Young Writers Society

Okay, so I’m writing this story in the present tense, but there are some parts –such as the second paragraph- where the narrator, Aromeda, talks about what she had done minutes ago. In the past.Like:

I know it's wrong to eavesdrop on Duke Kaeen -after all, he is my guardian.
But what else could I do? I've skipped breakfast to follow a maid to his office at his written request, and he is not even in there. The maid shoots me a dark look then leaves me at the door.
Finding no response to my knocking minutes ago, I entered the office myself to check if the duke was there. He was not. I decided to go and look around his library while I waited for him because Her Grace the Duchess has forbidden it, and that was how I came across it.

The eavesdropping is happening now, but skipping breakfast, going to the office, and the glaring maid happened before the story began. So what tense should I use for the latter?

I'm aware that if this was written in the past tense, it would be like:

I know it was wrong to eavesdrop on Duke Kaeen- after all he was my guardian.
... Finding no response to my knocking a few minutes ago, I had entered the office myself to check if the duke was there. He was not.

Right? So how does it change when writing in the present tense?

Explanation much appreciated!
Cheers,
Alpha

Interesting question!


Okay, so, what you seem to be doing here is skipping through snapshots. It's not that your tense is wrong for what you're trying to achieve, but more that your timeframe is changing far too quickly.

Imagine you were writing a diary. You would write something along the lines of 'I went to the shop, bought some sweets, then came home. Now I'm sitting on the couch feeling full of sugar and still not satisfied. I also cleaned my room for the first time this month.'

This switches quickly between past and present tense, but the timeframe is the duration of however long you're sitting on the couch writing that diary. The entire entry for this day is written from that timeframe.

What you're doing is switching timeframes so quickly it all gets muddled up. You go from standing in the first position, to being by the door with the maid, to being inside already. Imagine watching a movie where the scene changes that fast- it wouldn't make sense.

So, you have two choices:

Option One: Write it all in realtime.

This is better if you want to include all the details of what's happening in the story, and fleshing it out in details will pace it out- like describing whatever you would be staring at while waiting for the door to open.

I skip breakfast to follow a maid to [Duke Kaeen's] office at his written request, and he's not even there. The maid shoots me a dark look then leaves me at the door.
I knock and wait a few minutes. Finding no response I enter the office myself to check if [he's] there. He is not. I decide to go and look around his library while I wait for him, because Her Grace the Duchess has forbidden it, and that's how I come across it.

And cut this bit until it becomes relevent: "I know it's wrong to eavesdrop on Duke Kaeen -after all, he is my guardian. But what else can I do?"

Option Two: Write it from where you're standing.

This is better if you want to quicky explain how you came to be standing where you are- but you should avoid smaller details like the maid's look.

I know it's wrong to eavesdrop on Duke Kaeen -after all, he is my guardian.
But what else can I do?

I skipped breakfast to follow a maid to his office at his written request, and he is not even in there. The maid shot me a dark look then leftme at the door.
Finding no response to my knocking minutes ago, I entered the office myself to check if the duke was there. He is not. I decided to go and look around his library while I waited for him because Her Grace the Duchess has forbidden it, and that was how I came across it.

Here you would continue to write strictly in past until you reach the point where you're eavesdropping on the Duke, which is when you switch to present.

Thanks! You're amazing ^^

You're welcome!

I had to get round to thinking about this stuff anyway because I'm embarking on my first present tense novel and this is dangerously unknown territory. I was inspired by The Hunger Games and the sense of immediacy you can get from present tense.

I guess that means we're on this learning curve together.