Young Writers Society

Looking up wistfully,
At the stars as they glitter
At the moon in its place
And the clouds as they glide gently by

I know that somewhere
Under this same dark sky
You're looking up at the stars
And thinking somehow of me

If I close my eyes
I can almost hear your voice
You're saying my name
Whispering sweet things in my ear

If I concentrate
I can almost feel your touch
Your arm around my waist
and your fingers ghosting over my cheek

If I imagine hard enough
I can feel you here with me
Can picture you sitting next to me
Holding my hand and speaking quietly

But if I open my eyes again
You're gone, somewhere out there
Looking at the sky, missing me
Just as much as I miss you

I liked it. I don't have much to say. I liked it, and there were no spelling errors for me to harp over. Maybe add some punctuation, but it works fine without it.

I thought this was really cool and liked your idea of someone you cherish looking up at the same sky. Very pretty. My only suggestion is that in the first stanza you look into using some more descriptive verbs. That was the only thing that bugged me. Other than that, beautiful, just beautiful. Good Job!

Duskglimmer wrote:At the moon in it's place

I'd just like to point out that you used the wrong 'it's'. "it's" is used only for "it is", and "its" is used for posession. So in this case, "its" should be used.

Duskglimmer wrote:If I imagine hard enough
I can feel you here with me
Can picture you sitting next to me
Holding my hand and talking with me

I think you overused the word "me" in this stanza. It ended every line!

That's all I can think of right now. This poem was great - keep writing!

Heya. Thank you for commenting. I made a few changes to the stanzas that you all mentioned. Let me know if you think it's any better. Thanks a bunch.

one of the things that first struck me with this was the notion that you capitalized all of the first line words' beginning letters. classy.

the line "and your fingers ghosting over my cheek" is so good it almost cheapens the rest of the piece.

hey,
nice work u had there i must admit.
keep it up.

This is very lovely, I too like the idea of you and your lover looking up at the same sky. This is very beutiful, great job.