Young Writers Society

Ok, so, sometimes life really just sucks becasue apparently I emit this poison that turns my closest friends into witches-with-a-B and they all start to hate me. /-\ I had this one best friend who I've been friends with since kindergarten, and we used to play everything together and do fun things like in the fall we used to name the leaves that would fall off the trees ^^ It was loads of fun and when my baby sister was born in the second grade I went over to her house for a sleep over, and we were bpth wearing the same pajamas ^^ we didn't even plan that! ^^. But, ever since later that year, she has hated my guts but I never did anything wrong /-\ She sneers at me, thinks she's better than me, and now talks about me with another one of my x-friends. Oh, don't get me started on her. She was my friend in like, 5,6 and 7th grade then in 8th grade she hated me /-\ I tried again freshman year, and I even gave her freakin boy advice!! /-\ but now she talks about me when I'm not around. IF YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH ME SAY IT TO MY FACE YOU FREAKIN COWARD!! /-\. This one time, I was sitting in the chapel in my school alone, watching the other kids get on the bus and go home. I hear whispers out sid ethe door and turn to see the witch-with-a-B and one of her new friends that looks like a toad, and a boy that doesn't go to my school. He was pointing at me, whispering questionally (didn't catch the words) and the other two start shaking their heads and whispering franticlly. I heard the words 'she's' and 'lesbian'. I mean no offence agaisnt homosexual people, but I'm not gay! she knew that! I ranted to her hours on end about my crush in the 8th grade!! /-\. I had to leave before I punched her in the face or cried or both. I have a few friends now, especially since I started going to this site ^^
But, yah. there's something about me that either makes my friends move away, or hate my guts /-\ Why? *snifle*

idiot.moron.brainless sick son of an ogre from the jungle.grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

It's been exactly two years since my grandfather died. And I miss him like hell. I can't even believe it's been two whole years. It seems like yesterday, when we were visiting from US and I was nine or ten and we went for a walk in the nearby park and fed the deer (yes, deer) bread. He was the best grandpa anyone could ask for. He loved to read what I wrote, even if it was bullshit. He used to call me *nickname withheld otherwise I'll cry*. He was... he was amazing. I was probably closest to him, out of my grandparents.

I feel terrible right now. And then I think of my mom and how she must feel. Her freaking father died two years ago. I try to imagine a world without my father and damn, now I am crying. I'd be devastated. Probably depressed for the rest of my life.

I wish he hadn't died. Fucking brain tumor. Or some tumor. I don't care. It was incurable at the stage the stupid doctors discovered it. I wish he could see me now... scratch that out. I'm a total screw-up in more ways than one. Physically: do I even need to elaborate? Emotionally: This part is too long. Suffice it to say I'm a wreck. Heck, even spiritually: I don't know what to believe anymore. If there was a god, how could he let my grandpa die like that? Study-wise: Lots of smarts but no motivation. And then I bitch about other kids getting more opportunities than me, and it's because they'll work hard and give a damn about it. Athletics: Apart from swimming, absolutely nothing. Arts: I can't sing, draw, paint, dance or whatever to save my life. Anything more? Oh, right. There's writing. These days, I can't even do that properly. It's complicated and I don't feel like explaining.

But I'm not here to turn this into an "I'm-absolutely-worthless-and-a-failure-and-disappointment" rant, even though it's true. Just no. All I want is the impossible. I want him back. It's not fair. It just proves my theory that the best people have the worst luck, and vice versa. Look at me, for one thing. I'm so damn lucky. My family's rich, I have parents and brothers I love to pieces, I (somewhat) have friends and... just really lucky. And then look at the person I am. I can't help feeling so pathetic and worthless today. I've felt... weird all day.

But now I'm out of steam. Can't rant anymore. *goes and curls up into a ball and tries not to cry*

I really hate how everybody calls me emo all the time.

This is probably really cliché, but there's this really annoying guy in my school. He's 17 and the most annoying person to ever walk the planet. Period. He just... Aaaaaarrggghhhh! There are no words to describe how annoying he is. He messes up my name on purpose just to annoy me, asks me all sorts of weird, perverted and stupid questions and just plain irritates me.

The funny thing is, it only started today. We've both been selected for debate, though different competitions, and al 4 of us (me, my partner, him and his partner) train/practice together. For one, he doesn't even care about the debate. He's there because he was selected. He doesn't do his own work and doesn't let the rest of us work either. But all of us are so sick and tired of it that we welcome the distraction, even if it's annoying as hell.

I just... I don't know what to do. I wish I could sucker-punch him but honestly, I like it. I like it when he annoys me simply because I can't help but smile at his childish antics and because I'm bored as f***. It's almost masochistic. But there will be a point when I will snap. I just know it.

And why does he pretend to care anyway? If you don't give a damn, don't act like you do. See, I was ignoring him because he's so annoying, and he asks me what's wrong. Pffft. As if he actually cares. He just wants a rise out of me, and I'm so bored and sick and tired I'll give it to him.

But I found myself fantasizing about strangling him to death about 5 times today. Hmm. Life is messed up.

I feel like I'm being replaced. I'm hearing one thing from this one person and then getting ten million other signals the next second. Once again, I've allowed myself to fade into the background and I'm sick and tired of prying my way out.

A friendship is supposed to be mutual, meaning that one person shouldn't have to work so hard to keep it together while the other just comes whenever they feel like it. If it's not worth sticking around for, I guess it's not worth the precious moments of time I've lost sitting here pissed over it. I'm tired of the same old sh*tty pattern that leaves me with the short end of the stick.

I'm not spending the rest of my life pissed over something someone else did. If I'm replaced, so be it. Remember that people come into your life for a reason and that they leave for one too. Do me a favor and don't make me leave yours for something as stupid as this sh*t here. At least be creative with it.

I've lost too many friends over the years...and I'm done rolling over for each and every one of them. I'm done keeping my mouth shut, even if talking does nothing to improve our situation. So if being erased is what you want me to be, have a nice life. I guess I don't exist in your world anymore.

So, back here for the same reason. Can't guys ever take a non-verbal hint? Or even a verbal one? Such as "Shut the f*** up"? But no. I don't even know how to describe this because it sort of confuses me as well.

He annoys the shit out of me, but for some insane reason, I stay there and let him. Granted, I don't want to go to class because I haven't done any homework over the past couple of weeks (or classwork, for that matter) and I'd rather die of old age, thank you very much.

But he has a valid point. If I was really that annoyed, I'd go back to class instead of hanging around where he is. But I just don't have anything else to do! I mean, I could go to class, but who in their right mind would voluntarily go to class if they had a choice? Okay, maybe I would. But not this time. I'm done caring, really. I'll have to do my homework and pay attention in class, but that's all. I'm not doing anything above and beyond what I'm supposed to do. Nope.

Today was almost worse. Scratch that, it was worse. Okay, so we're sitting outside doing nothing (we being me, my partner, him and his partner), and he gets the wonderful idea of carving my name (his stupid excuse for a nickname, that is) into a tree, and puts the plan into action before I can do anything about it. Poor tree...

And then we're in the hall, bunking our classes (his partner not there) and he gets the oh-so-wonderful idea of singing crappy love songs just to annoy the hell out of me. And it works pretty well. Except I get an idea to turn one of my poems into a short story, and I tune him out. But it isn't easy when he's using a mic.

And then he tells me that by the end of the year, I'll fall for him. Pffft. As if I'd fall for the single most irritating person I've ever met. Even if I can't help but laugh at his antics. He's such a kid one moment, and then such a flirt the next. (Wait a sec, that reminds me of someone I know...)

This isn't much of a rant, I know, but guys can be such jerks sometimes. And there's nothing much to rant about, except that I think I have a migraine. He's so... so.... *insert scream of frustration here* I think I need some Tylenol.