Young Writers Society

i didnt put this under the romantic story category 'cause i dont feel something so dark can ever be true love.
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Phantom blue eyes looked up at her as she caressed her fingers over the flawless skin. She blew him a silent kiss as her eyes took him in hungrily. She sniffed in his smell, a fragrance which belonged only to him, like his customized cologne. The wood’s chilly breeze ruffled their clothes making her shiver. She snuggled closer into his arms. He stayed unmoving.
She leaned in to kiss his cheekbone. It was cold. Concerned, she rubbed his hands in hers to warm him up. He seemed to be smiling as she continued with her fondling. The towering trees caste spectre's' in form of shadows. Twilight was sinking away. But she wasn’t scared, she had her prince with her.
She laid her cheek against his head, taking delight in the way his silky soft blonde hair felt against her skin. She knotted her hands in the silver strands, planting a desire sated kiss on his lips. His hands lay wrapped around her in a loose grip. Slowly, she let go.
She moved away to look at him but darkness camouflaged the finer details. His crooked smile was alluring in a way, making her want to return back to his waiting arms. His stained shirt hung free over his perfect body. He was the very embodiment of a Greek god.
The first time she saw him was at a party; she had easily recognized him as a crasher. But he had fit in easily, chatting with everyone. He had even laughed at her friend’s joke. His laugh still rang in her ears, even now in the midst of the dark tree silhouettes. She had fallen in love with him the same day. His very presence had made her heart flutter hopelessly.
They said he had a girlfriend. A cheerleader. She still refused to believe that. He could love no one but her.

She smiled.

Now you are mine, she thought, only mine.
The sereneness of the forest was broken by a howl in the distance. Soundless tears rolled down her cheeks. She crawled closer to him. The smile was still pasted on his face; the eyes twinkled in the moon lit light. She placed a trembling hand over his chest. The cloth was damp with soaked blood. The tears flowed incessantly. She pushed away the dagger which lay on the damp ground.
‘I love you’ she whispered through tears, ‘but you would never let yourself to be mine.’, she inched closer.
‘We were meant to be like this. Together. You are mine forever, I’m forever yours.’, she sobbed.
She spent the remaining of the night digging out the earth. After long hours of work she dragged him into the grave.
‘You will be safe here my love’ she told him as she covered him with dirt.

For the next everyday of her life, she returned back to the grave dutifully. She sat by her prince, filling him up with everything he had missed. Her heart still fluttered in his presence.

Hiya,

First of all, just a couple of nit-picky mistakes:

She blew him a silent kiss; as her grey eyes took him in hungrily.

The ';' isn't needed there

The wood's chill breeze ruffled their cloths makig her shiver.

Spelling mistakes: 'clothes' and 'making' also the word chilly would read better than chill

His crocked smile

Should this say 'crooked smile'...?

The towering trees caste specters in form of shadows

It is spelt 'spectre's'

She had easily recognized his as a crasher

His needs changing to him

Other than those, I enjoyed the story, I liked the twist at the end and it did make me want to read on once I had started.

Good work, hope that helps

Becki

Phantom blue eyes looked up at her as she caressed her pale fingers over the flawless skin. She blew him a silent kiss; as her grey eyes took him in hungrily. She sniffed in his sweet smell, a fragrance which belonged only to him, like his customized cologne. The wood’s chill breeze ruffled their cloths makig her shiver. She snuggled closer into his arms. He stayed unmoving. Maybe letting her enjoy his warmth.
Do you see how many words I've bolded? Those are all adjectives that seem to cluster the paragraph. That's not to say that you can't have any of them, but I feel like you're using too many. In the first sentence it feels as though you use it every other word.

She leaned in to kiss his cheekbone. They were cold. Either "cheekbones" or "it was cold", you have one as singular and one as plural Concerned(comma) she rubbed his hands in hers to warm him up. The last sentence of the first paragraph implies that he is already warm, you're contradicting yourselfHe seemed to be smiling as she continued with her fondling. The towering trees caste specters in the form of shadows. Twilight was sinking away. But she wasn’t scared. She had her prince with her. combine two of these sentences

She laid her cheek against his head, taking delight in the way his silky soft blonde hair felt against her skin. She knotted her hands in the silver strands, planting a desire sated kiss on his lips. His hands lay wrapped around her in a loose grip. Slowly(comma) she let go.

She moved away to look at him. combine these sentences But darkness camouflaged the finer details. His crocked smile was alluring in a way, making her want to return back to his waiting arms. His stained shirt hung free over his perfect body. He was the very embodiment of a Greek god.

The first time she saw him was at a party; she had easily recognized his as a crasher. But he had fit in easily, chatting with everyone. He had even laughed at her friend’s joke. His laugh still rang in her ears, even now in the midst of the dark tree silhouettes. She had fallen in love with him the same day. His very presence had made her heart flutter hopelessly.

They said he had a girlfriend. A cheerleader. She still refused to believe that. He could love none < change to "no one" but her.

She smiled.

Now you are mine, she thought, only mine. Bit creepy

The sereneness of the forest was broken by a howl in the distance. Soundless tears rolled down her cheeks. She crawled closer to him. The smile was still pasted on his face; the eyes twinkled in the moon lit light. She placed a trembling hand over his chest. The cloth was damp with soaked blood. The tears flowed incessantly. She pushed away the dagger which lay on the damp ground.

‘I love you’ she whispered through tears, ‘but you would never let yourself to be mine(period)’ She inched closer.

‘We were meant to be like this. Together. You are mine forever, I’m forever yours(comma)’ she sobbed.

She spent the remaining of the night digging out the earth. After long hours of work she dragged him into the grave.

‘You will be safe here my love’ she told him as she covered him with dirt.

For the next everyday of her life, she returned back to the grave dutifully. She sat by her prince, filling him up with everything he had missed. Her heart still fluttered in his presence.

Oh wow.
Definitely a very creepy story, I hadn't expected it to take that turn. Aside from the times when you used more adjectives than was needed, this was written quite well, and I found that I did enjoy it. I went to review this, expecting it to be a typical romance-teen-angsty story, and I'm glad that it wasn't. Hope the little suggestions helped, nice work

i have edited the faulty parts. hope it makes it better now!

Woah! Well, I read you say it was dark and that's why it wasn't under romance. But I wasn't convinced until I started reading. So great job on the creepy aspect of this. I liked your descriptions, but I feel you could do better. this is kind of dry. there isn't much of a plot and I could tell right away that the guy was dead. Except, as you gave no backround I felt no sadness for him. I mean, it was just plain morbid, and you definitely got me that way. But I felt no real emotions, so try and work that in there. truly make us see how insane the girl is. then make us see why she would be so in love with him to reach this point.

oh you think so?
truthfully i was i hurry. i didnt actually work on it at all. but something is something. i think i will edit it to get in some more emotions.