Young Writers Society

The suns last rays touched the ocean,
that was raging forth like a wildcat,
changing as quickly as my emotions,
but unlike the ocean,
my emotions were twisted.
How could anyone understand me,
If I could not even understand my own feelings?
My heart was built on hopes,
dreams hanging off the edge of reality.

But then there was also a dark side,
my pain overshadowed my hopes sometimes.
I was no different than others nowdays.
Mindlessly dreaming on,
Wandering around,
Lost.

But we can be different.
Because who can we shift the blame to?
Too many now try to shift it away,
afraid of the pain they would bare.
For once I want to be free,
I want to be rid of this world.
I want my tears to wash away all my pain,
All my emotions.
________________________

I wrote this poem just on my feelings. I maybe want to make it longer, go deeper into my feelings. I really hope people can understand what this means. Its the first poem I have written in a long time, so it may need some work. I love it though, because I enjoy doing free verse style more than rhyming.
Thanks!
-Dreami

Good poem. It just seems a little wordy. Don't know where I'm getting that from or how to fix it, but that's just how I feel.

YOU'RE BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!! I haven't seen you in ages! You need a Welcome Back gift: mas_wink: mas_happy: mas_cool: mas_evil: :dreidel: :menorah: :frosty: :thumb: =D> #-o =P~ :^o [-X [-o< 8-[ [-( :-k ](*,) :whistle: O:) =; :sick: {|= :-$ :-s \:D/ :-# :hearts_eyes: :love: :lots_hearts:

Lol, thanks. And yes, I am back. Its been a long time. And thanks for the idea. *sigh* Its nice to be back. And I'll be staying for good now. The site has really improved though, since I left.

I thought this was really nice. It was a little wordy as nietowl said, but it was good. Here's some crit

The suns last rays touched the ocean,
that was raging forth like a wildcat,
changing as quickly as my emotions,
but unlike the ocean,
my emotions were twisted.
How could anyone understand me,
If I could not even understand my own feelings?
My heart was built on hopes,
dreams hanging off the edge of reality.

I really liked your first line, a solid introduction. The second line was a little out of place in my opinion, but it was ok. I really loved the few lines after that and adored your last line. "Dreams hanging off the edge of reality" very pretty

But then there was also a dark side,
my pain overshadowed my hopes sometimes.
I was no different than others nowdays.
Mindlessly dreaming on,
Wandering around,
Lost.

I didn't really like your 2nd stanza as much. I think you could have used some different words because compared to the first stanza, words like 'sometimes' and 'nowadays' seemed a little out of place at least in my opinion.

But we can be different.
Because who can we shift the blame to?
Too many now try to shift it away,
afraid of the pain they would bare.
For once I want to be free,
I want to be rid of this world.
I want my tears to wash away all my pain,
All my emotions.

This was ok, but still not as good as the beginning. Also, in the 4th line bare should be bear. I really liked the last few lines of the stanza, but not really the first few. You had really good linebreaks here which is really good. I loved how it flowed.

Very beautiful poem, very beautiful indeed. Good Job!