Young Writers Society

Hello, my name is Patrick, and this is my unfortunate tale. It is a story of woe, despair, and misery, namely, my own. It is a story of life lessons, also, ones that teach you that it is very good to be a healthy person. If you thought that just being fat was unfortunate, then you need to listen to what I have to say. Please, I beg of you, do not let my fate fall upon you. Do not enter the wrath of…The Fast Food Curse!

I am forty-three years old, and I am your average, obese American. I do whatever I can possibly manage to just sit around and do nothing. At work, I sat at a desk all day and type, though, with my expanding stomach, I had found it harder and harder to reach my desk, keyboard, and phone. This was my first warning that there was something drastically wrong but, ignorant as I was, I simply ignored it.

My diet is average; I wake up, lumber out of bed, to my car, and start my day. I take a trip to McDonalds, munching on many of their Egg McMuffins and Sausage Burritos on my way to work. At work, I stress about all of the things that I have to complete but know I won’t, and, to help me deal with it, I nibble on a couple dozen boxes of Girl Scout cookies and Doritos before lunch. When lunch does come around, oh goodness me, am I hungry! Off in my car I go again, but this time to Burger King, always making sure to go through the Drive-Thru as to avoid the physical strain of walking inside. After getting about twenty dollars worth of Buck-Doubles and free ice cream, I am back to work, and it is not long before I am snacking away while I wait for my day to end. On my way home from my long day at work, I either stop at Taco Bell, KFC, or Wendy’s. It’s a rarity for me to go to Subway because they do mot have a Drive-Thru and lately I have found it a bit of a hassle to try to fit through their doors, which they seem to shrink everyday.

One day, as I was getting out of work and going to my car (parked as close to the door as possible) I almost ran over an old woman in my search for more food. Slowing her hobble, she turned, gave me the Evil Eye, pointed a boney, crooked finger as me and said, in a rusty voice, “Man of whale proportions! You are what make everything about America look bad! You are what makes us fat and seem greedy and have much food to waste! The next time you eat McDonalds, you shall fall under the Fast Food Curse! And you shall remain in this state, until the day you die!” Cackling, she went away down the street.

I did not particularly pay attention to this woman, because, well, look how many crazies there are in the world! There was no need to heed a crazy old lady I bumped into on the street, but all night, her words kept on running through my head.

The next day, as I shuffled and wheezed my way out to the car, I looked at myself. What had happened to me? I was a bit fat. I hadn’t even seen my stomach in a couple of months because my man-boobs had become so large. I had to catch my breath after walking about five hundred feet. Maybe, just maybe, I should walk to work today, seeing as it was only two blocks away. Maybe I should eat some salad instead of a Big Mac tonight? But then, the thought of a delicious Big Mac making it’s way down my throat and into my stomach made me was McDonalds so much more, I threw my plan out the window and hopped into my car (well, more like crushed my car, but this story isn’t about that).

Eating my normal McDonalds breakfast (plus an extra Bacon Egg and Cheese Bagel because I was a little puckish) I seemed to feel myself grow. But was that possible? No, it couldn’t be, I was being ridiculous, after what that old woman said. Once I arrived at work, I tried to open my door, but my side was pressed up against the door just so that I couldn’t reach the handle.

[i]Oh, God, this is embarrassing[/i] I thought, pulling out my cell phone. [i]I’m going to have to call for help so that people can get me out of this car.[/i] But, my hands greasy from the food I had eaten not moments ago, made my hands very slippery. My phone slipped out of my grasp, bounced off of my very large stomach, and onto the floor by my feet. I tried to bend down and pick it up, but I was so large that I was unable to move even the slightest.

It was then when reality hit me. I had eaten so much, and grown so large, that I was permanently trapped in here unless I lost the weight. Seeing as I couldn’t stop eating (for everyone needs at least five full meals a day) I would just have to eat healthy. But then, I realized, the only places that I could get food would be at Drive-Thru restaurants like McDonalds, Burger King, and KFC.

That was four years ago. I am still here, to this day, stuck in this car, forced to eat food from fast food restaurants. I know that I shall never grow any smaller, and I am doomed to live here until the day that I die. Do not be like me. Do not fall under the Fast Food Curse. Quickly, you have a chance! Go outside and run around or eat some carrots! Just don’t have the same fate that I do! Please! For your sake!

This is just something funny that I thought people would enjoy reading. It comes from my many days of working as a McDonalds employee and seeing all of the fabulous people who come through! Yes, these are the stories that we assume our larger of our customers have. I just thought that I shine some light on what it was like to be someone who has suffered the "Fast Food Curse". I do not wish for it to fall upon any of you, as if has for so many already!

Hi there! Priceless here for your review

Okay...um...was this supposed to be a comedy? It didn't sound like a serious story (The Fast Food Curse? Seriously?) and yet, it wasn't quite funny enough to be a comedy so I'm a bit confused here. If it was meant to be a comedy, I think you should revise it, make the tone more playful. But if it was meant to be a serious story, you need to get rid of the whole curse thing, it's just weird.

Hello, my name is Patrick, and this is my unfortunate tale. It is a story of woe, despair, and misery, namely, my own. It is a story of life lessons, also, ones that teach you that it is very good to be a healthy person. If you thought that just being fat was unfortunate, then you need to listen to what I have to say. Please, I beg of you, do not let my fate fall upon you. Do not enter the wrath of…The Fast Food Curse!

For example, this makes me think it's a comedy, because the 'woe, despair and misery' is over-exaggerated, and of course the mention of The Fast Food Curse.
I didn't think this was a very nice beginning. Your first few sentences have got to grab the reader, they've got to be the most interesting.

I did not particularly pay attention to this woman, because, well, look how many crazies there are in the world!

Avoid exclamation marks in a story.

There was no need to heed a crazy old lady I bumped into on the street, but all night, her words kept on running through my head.

This sentence is too long. Break it up with some punctuation.

But then, the thought of a delicious Big Mac making it’s way down my throat and into my stomach made me was McDonalds so much more, I threw my plan out the window and hopped into my car

This didn't make sense.

But then, I realized, the only places that I could get food would be at Drive-Thru restaurants like McDonalds, Burger King, and KFC.

o.O Couldn't he cook?

That was four years ago. I am still here, to this day, stuck in this car, forced to eat food from fast food restaurants.

That's impossible...he can't go four years without eating food, he'd die. And surely people would have noticed and tried to help him. And if he can't get out of the car, and he can't reach his phone, how is he 'forced to eat food from fast food restaurants'?

Okay, I probably sounded super harsh, but I really agree with what you're trying to tell people. I like your message, getting people to eat healthy. Your story just needs a little more improvement to make it shine. Keep writing! Let me know if you have any questions.

Well, this was just a redicoulous funny thing (not ment to be seriously funny, just slightly amusing) and I thought that it would be funny if he had no way to get out of his car and was cursed to eat fast food forever. If he can't get out, he can't cook fro himself, and, I don't know, it was just a little thing that popped into my head that I thought people would find amusing. Thank you very much for your comments and I encourage you to read my more serious (and better) writing. Thank you very much!

Hey there!

So well, good work. I did enjoy this.

Although, I;m sure you can think of a better title than McDonald's man.

My main quip is you add these tags in the beginning and the end about 'teaching people' to not over-eat. I think your message would be much more effective if you didn't ,make it sound like he;s advising people. Make it a funny trouble of him being stuck forever and no one noticing him and all that. Try to make it funny enough so that people understand without having to resort to such lines.

As to the writing, I liked the tone you used. I t was effective in this type of portrayal. So, good going, m'dear.
But I do think you could up this by showing us a little more emotion and struggle. Rather than just stating it.

Still, good work!
~L

I love how satiric this writing is, and i also enjoy how you listed all the different places he would go. It is fun to read because it is so unralistically realistic, and maybe, Who knows? It will make us think about our diets.