yo, Austin.” Jax moved his legs out of the way as Austin climbed over the table and sat down next to him. Jax turned to me and his grin broadened. He nodded. “Hey, faggot.”
The smile curved into a sudden frown as Austin nudged him in his side, while I did nothing but stand there with my fists clenched. What happened that night obviously hadn’t changed him for the better then. If I had the guts to do so, I swore I would have wrung his neck and shoved whatever I could find down his throat right there and then. As Austin turned to chat to Damon, some kid from his old Biology class, Jax saw his chance and switched his attention back to me.
“I would offer you some vodka.” He held up the drink in his hand as he winked at me. “But I’m sure you’ve got plenty of it back home with your old man.”
“I can’t be arsed for this.”
Jax started laughing, showing his row of pointed teeth as I turned and pushed someone that was behind me out of the way. I was soon parading forwards with my eyes fixed on the entrance of the overfilled club. The guy was a pillok. To begin with, if anyone caught him with booze, he'd probably get himself arrested considering there was a strict no alcohol rule in this youth nightclub. There was no one older than seventeen here, so if any member of staff merely smelt a bit of alcohol, they would kick off. I hadn’t even reached the small set of stairs that led to the dancefloor when I felt someone grab my arm.
“Whoa, where are you going?” Austin.
I shoved his hand off my arm and didn’t say a word. Instead, I continued making my way towards the stairs. For the second time, Austin grasped my arm. I looked at him to see his eyes scanning my face.
“Seriously, mate, why do you actually bother with that loser?” I nodded over at Jax.
I’d only been here five minutes and the guy was already sniggering at me along with his irritating comments. I knew I was the most pathetic excuse for a guy ever, and I didn’t need some bug eyed idiot reminding me of that. I glanced at Austin to see a stony look in his eyes. My thoughts immediately raced back to that night.
As Austin dug his eyes into mine, it was as if I was shot back to the moment where we were both in the alleyway that night. Even the suffocating feeling I had in that alleyway was beginning to wrap itself around me again, and as Austin’s eyes delved deeper into me, so did my thoughts on everything that happened all those weeks ago. I clenched my teeth together and mentally whacked myself. I’d allowed myself to think about it. I grasped my arm and dug my nails into my skin until I removed the thoughts from my mind. Forget about it, you freak. Just forget. I hardened my jaw. Who was I kidding? I couldn’t forget about that night five years ago, let alone what happened a few weeks ago.
I’d almost forgotten about my best mate standing in front of me when Austin sighed and rubbed his forehead. “I know Jax is annoying, okay, but think of it like this: no Jax, no booze. It’s not like my dad would ever give me any, and you won’t even touch the stuff, so there’s no hope in you taking any of your old man’s. Besides, Jax can always get the booze in without the security guards noticing. Subtlety ain't exactly my ting, Charlie, as I'm sure you know.”
I stopped digging my nails into my arm and ran my hand through my hair. I swore I could have pulled it out of my roots. Austin and drink didn’t mix well, and he of all people should have bloody well known that.
“Fricking hell, Austin, there’s more to life than vodka and beer. How is you being hammered and Jax taking the mick all of the time better than you being sober without that midget taking the piss out of me every five minutes? The kid's just plain sad anyway!”
“Have you ever thought to actually fight back, Charlie?” I tried speaking, but Austin continued, this time with his voice louder and harsher. “I mean, Jesus Christ, no wonder he thinks you’re such a spineless girl. You just stand there looking like you’re about to cry, then stomp off and expect me to give him a row or something.”
I didn’t say a word. Austin’s face was right in front of mine now. His eyes were narrowed and he was practically eating his bottom lip as I stood in front of him, stammering. My jaw clenched along with my fists as I looked anywhere but his face. The pounding music had suddenly turned into a buzzing sound and the people around us were just dancing blurs. Just as I was about to turn away for what felt like the hundredth time, Austin sighed and rubbed his forehead. He muttered what sounded like an apology.
“Okay, look, I’ll make you a deal.” He led me to the side of the bar. “I won’t drink a drop of alcohol, so long as you stay here and actually loosen up for once.” He paused and glanced back at the group. “Starting from now though ‘cause I just drunk some of Damen’s Stella.”
I started laughing. “Like hell you can do that.”
“Pfft, and you actually reckon you can loosen up, do you, Charlie boy?”
We both started laughing as I ducked before Austin got the chance to tousle my hair. I winked at him before pulling his hood up over his head. Sometimes, I swore we both had bipolar or something. One moment, it was as if Austin was about to rip my head off and then the next, it was as if we were flirting with each other. Maybe it was a good thing. So long as it numbed out any unwanted thoughts, I was glad we did it.
“Can we pop outside for a bit though, Aust?” I asked as he sat himself down on one of the bar’s plastic stools. “It’s boiling in here and I must be whiffing like crap.”
“You are. It’s minging.” Austin shrugged as the grin returned to his face. “Yeah, come on then.”
He tapped my arm as he jumped off the stool he’d just sat down on. Exactly like we’d done a short while ago, we soon found ourselves weaving in and out of teenagers who were dancing on the lit up floor. The second I began to feel a soft breeze amongst all of the sweaty kids, it was as though the clothes that were previously glued to my back had become much looser on me. It wasn’t long until I saw the artificial lights of the street lamps outside. The cold air hit us and I was overcome by a comfortable chill on my skin.
“Hey, come ‘round the side with me.” Austin tapped his tracksuit’s pocket as he glanced towards the corner of the building. “I fancy a fag.”
“Yeah, fair enough. I don’t think Marilyn Manson over there would appreciate you smoking here.” I nodded at the guy who had let us into the club.
As we were about to turn around the side of the building, the Marilyn Manson wannabe glanced at us, but I didn’t get a chance to see what he did next because he was soon out of sight. Austin stopped beside of a pile of black rubbish bags and reached into his pocket, while my eyes wandered around the dimly lit alleyway. I’d really come to hate these places. The last time Autin and me were in an alleyway was... Shut up. Thoughts, memories, emotions and everything else possible tried crawling into my head, but I was adamant not to let them in. It was just an alleyway, for Pete’s sake. Nothing special. There was no need for me to let my body tense and my heart race. What was wrong with me tonight? Why couldn’t I just man up for once in my life?
As my eyes grew more accustomed to the light--or lack of it--I noticed that this alleyway was far cleaner than the ones around my street. That helped shut away any thoughts I didn’t want. There was one or two packets of something floating about in the wind, but there certainly weren’t piles of the stuff. I kicked one of the black rubbish bags to find plain concrete underneath it. If this was one of my local alleyways in Amber Fountains, there would have probably been an ocean of used syringes in the gutter.
“This is pretty nice, innit?” I said as Austin lit a fag. “This place, I mean. If we were in The Fountains, there’d be at least one drunken twelve year old spewing over those bins right now.” I nudged the bins beside me again.
“True that.” Austin laughed after taking the fag out of his mouth.
While Austin continued placing his fag in and out of his mouth, which always followed by a round of smoke, I began wandering around the alleyway. I could hear the sound of echoing footsteps in the distance, but I couldn’t make out any figures, let alone any actual faces. The footsteps were drowned out by the sound of a revving engine, and before long, a black Mercedes shot past the alleyway.
“Now that’s something you don’t see in The Fountains.” Austin’s eyes followed the car until every inch of its metallic sheen had passed the gap in the alleyway. “Ah well, those things are overrated anyway. Hey, didn’t your mum used to ha--”
“It’s on me!”
There was a sudden yelp, and before I knew it, the sound of heavy footsteps came charging towards us. Both Austin and I snapped our heads towards the depths of the alleyway. I stepped out from the side of the wall to catch a better look when something, or someone, nudged me hard on my chest. I lost my footing. Before I had a chance to realise what the hell was going on, I fell backwards. Moments later, there was a thud. A sharp pain in my head. The freezing concrete underneath me.
“Oi!” Austin’s voice.
Then nothing.

____________________


Click here to read STOP AND STARE (PART SEVEN)
I didn't know what to put here so I put this.
  





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Wed Mar 16, 2011 7:52 pm
xDudettex says...



Hey Skins!

1. Nit-piks -

grinded my teeth together


'grinded' would sound better as 'ground'

the guy’s site


'site' should be 'sight'

crumpled five pound not


'not' should be 'note'

some kids from school. Austin shoved past some people


This is just me being picky, but using 'some' twice is a little repetitive. Try -

'some kids from school. Austin shoved past multiple people'

I was soon walking ahead of me with my eyes


He was walking ahead of himself ;)

my eyes fixed to the entrance of the overfilled club


I'd suggest changing 'to' to 'on'

been her five minutes


'her' should be 'here'

Even the suffocating feeling I had in that alleyway was beginning to wrap itself around me right now,


I think this would read better if you changed 'right now' to 'again'

I gritted my teeth together


I'm not sure if 'gritted' should be 'grit'

I stopped digging my nails into my arm before running my hand through my hair.


Try - 'I stopped digging my nails into my arm and ran my hand through my hair.'

more accustom to the light


'accustomed' ?

2. Overall impressions -

I liked this. We get to see Charlie and Austin interracting after the incident in the park without the whole focus being on what happened. I liked your descriptions of the club and Charlie talking about the Marilyn Manson guy added a bit of humour to the story. I think the tension between Charlie and Austin was realistic - when they were arguing about Jax.

Most of what I've pointed out are just typos - I swear they hide when I proof read :P

The end part did confuse me though.

“It’s on me!”
There was a sudden yelp, and before I knew it, the sound of heavy footsteps came charging towards us. Both Austin and I snapped our heads towards the depths of the alleyway. I stepped out from the side of the wall to catch a better look when something nudged me hard on my chest. I lost my footing. Before I had a chance to realise what the hell was going on, I fell backwards. Moments later, there was a thud. A sharp pain in my head.


It just felt a little rushed and I'm not entirely sure what went on. Did someone attack Charlie? I'd just like to see what happens explained a little clearer, but keep the cliff hanger style ending - I know we'll find out in other parts what actually happened.

I enjoyed reading your writing as always :)

I hope this helps!

xDudettex
'Stop wishing for the sunshine. Start living in the rain.' - Kids In Glass Houses.

'Would you destroy something perfect in order to make it beautiful?' - MCR artwork.
  





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Wed Mar 16, 2011 8:00 pm
borntobeawriter says...



Skinsy, hello!

Well, just read the first part and I'm going to comment here as a whole.

I like the fact that you've changed the school thing. Mighty interesting. I must admit that the paragraph had me confused, though. I couldn't understand whether he'd been accepted or not, at first. Then, I understood.

The one thing I want to mention is: kudos on keeping Charlie in character. Although I liked the Charlie he was in school, he wasn't the same as in the beginning, which is why he needed some tweeking. This is better.

But, I don't understand why he has such a low opinion of himself. What's to stop him from reacting, from manning up? He realises he follows Austin around and he realises he's a wimp, doesn't he want to change? Why doesn't he man up? Why doesn't he at least make an effort, even if he falls on his face trying, at least he's tried?

Other than that, I thought this was darn good. I noticed every difference from the first version and it's clear this is an improvement. I thought a few paragraphs were a little difficult to comprehend in the previous part, and you have a few typos in this one.

Thanks for reposting the edited parts, great job!

Tanya
  





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Tue Mar 22, 2011 8:19 pm
Kagi says...



Hey SKINS.
Gunna kill you for requesting this review Thanks for um.. this.
I'm really tired. So stressed after a long days work/school without rest or a life. Need some relaxation time badly.

Aww c'mon~Still nothing? Not even an incy bit of sympathy? Gah.

All right, I might pick out some crummy bits of weird grammar along the way but nothing serious. I'll mainly just skim over this really, painfully long story you've written to personly torture me. Soo... Should I get on with it now?
*Sigh*

PLOT
I haven't really followed this novel in serious detail, so far I think I've only done about three reviews for it. But all the chapters I've reviewed have mainly been based around school/school life and homework and all that blabber. I was kind of interested as this one is slightly different. I mean, too be honest without being harsh here, I think sometimes your writing gets into a roll where you get quite...the same if you get me. Everything is a bit too black and white or similar for me. I'd like a range of angles that I can look at with your writing which, I admit is hard to do. Once you've figured out the way you write (your style) that's the way you write. Just try not to fall into the monotone trap. Varie everything. Anyway, yeah I liked how you changed the setting. At the start, you introduced us well. Immediatly I kind of felt the connection between charlie and Austin. You picked out nice words that helped me feel the tension and could I say awkwardness? Anyway, I felt that in this part nothing much happened. For the main clump of the chapter you rambled a tad. I mean, everything was based on conversation really. If I'm rambling now just ignore me. :lol: Until we got to the end, it picked up the pace slightly. But the end... WHAT HAPPENED?
ZOMG.
I got so confused, I mean this little snippet;
“It’s on me!”
There was a sudden yelp, and before I knew it, the sound of heavy footsteps came charging towards us. Both Austin and I snapped our heads towards the depths of the alleyway. I stepped out from the side of the wall to catch a better look when something nudged me hard on my chest. I lost my footing. Before I had a chance to realise what the hell was going on, I fell backwards. Moments later, there was a thud. A sharp pain in my head.

(As dudette pointed out)
This confused me. I know you were trying to make it seem dark and scary and I mean, I could just tell you were trying to get the ball rolling but...for me, the ball stayed right where it was. I couldn't read or tell what was happening other then he had some sort of thing going on with his head. I don't even know if it was people in that alley. You didn't mention footsteps or voices just everything was blurry. It was over all too soon and I was like... Whaaaat? Am I missing something? But you get it. I was confused. I still am.

Also, I didn't understand why Charlie didn't fight back or retaliate when Austin would throw narky comments at him. Are you trying to get across his shy nature or something? I liked the way you said,

“Pfft, and you actually reckon you can loosen up, do you, Charlie boy?”

As I see here that Austin has a sparky side to him. We learn a lot about Austin from the way he acts and speaks throughout the chapter but I don't think I could say the same for Charlie. His charachter seems to be squashed out by Austins bubbliness. Just remember to keep a balance.

Thats really all I can say. I'm stuck.
But this is good overall. You had a good flow and the plot was generally grande. Tell me whats up with the ending and I might give you a like for this, might not. I mean, you did force me to do this under pain and death didn't you?

Now, help me as I do believe Mr.Mustard has the biggest,longest poem waiting for me ever. I hate my online life at the moment.
Oh well.
One down. Two to go!
:schocked:


Kagi x
Got YWS?

If, when you mean to type yes you type yws, you know you belong. :P
  





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Tue Mar 22, 2011 11:33 pm
Ranger Hawk says...



Hey Skinsy, sorry it's taken me a bit to get to this.

I have to admit I was completely thrown when I first started reading this because I had no idea who Austin was, and so I went back and reread just about all of the chapters to get reacquainted with the characters (I'm bad enough when it comes to names in real life, let alone characters in books or movies). But I think I've got it all now, so here goes!

My main issue is the whole club idea. I'm just having a hard time picturing a couple of minors going to a club and being let in. I don't know, maybe things are different from America, but having a bunch of teens in a place where they're ordering vodka? Doesn't seem legal and right. Again, maybe it's just different from here.

The scene at the end, as just about everyone else has already mentioned, threw me off a bit. I didn't know who was yelling about something being on him, and I didn't have a very clear picture of what was happening. I'm not going to go on about it, though, since others have already mentioned it.

The characters are all really relatable and have a very sincere feel about them, which I really like. Charlie's interactions with all of the different guys are great, and I especially love the Marilyn Manson part.

Well, that's really it. You don't give me a lot to critique, m'dear. ^.^ Let me know when you post the next chapter so I can keep up with the story; I'm interested in seeing how you end up changing it!
There are two kinds of folks who sit around thinking about how to kill people:
psychopaths and mystery writers.

I'm the kind that pays better.
~Rick Castle
  





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Wed Mar 23, 2011 4:18 pm
MiaParamore says...



Hey there, Skins! Shubhi here to review.

Spoiler! :
The wind was blowing as litter spun around in the air, but all the violent wind did was remind me of that night.
I would suggest you to remove 'violent' from here and then squish it somewhere in the beginning or find some other way of doing so, because otherwise the word is making the whole sentence's flow a bit awkward.


It's a bit funny but I had been writing a club scene too in the Turning the Tables' chapter-2, but then I gave it another beginning and thought of re-writing the part to come somewhere in the middle of the chapter. But now that you've posted a club scene, mine might seem copied, but it's not. xD! Even I had a weird security guard there. Sorry, I am just speaking things I ain't supposed to speak here.

It's weird, but I don't have much to offer you for a review. But there's one thing that runs in my head a lot. Austin calls Charlie 'mate' a lot of time and personally I don't really find it fascinating. I don't know why but it just doesn't go with my liking, but hey, that's my problem. But I would suggest you to not make this a very drastic habit of his. I don't know why I am exactly suggesting this, but I just felt so. Maybe if you make him appear more 'friend' sort by letting him call by his names. I know there are certain people who have a personal style of calling somebody, but maybe it would be realistic if you'd let him call him 'Charlie' more than often than just 'mate'.

Now as coming to Tanya's question, I would like to say that the reason why he isn't manning up is maybe because of his brought up. I am so much into psychology so I have a fair idea that people like him, living in a disturbed house, with an abusive parent tend to go into a depression mode or maybe become non-reactant to any of the atrocities or some torture going on them. But now, what I really didn't understand that is even though he ain't bothering to answer back or something like tat, but he could have bad thoughts about the guy, he might curse him in his mind at least, or maybe say bad things to Austin about him. That was my problem here. He might not act physically, or even verbally,but it is not human to let these kind of people get unnoticed in your brain. He might not even think bad things, abuse him in his mind, but some sort of resentment, some anger should be shown. It's not like you neglected this point altogether, but I really think you should make it more.

Now. My other point, which is related to the one I discussed above. Charlie is concerned over everything-Austin drinking, the girl being killed that day and all, but he doesn't have any reaction on what goes on with him, and what all things happen with him, Jax calling him names and all that stuff doesn't have much of effect on him. Otherwise, in all situations he is so frustrated, he digs his nails into his skin, clenches his fist and all that but he doesn't have the spirit of standing up for himself, and there's not even a drop of anger in him which makes me wonder.

Another thing that I would like to point out is that readers might have a question which makes them wonder why Charlie, living with such people who are always drunk and smoking, and in a neighbourhood which is full of such people doesn't have any influence on him. Maybe he is not indulging in all this because he is aware of all the bad consequences one has to suffer because of these habits, but doesn't his friends force him into all this? Also other question, which might be nothing, is that the way you have projected Amber Fountains show that all people are such pricks there, so why does Jax get to aim specifically on Charlie due to his dad? Aren't all the people in that place more or less the same? Maybe you should explain that, or maybe think about it.

Other thing that I would like to bring up is that in the earlier part, you did show how serious and hyper Austin was in spite of him showing the opposite. I am not sure if it's still there in the part one of this chapter, but surely you do need to make it more prominent here. Don't show him once in a gloomy mood and then turn all that into a bright state. That would be too much of a mood change. Don't make him sad and gloomy like Charlie, but do show his anxiousness or whatever way you want him to be projected.

However, I think this chapter is really good and honestly I did like the first version, too. But if the Americal Idol thing looks cliched, then don't go with it, and come with this one. I really admire your writing, and I know I've said that too many times, but that's true.


Hope this helps,
Shubhi
"Next time you point a finger
I might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger
I'll point you to the mirror"

— Paramore
  





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Sun May 22, 2011 6:11 pm
Shearwater says...



Kay, Freak - I'm back for the second part of this thing.

Again, my review is going to be as helpful as a hundred dollar bill is to a goat. Yes, I'm so good at these comparisons, what can I say?
Anyway, let's get back to the important thing here, your novel.

Okay, the first thing that I noticed to be a little odd with the beginning was how he reacted to the price change. Yeah, I get that prices change and granted, he'd be upset since he didn't bring the right amount of money with him and had to have his friend pay but I thought it was kind of childish of him when he said that he couldn't change the price on them without telling them. Did he subscribe to the club's facebook page and get updates on price changes? No one ever really knows. However, I know what you were trying to do and all, trying to get him upset over something like that but I thought it was weird.

When I was working and the prices changed, people were upset and all but they never asked why we didn't tell them about it. It's not like we can send a personal message to all of them before they come saying, 'hey, head's up - we changed our prices!' ;)

Anyway, maybe I'm just looking too much into it, actually. Seeing that I have nothing to really critique about. I'll just end up repeating everything that everyone else like I did with the last chapter. Did you notice that? lolol

I noticed some repetition with his feelings though in this chapter. You kept saying how he'd never forget what happened to him in the alley and the girl and all. He keeps commenting on it again and again and I already know how his feelings over that stand so it's kind of annoying when he continues to bring it up again and again. Yes, if you've been through something like that you'd think about it constantly and maybe be eve a bit paranoid over it but I thought you went across the line by like, half an inch - really. Not much but you might want to take a look at it when you go back to edit this later. ;)

Okay, moving on to Charlie's characters, I still think you do a great job at keeping him in line. He knows what he is but he's also confused at the same time. I'm not sure if you know what I mean but this can tie into what Tanya said about reason on why he doesn't want to man up or what keeps him from doing so. In fact, all the friends that he hangs out with seem to be troublemakers so why is he the only wimpy angel in the group?

Friends and neighbors, people you go to school with and even the area that you live in have a strong influence on someone's behavior. Since Charlie is surrounded by so many bad things and all, I'm kind of wondering why he isn't more like them? Some of these kids might even have abusive parents too but they stay strong. From what I know, people who have a bad family life are probably going to want to seem stronger to others so they can get away from the weakness they feel in their own home, know what I mean?

So, this makes Charlie a bit of a unique kid. It's still chapter three and I still have time to understand why he is the way he is so I don't think I'll go much deeper into this at all. However, I do think it's something you might want to take a peek into and possibly give short explanation to in your chapter somewhere, lol. ^^

Overall though, this was an okay chapter. I think I liked the last part better but meh, you can't everything - right?
I did enjoy Charlie's thoughts though, his character really does stand out and is interesting. :3 More ever, your way of narration is done quite nicely and easily with a bit of dark humor in some areas, I think that's what I'm supposed to call it anyway.

Okay, well - here's my review. Hopefully it was a bit more helpful than the last one. ;)

-Punk
There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
-W. Somerset Maugham
  








Be steadfast as a tower that doth not bend its stately summit to the tempest’s shock.
— Dante Alighieri