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Young Writers Society


Poem



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Mon Dec 13, 2010 4:36 pm
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Loller65 says...



Today I watched you.
For like, half an hour.
No, seriously. I did.

I just, sat there, staring at you for what seemed like forever.
Something just made me want to.
Something made me wonder.
Something about you.

Your past life?
No.
The fact you might have at one time been an attractive young woman?
No.
The fact that you were there.
You were just there, stumbling about.

I couldn't bring myself to squeeze the trigger.
It would have been quick, painless, and effective.
But I couldn't. I couldn't.
You wouldn't understand why.

All these thoughts just started racing through my head.
Thoughts about life, death, love, and morality.
But mostly death.

And I got to thinking, y'know?
Why me?
Why not somebody worthy of such honor?
Why was I chosen to be the last man on the face of the earth?
Why not somebody like Steven Seagal?

Naturally, there was no answer.

Just my own tortured screams, echoing out across nothingness.
And then you noticed me.
You half ran, half limped towards me.

You seemed so happy.
So full of life.
Well, as full of life as a reanimated corpse can be.

And I hurt.
For you.
For me.
For the world.

So I shot you.
One round.
Through the brain.

You fell.
Tumbled to a stop on the rough ground.
And it was over.

That's my nightmare.
That's why I survive.
Because I am the last man on the earth.

And if I die, nobody will miss me.
Nobody will be there to shoot me in the face.
And that's awful, having nobody else.

Tonight, I think, is the night.
The night when mankind becomes extinct.
The night I place the gun to my temple and end it.

Tonight, I think.
I haven't decided though.
We'll have to see what tomorrow brings...
Last edited by Loller65 on Mon Dec 13, 2010 9:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"There are no absolute rules of conduct, either in peace or war. Everything depends on circumstances."


-Leon Trotsky-
  





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Mon Dec 13, 2010 6:25 pm
Button says...



This was freakin' intense. I got to the end and was like... "ZOMBIES?!"
But, seeing that I love zombies and whatnot (Shaun of the Dead ftw), I read through it again. And had to agree (with myself) that this MUST be about zombies. And I felt a little less obsessed, which is a very good thing. Always a pleasant surprise.

Anyways- I liked this. The rhythm was a bit off for me sometimes, but I really liked the simplicity and inner struggle, and how it ends completely unsure, and kind of doubles back to itself. And, I have to commend you for being able to pull off poetry about zombies. Believe me, I've tried, and the results will never be seen. Ever. For everyone's protection. And mine- people might attack me otherwise.


Great job!

-Coral-
  





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Mon Dec 13, 2010 6:41 pm
Butterfinger says...



This is the kind of poem that hooks me from the start. From the very first line I was curious what would happen next. Poetry isn't always doesn't have the answers on the table at first, or at all, and that's what I think makes it wonderful. I love how your stanzas aren't all the same length and yet they all have their own meaning and feel to them. Over all, I applaud you and hope to read more!
If you want to be a great writer, don't think about what you're going to write, just write it.

I'm a huge fan of writers block! When your brain halts, with no direction for where you should go, it gives you threads. All you have to do is pull and unravel the story you're meant to write.
  





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Mon Dec 13, 2010 7:57 pm
Charlii101 says...



it hooks you in straight away even though i don't get poetry much i kind of got this loved how it flows and has a devistating ending it holds alot of emotion and has a good effect on the reader! i liked this alot and my only word for improvement would be put a reapating word in there so it brings in beat if you know what i mean?
  





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Mon Dec 13, 2010 8:58 pm
Loller65 says...



Charlii101 wrote:put a reapating word in there so it brings in beat if you know what i mean?


Yeah, I get it.

And thanks for all the positive feedback, guys. I wasn't expecting this positive a reaction!
"There are no absolute rules of conduct, either in peace or war. Everything depends on circumstances."


-Leon Trotsky-
  





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Mon Jan 17, 2011 7:08 am
Jashael says...



Hi, Loller! Thanks for the request.

This is a nice poem written in an informal voice. Though I must admit that I didn't get the theme. *sighs* Can you feed it to me? XD Anyway, I'll (try) comment on the structure. All I can say is that, it was personal, the rhythm was kind of distracting at times 'cause it gets off a bit (but not to worry bout that), and it was a bit emotional. And I still have no idea what you were trying to say. Maybe you can tell me first before I comment any further. :lol:

~ Jash ♥
“I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen:
not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.”


—C.S. LEWIS


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Mon Jan 17, 2011 7:20 am
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Loller65 says...



It's just a poem about a lonely dude in the zombie apocalypse.
"There are no absolute rules of conduct, either in peace or war. Everything depends on circumstances."


-Leon Trotsky-
  





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Mon Jan 17, 2011 11:28 am
TheLittleLoser says...



Didn't get it at first. But when I re-read it I thought it was AWESOME ! Though as told by the above reviews, its rhythm is kinda off in the beginning. But still it was cool. Hope to read more from you. Keep it up :)
  





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Mon Jan 17, 2011 5:27 pm
GoaGreena says...



Very well done. At last I know I'm not the only one who writes such long poems. I loved it, of course. Very well done. Very intence. It conveyed alot of passion and I can tell you are someone who loves to write and writes what's on their mind. I don't come across alot of writers like this. Very, very well done!
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Sat Jun 11, 2011 5:12 am
Skylar16 says...



At first I thought it was a poem about a broken up couple or something like that, then a assassin, then was like, "Wow, I get it now!" This is a good poem. It's very intense and really brought me to that moment. Made me think of I Am Legend, with the loneliness and all that. Nice job!
When people ask me, why are you so weird, I never know what to say. Then I think, why should I be like this when I can be like ttthhhiiiisss?
  








But even the worst decisions we make don't necessarily remove us from the circle of humanity.
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