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Dreams



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Gender: Female
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Thu Jan 19, 2012 6:37 pm
HorsebackWriter says...



My mother had always been supportive of me and they way I chose to live my life, or in the very least I thought she was. As I look back on that time, I realize that the dream life I had seemed to live had become my living hell.

I was a "mistake" as I heard my mother tell me step-father when I was five. And even though my mother has constantly told me that the teenage sex she had that resulted in me was the mistake, those words have haunted me ever since. I was born in the northeast, in a time where anyone who had sex before marriage was a whore.

But my mother loved me from the minute she found out, or so she told me to my face. Behind my back I could hear her bemoan that I ruined her life and that she wished she could go back to that night and stop herself. But, while we may be in a modern society time travel sadly still is impossible, and reversing my birth is as well.

My dad kicked up dust as soon as I was born, and I have never once seen him in my life. My mother is estatic about that fact. She tells me that I'm better off without him, but I think that she's glad she doesn't have to see the two people who ruined her life and career in the same room.

When I started my first day of school, a few years after we moved down south, I didn't even notice when my parents left the room. Why would I? It's not like I saw them much anyway. Hell, I saw my babysitter more than I saw them.

But when my uncle died, who up until then had been one of the few people I really trusted they pulled me out of school and started homeschooling me. This is something I will never forgive them for. They very easily ruinded my life that day, and I don't intend to let them forget it.

My mother has always told me that if you believe in yourself and God enough that you'll get whatever you want and all your dreams will come true. Well mom, shove it up your ass, this isn't fairytale land and I'm not your little princess anymore.

I went to a football game last season and saw a bunch of my old firends for the first time in seven years. Seven years!! I missed them so much that I actually cried there at the field. I hate my parents for taking my life away because looking at their faces that night suddenly brought to a head all I had missed out on.

My mothers dream saying is so hypocritical. She never worked towards anything in her life, besides making me miserable. And no matter how much I dream or believe in myself I'm never going to go to public school. My mother thinks that she knows me inside out and upside down, and well, mom, reality check here. Yeah you used to change my diapers but hell, you don't know a damn thing about me.

She doesn't know that I love that almost uneartly blue the sky is when the sun rises in the morning, or the milky grey when the moon is full. She doesn't know that while, yeah, I love listening to country music I'm also a hardcore Nickelback and Daughtry fan. And she doesn't know that every night I cry myself to sleep because I'm so alone.

To those of you who think you're going to homeschool your kids someday, DON'T DON'T DON'T do it while they're in highschool. I speak from experience when I say that it is the worst thing you could ever do to them and they will more than likely hate you for the rest of you're life. People need people, and I won't lie, I'm so lonely that I've had thoughts of suicide.

It's not just lonely, it's makes the one being homeschooled feel isolated and seperate from the rest of the world. I never know or understand what my friends are talking about when they start talking about school, I'm never invited to birthday parties, dinner, or just to hang out. I'm so desprate for human contact that I feel like I fish out of water. I can't breathe.

The one thing I want in this world is for my life to be my own. My mother knows where I am, what I'm doing, and who I'm with all the time. Everything I do she knows about. I can't wait for the day I get my lisence and I can go to the football games without needing a rider and therefore earing a babysitter.

Running is the only thing that keeps me from going insane. Running and music. If I didn't have those two things I don't knwo what I'll do.

I'm in my sophmore year (skipped a couple a grades) and I have two years of school left. My mother dreams of me graduating from our state university with honers and a degree in teaching. I want to go to West Point Miltary Academy and get a degree in medicine.

She's not going to support me in this, and I know because the one adnonly time I have even mentioned West Point in our college talks, she goes, "Why would you want to go there? It's an army school and you're a girl." Thanks for the support mom. Thanks so much.

I'm probaly not going to see my family much if I go, and while I'm going to miss my brothers and sisters I don't give a damn. Getting the hell outta Dodge is the only way I'll ever be free to live my own life.

If your parent support you no matter what you do, and try their hardest to not only do what's best for you but to make you happy as well, give them a hug and tell them you love them, and thank them for putting up with your sorry ass all these years. My mother only cares about what I'm doing and hwo that'll look with her friends and family.

And while my mother may be hypocritical with her Dream saying, doesn't mean it's not true. I dream of a day when I load up a beatup pickup with my crap and drive, just drive past the border and across the states where I can be who I want to be.

If someone ever tells you that you can't do something because of your age, weight, gender, or even sexual preferince don't let them get you down. Everyone is worth something to someone or to themself, and everyone deserves a chance to make there dreams come true.

So if you have the chance to do something or be soemthing you want, don't hesitate you guys. Telling my parents I was oay with them taking me outta school when I wasn't has proved to be the worst mistake of my life. Don't be me, so trapped that you can't breathe until you get out. Be yourself, and fight for your dreams.


If you don't, who will?
"So it all comes down to this, doesn't it? Does the wand in your hand know it's last master was Disarmed? Beacause if it does...I am the true master of the Elder Wand."

"And quite honestly, I've had enough trouble for a lifetime."

~Harry Potter
  








See, we could have been called The Shoes.
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