Young Writers Society

I am writing a story and one of the characters is an actual wolf, claws, teeth, fur you know the works. So I have a scene where he is aggressive and I wanted to know if anyone knows of any good words to use.

This is what I have so far:

Steel gray claws extended from the wolf’s large black paws. Black fur with silver tips stood straight up. The wolf’s long snout cringed. His lips were tight and pulled forward. Its ears were pointed slightly forward. The wolf’s forehead, neck hair and hackles were raised. Ivory teeth appeared between the jaws, its tongue moved around its mouth, and saliva dripped from its lips. The wolf snapped stepping closer to her. As the wolf lifted its right paw partly above ground its claw sparkled from the rising sun.

Any ideas?

Well, to be perfectly honest, I think your description is too purple.

Think about it. You've got an aggressive wolf obviously angry and headed towards you. Are you really going to admire the sparkle of the sunlight on a raised claw?

Rather, I think if you focused the descriptions on the posture and sounds the wolf is making, as well as its actions, the description would come across as more tense and danger-filled. You do a bit of this with noting the hair bristling out and the teeth being shown, but it's pretty heavily drowned out by the prettiness of the descriptions.

Like, is the wolf slinking, stalking, or stiff-leggedly walking towards her? How big does his bristling hair make him look like? Is there saliva dripping from his jaws?

I'd recommend focusing less on making your descriptions pretty and focusing more on making them more emotive. Try to make make your readers go "oh no angry wolf ack get away run away!!!" instead of "Oooh! Pretty claw!"

See if you can find videos on YouTube of wolves hunting. Or up-close video of wolves fighting. I'm sure there has to be something because people love studying wolves. What are you ACTUALLY seeing? As Kyllorac said, this is a little too pretty. Think of the exposed gums, a smell in the air, the sound of the growl, the size (they're not the tallest, but they are *massive*). Your readers will have a pretty good idea of their own what a wolf's coloring and general appearance is, so try to convey what turns a majestic wolf into a scary as hell wolf.

The air brushed through its short fur, as condensation escaped its cringed snout. Saliva coated its tongue as it brushed against sharp, ivory canines; the occasional drop hiting the growned. Its ears were pulled forward and its lips tucked up. Four black paws stood firm to the earth's soil, the beast lowered it's head while its ember eyes watched every motion she made. Although its head was lowered it kept it's nose tilted up to smell. Deep rumbles came from its throat when the girl tried moving. The wolf stepped forward slowly; it's eyes keeping track of it's injured kin and the full grown men moving in from the sides.

I re-did it, does this sound a little more like a wolf?

Try less focus on painting a perfect picture for your reader to see, and more on the impression you want to give.

If I tell you that my math teacher had reddish skin and thin blonde hair and a round jaw and broad forehead, it won't have half as much impact as if I tell you that with his hair so thin and pale, his head looked like a giant lollipop.

Having ember eyes doesn't have as much impact as something like 'the eyes burned like fire with a lust to consume everything in its path.' Except of course you could come up with better, but you get the idea ^__^

I find the task of the writer is not to create a perfect image, but to inspire the readers imagination enough to create their own. It's less about 'hey look at this wolf with black paws and glowy eyes it's about to eat someone' and more about 'OhMyGosh look it's gonna eat youuuu!'

That makes since, thank you.