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Young Writers Society


Darkness



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10 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 10
Sun Mar 27, 2005 2:45 am
legondre says...



Deep Deep in the cave where I seek,
Inside the hole where the shadows creep,
Seek, Seek, the light in the deep,
A noise, a sound, an end, a creak,
Dark Dark in every heart,
Shadows lurk and watch to mark,
Courage Courage, it fades in me,
There is evil there that does not sleep,
Dark Dark, the chill freezes my heart,
The shadow waits for us to meet,
I know they have planned for me a special treat,
They’re after me heart to corrupt and eat,
Darkness lies in every heart,
Every heart was born to be dark,
In the shadows where you cannot see,
A light will lay before you to see,
Kill Kill, I know they will,
Unlock the door, do not fret,
The evil hasn’t even begun its evil designs yet,
Life Life, the darkness brings it strife,
We fight it with all our strength and might,
Sleep Sleep, where the heartless creep,
To take your heart, and open it to the darkness,
Rage Rage against the birth of the light,
Fight Fight with all your might,
As the light grows and takes over the night,
In the abyss, where there’s broken hearts,
You’ll drown in the void where forever it is dark,
Deep Deep, is where I weep,
Love is here, but fear is what I keep,
Sleep Sleep, in thy gentle night,
You’ll wake in the abyss where there is light,
Where the shadows dwell,
And where the darkness says farewell,
Fear Fear, I know they’re here,
Dark Dark, stay away from my heart,
Scream Scream, please let this be a dream,
Fright Fright, I have no strength to fight,
Hark Hark, the dark hasn’t entered my heart,
The shadows have released me from their mark,
Light Light, I found it in the night,
The darkness somehow makes it more bright,
The shadow and darkness may eat the heart with its great mouth,
But deep down inside, there is a light that never goes out.


--Any suggestions?
  





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148 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 890
Reviews: 148
Sun Mar 27, 2005 11:47 pm
ohhewwo says...



I liked the message.

Many here are going to tell you that rhyme schemes suck. But, in this one, the rhyming didn't seem forced at all, except for in a few places.

This poem reminded me of The Lord of the Rings, and I'm not sure why. I guess it was the style, or something.
  








“Such nonsense!" declared Dr Greysteel. "Whoever heard of cats doing anything useful!" "Except for staring at one in a supercilious manner," said Strange. "That has a sort of moral usefulness, I suppose, in making one feel uncomfortable and encouraging sober reflection upon one's imperfections.”
— Susanna Clarke, Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell