Young Writers Society

Okay so here goes....
Driven by her deceased father's vision of the future a young woman makes acquaintance with the daughter of the man that took part in her father's death knowing she will be the key to the book of Hush and the powers within.
Along the way her teacher Gabriel who also taught her father and her lover Jasper worry for her sanity when the book becomes her obsession. The more she unearths about her father the more dangerous she becomes tracking down each man that took part in her father's death and attacking them leading up to the showdown with the little girl's father Dimitri.

Um....um...um um um um....
(I'm going to give a very short reply here, not sure what you want us to say?)

Sounds cool(ish...if you're into that sort of stuff)

BUT WAIT!!!

This is highly detailed and complicated---readers and editors alike are going to get bogged down in technicalities and just skip the whole thing---meaning your book.

Here is what your story line should strive to be in a nutshell:
1. Primal---meaning, could you pitch this to a neanderthal? If your gym teacher doesn't get it...nobody else will either. What is the drive here? What is the basic goal of the story. Love, survival, tossing the ring into Doom....keep it simple
2. Under 25 words---what you have here is a short synopsis, story lines are one sentence.
3. It's about a guy who.... give us a one word adjective to describe the heroine, and then what she does. Why are we caring about her?
4. And finally, throw in the "but" X tries to achieve A BUT in the process is stopped by Y. Figure out what the "Y" is---it's a hook. Something to grab your readers, and also something to structure your story around.

Sorry that was fast---hope it helps.