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Honors English essay

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Sat Dec 06, 2008 6:51 pm
Jon says...



I would appreciate Mechanics, Grammar, and flow tips/corrections. Anything is very much appreciated.
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---Jon---
:D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In 1692 in Salem, Massachusetts the witchcraft trials began. The witchcraft trials persecuted

innocent people and condemned them to death. In 1953, Arthur Miller wrote a play, “The

Crucible”. This play told the events that probably unfolded during the actual event. During the

witchcraft trials, fear was one of the major forces driving it forward. In this puritan society,

people looked to God or the Devil for the causes of things. People did not look for medical issues

or any other type of cause because they knew nothing else. As a result the people of Salem went

to superstition. When people with limited knowledge think, things can go horribly wrong. Fear is

the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the

beginning of wisdom.

Fear is the main source of superstition. That statement can be proved through the actions of

Reverend Hale. Reverend Hale is a man that brings books of ‘knowledge’ and ‘truth’ to Salem.

These books cause many problems for Salem and its people. For example, when he uses them to

‘help’ Betty by awakening her, it causes problems for Tituba by making her confess. Her

confession revealed many names that could have been unspoken otherwise. Another example of

this is through the actions of Abigail Williams. Abigail Williams was the girl who started, and

kept this ‘witch hunt’ going by the use of fear. For example, when she tells the girls, “I will come

to you in the black of some terrible night and I will bring a pointy reckoning that will shudder

you!” This statement made by Abigail halts any truth that the girls may have told, they were

afraid to. Superstition in “The Crucible” is not used bluntly; they don’t seem to have an

understanding of it.

Fear is the main source of cruelty. That statement can be proved through the actions of Mercy

Lewis. Mercy Lewis is the servant of the Procter household and turns against John Proctor. For

example, when John and Mercy go to the courthouse, she gets scared and tells Judge Danforth

that he is the ‘Devil’s Man’. Mercy does this to get out of accusation and Abigail’s attempts at

‘getting rid of her’. Another example that supports this statement we can see through the actions

of Abigail Williams. Abigail, as we know, is the one who started this and was too afraid to tell

the truth. For example, Abigail uses fear to control the girls into acting like they see people’s

‘familiar spirits’. This ultimately gets people in trouble that they could have not been in

otherwise. The people of Salem hanged for her lies and her fear of getting caught, this was very

selfish and cruel of Abigail.

To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom. This statement can be proved though the actions

of Rebecca Nurse. Rebecca Nurse is the sensible one during the witchcraft trials. For example,

when Betty Parris is in bed and cannot get up and everyone is speaking witchcraft, Rebecca is

the one who says it will pass. She says that she has been a mother eleven times and a

grandmother twenty-six times, that it will pass. Another example that supports the statement, we

can see through the actions of John Proctor. John Proctor believes none of what is going on

around him, he thinks its folly. For example, when he says, “Now the little crazy children are

jangling the keys of the kingdom, and common vengeance writes the law!” John Proctor is a

rational man in this play, he knows what Abigail is doing and he uses reason to try and stop it.

Although he fails, he remains brave and ‘keeps near his wits’.

Fear is a common device used in “The Crucible”. We see that fear can cause people to do

some horrible things to people. We see that the absence of fear can cause people to fight for the

truth. Fear is a very powerful thing that plays with our emotions. When our emotions are

‘played’ with, we as a people cannot think ‘straight’. Salem feared that the Devil was at play

because why would God do such a thing? Superstition and fear along with manipulation and

secret fueled this fire that killed people. I guess the saying, “The truth shall set you free.” is

correct. Being such a ‘God fearing” community of people, they should have known this. They

did not however because fear clouded their judgment. We can now see that fear is a very

powerful emotion that can strip the disguises off people so we can see their true form.
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Sat Dec 06, 2008 7:08 pm
Rosey Unicorn says...



wisemann210 wrote:I would appreciate Mechanics, Grammar, and flow tips/corrections. Anything is very much appreciated.
Points will be donated to people who can help.
Thank you.


---Jon---
:D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In 1692 in Salem, Massachusetts the witchcraft trials began. The witchcraft trials persecuted

innocent people and condemned them to death. In 1953, Arthur Miller wrote a play, “The

Crucible”. This play told the events that probably unfolded during the actual event. During the

witchcraft trials, fear was one of the major forces driving it forward. In this puritan society,

people looked to God or the Devil for the causes of things. People did not look for medical issues

or any other type of cause because they knew nothing else. As a result the people of Salem went

to superstition. When people with limited knowledge think, things can go horribly wrong. Fear is

the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the

beginning of wisdom. I didn't quite realize that the last line of this was part of the thesis.

Fear is the main source of superstition. That statement can be proved through the actions of

Reverend Hale. Reverend Hale is a man that brings books of ‘knowledge’ and ‘truth’ to Salem.

These books cause many problems for Salem and its people. For example, when he uses them to

‘help’ Betty by awakening her, it causes problems for Tituba by making her confess. Her

confession revealed many names that could have been unspoken otherwise. Another example of

this is through the actions of Abigail Williams. Abigail Williams was the girl who started, and

kept this ‘witch hunt’ going by the use of fear. For example, when she tells the girls, “I will come

to you in the black of some terrible night and I will bring a pointy reckoning that will shudder

you!” This statement made by Abigail halts any truth that the girls may have told, they were

afraid to. Superstition in “The Crucible” is not used bluntly; they don’t seem to have an

understanding of it.

Fear is the main source of cruelty. That statement can be proved through the actions of Mercy

Lewis. Mercy Lewis is the servant of the Procter household and turns against John Proctor. For

example, when John and Mercy go to the courthouse, she gets scared and tells Judge Danforth

that he is the ‘Devil’s Man’. Mercy does this to get out of accusation and Abigail’s attempts at

‘getting rid of her’. Another example that supports this statement we can see through the actions

of Abigail Williams. Abigail, as we know, is the one who started this and was too afraid to tell

the truth. For example, Abigail uses fear to control the girls into acting like they see people’s

‘familiar spirits’. Quotes always go on the outside of a period or comma. That goes for everything.This ultimately gets people in trouble that they could have not been in

otherwise. The people of Salem hanged for her lies and her fear of getting caught, this was very

selfish and cruel of Abigail.

To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom. This statement can be proved though the actions

of Rebecca Nurse. Rebecca Nurse is the sensible one during the witchcraft trials. For example,

when Betty Parris is in bed and cannot get up and everyone is speaking witchcraft, Rebecca is

the one who says it will pass. She says that she has been a mother eleven times and a

grandmother twenty-six times, that it will pass. Another example that supports the statement, we

can see through the actions of John Proctor. John Proctor believes none of what is going on

around him, he thinks its folly. For example, when he says, “Now the little crazy children are

jangling the keys of the kingdom, and common vengeance writes the law!” When he says this he means what? John Proctor is a

rational man in this play, he knows what Abigail is doing and he uses reason to try and stop it.

Although he fails, he remains brave and ‘keeps near his wits’. Is that a line from the play? If it is, cite is properly, if it's not, loose the quotes

Fear is a common device used in “The Crucible”. We see that fear can cause people to do

some horrible things to people. We see that the absence of fear can cause people to fight for the

truth. Fear is a very powerful thing that plays with our emotions. When our emotions are

‘played’ with, we as a people cannot think ‘straight’. why put quotes around played and straight? Salem feared that the Devil was at play

because why would God do such a thing? Superstition and fear along with manipulation and

secret fueled this fire that killed people. I guess the saying, “The truth shall set you free.” is

correct. Being such a ‘God fearing” single quote on one side, double on the other community of people, they should have known this. They

did not however because fear clouded their judgment. We can now see that fear is a very

powerful emotion that can strip the disguises off people so we can see their true form.


What style of essay is this? MLA or APA? How long is the play? Anything longer then a half-hour/an hour to read usually gets it's title italasized. However if your prof says otherwise listen to him/her first.

Some of the body sections feel thin. The middle body paragraph is the thinnest, the end body paragraph is the thickest. You don't fully explain the examples and what they mean.

You shouldn't put single or double quotes inside a period. If your prof says otherwise then ignore me, but most of the time you shouldn't do that.

These are just some general comments/questions to look things over. Other then that, I really like this. The thesis is strong, you support your thesis well with quotes in the play . For somebody who hasn't read the play it gave a general gist of things.
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Sat Dec 06, 2008 7:15 pm
Krupp says...



There's only two things that really come to mind when I read this. Firstly, be careful when you're writing that you stick with the present-tense writing and don't dip into past-tense. I've done that before only to get royally screwed because of it.

Secondly, go back and try to create some transitional phrases or sentences for your paragraphs. One paragraph starts off with "Fear is the main source of supersition" Which is all right, I suppose, but then the next paragraph says "Fear is the main source of cruelty." You need to change this kind of thing up and start the paragraphs with something different. They'll dock you points for that. The problem that really bugs me here is that every paragraphs starts off blandly. Try to come up with something original, or put the start of every paragraph into a different phrasing.

For example: the conclusion paragraph starts of like this for you: Fear is a common device used in "the Crucible"

Instead, try to write something like this (And in no way am I saying that you should use this example itself. I'm just showing you what you COULD do): The element of fear in "the Crucible" is a large part of the theme. Fear can cause...

You get my point. And try not to use terms like "We" or "You" or "I" if you can help it.

Just trying to help you, lad. I went through this stuff as well; everbody does.
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