Love those images, Plume! "key-lime-in-the-summer green" was particularly vivid for me. I remember being like o.o when I first saw a picture of key lime pie, so that line reminded me of that. I also love all the repetition and the long images strung together with dashes - it makes it very recitable.
No, it's not that you didn't succeed. You accomplished a lot, but, if you want to touch people, don't concentrate so much on rhyme and metre. Think more about what you want to say instead of how you're saying it. — LCDR Geordi La Forge
Gender:
Points: 81482
Reviews: 672