Young Writers Society

Alright, so I've finally gotten around to editing my prologue. However, I have a problem that's extremely difficult to fix. You see, I have two white dragons fighting a gold dragon. Because I don't want to introduce them as important characters yet, they aren't named in this section. That presents a problem though, because it leaves me describing them as "the gold" and "the two whites" over and over again.

So.. Can anyone help me think of other ways I could describe them?

Are the two white dragons identical in every way? If not, make sure you have a very clear image of what they both look like and find certain qualities that distinguish them, like one having larger wings than the other.

Hmm.. Alright, but that still only takes me so far. People don't want to hear "the larger-winged white dragon" or "the male dragon" that often..

I'm thinking about describing them using their "nationalities" as well, ie Sindrykan and Drykorians. However, that might get a little confusing, since it IS a war scene. It just focuses on this particular part of the battle.

Then why not just simplify things by making them different colours, or giving them names? Is there a really good reason for not giving names? In some books, when enemies couldn't be given a name, they were refered to by their hair colour or something like that as if it were their name. Like Green Hair and Big Mouth.

They WILL be given names, in time. This is just the prologue, and there are mysteries I'd rather keep with them..

And no, they can't be different colors. That completely defeats the purpose of the story.

Are the white dragons Crysi's parents? Cos that was kind of obbvious for me ... I'll delete that if I was right and you want me to.

Anyway ... well, hang on, I don't remeber how the battle went ... but um ... do you need to refer to them as often as you do? Because you can give the readers the general gist of things if you go "Gold claws caught the sunlight (or moonlight, depending) as they rose, blood spattered ... etc" and just kind of go on, with um ... your "camera" zoomed right-in, so you don't go "the gold dragon swung it's tail" but something like "The gold wire of a tail swept passed ...". Well, not as good as the claw one I used before, but you get the idea.

Also, if you do this, grab the thesaurus for other words for "white" and "gold".

Thanks, I might do that instead.

And there's much more of a mystery connected to the white dragons than that. But yes, you're right.

Ghni. (don't ask, it's just something I say when I'm pleased with myself)

I completely understand your dilemma. I had the same problem in one of my stories where a sword plays a major part in one scene. But 'sword' and 'blade' get really repetitive after a while, so I ended up giving the sword a name. (the old norsemen used to do that)

I agree with the thesaurus suggestion. The thesaurus is your frieeeend... *huggles Roget*

In fact both of Elelel's suggestions were fabulous. I can't help you much more...

You could perhaps describe the two white dragons differently by size.

That's the best I could come up with.