Young Writers Society

I wrote this story when I was in school, about three years ago.

It has been a long journey; at last, I have arrived.

Throughout life we encounter challenges. Some overcome them, others move around them. We often hear people talking about life as a journey and how we shape our life on our decisions. Some say that there are journeys called happiness and success and others may say that both are of the same nature. Regardless of what any of these views say, there is one inevitable destination, and I have reached it.

As I lay here on this sandy beach in the northern region of France, my legs are numb. Suddenly, I feel very cold and a lot of pain from the five bullet wounds which pierce my chest. It's no use trying to express the excruciating pain because regardless of whether or not by some miracle I do get help, I realise that my time is over and in my last few moments, as it is metaphorically described, I see the light. Images of my journey to this point flash in front of my eyes, some are happy, others are sombre.

In all the years of my life I have never recalled this much and adding to the excruciating pain, I feel a heavy heart pounding in my throat. Images of my life once lived. I recall my first memories of a girlfriend, how I hung my heart out to her and my mind, in all its capacity, placed her on the highest pedestal. Soon the memory is blurred by the vision of meeting my life partner, who will now face the world alone, a challenge I dreaded to face as I sat in that gloomy hospital, praying that everything would go well when she was giving birth to our first born. A feeling I cannot begin to explain, the joy and amazement which tickled my heart as I looked at what we rightfully called OURS.

That amazing feeling was soon followed by the distressful times as I had taken the life decision of becoming as entrepreneur and making my dreams a reality. The stresses and challenges imposed by vicious markets and the most challenging time when the global economy reached a slump and business was set to close down. Possibly the most challenging aspect of my life, trying to balance the numerous phone calls from banks and suppliers alike, with my family on the other. Painful memories of endless arguments on family and responsibility and dashed hopes and dreams.

A trickle of blood flows out of my hand, the warmth is shocking and my heart thuds sorely as I recall feeling a warm hand which I could hold in times of both happiness and sadness and a warm hand which I would kill for to feel once more.

Memories of laughter and tears all drain the energy out of my soul and yet I feel some great accomplishment, some reassurance that I lived a life worth living and no matter how hard I try nothing will change my path as I have travelled for a very long time and at last, I have arrived.

Hello there, Enzo! I'm Rose, and I'll be reviewing this piece today!

First off, welcome to YWS. I hope that you like it here as much as I do! There are so many awesome, talented writers on here that have helped me improve my writing. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask me or any one of them, and we'll be happy to help you in any way that we can! Now, on to the piece.

First off, let's discuss the title. I don't usually comment on how people entitle their work; however, I feel that it is necessary here. It seems just a tad long to me. Perhaps I would shorten it to "It's Been A Long Journey" or "I Have Arrived At Last" or something like that. It just seems cleaner to me. First impressions are very important, especially in writing, and what's more of a first impression than the title itself?

Throughout life, we encounter challenges. Some people overcome them while others move around them. We often hear people talking about life as a journey and how we shape our lives on our decisions. Some say that there are journeys called happiness and success, and others may say that both are of the same nature. Regardless of what any of these views say, there is one inevitable destination, and I have reached it.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. I almost feel like the person who wrote it was sitting in a warm library with a fire crackling in a fireplace nearby rather than crumpled on a battlefield somewhere in France. The writing itself isn't bad, but somehow I feel that it doesn't make sense when used in this story. Perhaps it's just me. When writing a story like this, it's good to put yourself in the main character's shoes. Think about it. If your character's dying on a battlefield, will he launch into a deep discussion of how the world affects everybody? Probably not. His mind will probably be on other things. That's just my opinion.

However, you can get your point across in a different way. Maybe you can have the character remembering something important that happened in his life and have your message conveyed through the telling of the story. Make it subtle. Perhaps your main character doesn't even have to realize the message. Perhaps the reader will be the only one to recognize it instead.

Remember, this is just my opinion! If you love this piece, don't change a thing! Your opinion is the only one that matters at the end of the day, so stay true to yourself!

Always keep writing!

-Rose

To be honest, I really really liked this. From the beginning (the title) I expected something cliche and underwhelming. Thankfully and truthfully, your piece went beyond my expectations. This showed how a man could go through life and a war (I assume) and even when remembering th elove of this life and the birth of their child- he can come to grips with the fact that he's dying and that he's... actually okay with that, stating that it's just a journey and he's done with his.

Keep writing! This is great!
-Renn

Thank you both stop much for your reviews. I really appreciate you taking the time to read my work.

Thanks for your tips Creativity. It seems my grammar needs some brushing up and I guess in some ways the scene could be misinterpreted maybe I should edit it to include a bit more of a detailed setting. I've actually never had much more than a school English background so I could use all the help I can get to improve my work.

I'm glad you enjoyed it Renn and thank you very much for your encouragement.

I look forward to reading both of your works soon.