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Mon Jan 16, 2012 5:59 pm
MathisSiddel says...



Novice writer, actually I do not really write. This is a "flash fiction" assignment for English III. Being under 750 words and having a strong symbol are the only real requirements. I used the uniforms for the symbol. Also the ___ are an object that is used to prank the boys. I do not really know what would work best... A clown that has a creepy happy laugh? Any suggestions on how to improve would be very much appreciated.

When lining up in front of their cabin one boy tripped on what he knew must be another defeat. The girls were just being rude now. He quickly kicked the ___ out of the way to hide evidence of shenanigans, as they were called in their lessons, from the counselor. It was a sweltering day. Haze and dust was in the air. Any grass seemed to be a dull gray green. One was reminded of such colors you would find on desert shrubbery. The tight uniforms were already making all of the boys uncomfortable. They cut off air with small high collars. They also cut off any hope of fun and adventures that one would expect from summer camp. The counselors loved them.

After inspection the boys lined up and shuffled off to breakfast. There the boy who was tripped showed his friends the ___ the girls prank. They all huffed their hatred towards the girls and their silly camp on the other side of the lake. One of the boys suggested that they should try to escape camp again to prank them. The rest looked tired and unenthusiastic, remembering the week of horror after their first attempt. Anyways stooping to the girl’s level would be childish and they were proper young men. They knew the girls camp must be must less strict. Their daring was just more proof of lackadaisical rules. One of the boys suggested that even though they could not get back at the girls directly they must make peace with the situation. If not they would surly go insane with spite. Unfortunately this boy’s age surpassing wisdom was short lived and he could not produce a plan of action.

After much debating over possible plans of destruction the boys decided a watery grave for the ___ would be sufficient. As the plan flushed out small details from different boys made it a grand one indeed. One boy suggested they go to the middle of the lake at midnight with the canoes and throw the ___ in the water then. Another boy suggested a brick to ensure that the ___ would sink. The cleverest idea was a bit of science that the smartest boy suggested; lighting the water on fire with a bit of fuel before the ___ was sunk. After the planning each of the boys were assigned a task. They were all quite pleased with their genius and smugly went about the rest of their day.

The boy charged with waking everyone at eleven thirty started off the mission. They sneaked out of the cabin and down to the water front without detection. Next the brick was produced from under a night shirt and the ___ from another. The ____ was then tied to the brick. All of the boys were bursting with nervous energy as they carefully removed canoes and life jackets from the racks. The two fully loaded canoes slid into the water and they were off. Their efficiency was amazing considering talking was strictly forbidden in this task. As they moved along they were all stern. All heads faced forwards. The only noise was the black water lapping at the sides of their canoes.

When the head paddler judged the center of the lake the boys pulled the canoes along side of each other. The ___ would die between them. The petrol was slowly and carefully poured to the surface of the water. The boy with the matches hurriedly struck one and threw it to the surface of the water. It sputtered out. All of the boys held their breath staring hard at the boy who was ruining everything. Another match failed. A big boy grunted disapproval and grabbed the matches. Instead of throwing the lit match he bravely lowered his hand to the water. A burst of bright light and all of the boy’s faces turned to smiles. The ___ was tossed to its death. The flames slowly died as the ___ sank. Everything was black and because of the brightness of the flames the boys were temporarily blind in the night. They solemnly paddled back to the cabins without saying a word.

One month later the boy that had tripped on the __ in the first place was sitting up perfectly straight in a tight, circulation destroying, imagination stifling school uniform. The teacher was droning on about something that was extremely important according to him. He called, “John what do you think comes after this?” Our John, who was in a daze, jerked his mind away from the dream world. I do not know what he was thinking, but there were flames behind his eyes.
███████████████!!Story Booker Here!!███████████████
  





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Tue Jan 17, 2012 1:59 am
CSheperd says...



That's pretty good. I liked how it was a flashback. It makes me think about going back to school and daydream of my own summer mischievities. Maybe for the thing they took from the girls, never let on to the readers. Like a secret that is truly, at the bottom of a lake. The only negative I could see was repetitive words here and there. Hopethis one gets an A
  








The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet.
— Aristotle