z

Young Writers Society


Write anything



User avatar
1232 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 0
Reviews: 1232
Thu Feb 24, 2022 2:24 pm
MailicedeNamedy says...



All right for the beginning. Love the rhyme.
Reality is a prison and time is its guard

I´m just a random girl with gentle manners

Every bad voice in your head was once outside
  





User avatar
935 Reviews



Gender: Other
Points: 2806
Reviews: 935
Thu Feb 24, 2022 2:24 pm
Shady says...



It's about time.

"u and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws" - Atticus
"From the fish mother to the fish death god." - lehmanf
"A fish stole my identity. I blame shady" - Omni
[they/he]
  





User avatar
1232 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 0
Reviews: 1232
Thu Feb 24, 2022 2:25 pm
MailicedeNamedy says...



And space
Reality is a prison and time is its guard

I´m just a random girl with gentle manners

Every bad voice in your head was once outside
  





User avatar
935 Reviews



Gender: Other
Points: 2806
Reviews: 935
Thu Feb 24, 2022 2:25 pm
Shady says...



that doesnt rhyme

"u and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws" - Atticus
"From the fish mother to the fish death god." - lehmanf
"A fish stole my identity. I blame shady" - Omni
[they/he]
  





User avatar
1232 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 0
Reviews: 1232
Thu Feb 24, 2022 2:26 pm
MailicedeNamedy says...



Fine
Reality is a prison and time is its guard

I´m just a random girl with gentle manners

Every bad voice in your head was once outside
  





User avatar
30 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 155
Reviews: 30
Thu Feb 24, 2022 2:26 pm
NewHope says...



To and so?
  





User avatar
935 Reviews



Gender: Other
Points: 2806
Reviews: 935
Thu Feb 24, 2022 2:26 pm
Shady says...



here's some thyme

"u and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws" - Atticus
"From the fish mother to the fish death god." - lehmanf
"A fish stole my identity. I blame shady" - Omni
[they/he]
  





User avatar
30 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 155
Reviews: 30
Thu Feb 24, 2022 2:27 pm
NewHope says...



Next one:

I cried in wrenching sobs as the tires spun the dirt and the car turned the corner. And then you were gone. A heavy cloud rained from me every night.
  





User avatar
1232 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 0
Reviews: 1232
Thu Feb 24, 2022 2:28 pm
MailicedeNamedy says...



I like the change of the lenght of the sentences, but the second one seems a bit too short.
Reality is a prison and time is its guard

I´m just a random girl with gentle manners

Every bad voice in your head was once outside
  





User avatar
935 Reviews



Gender: Other
Points: 2806
Reviews: 935
Thu Feb 24, 2022 2:28 pm
Shady says...



sad!

"u and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws" - Atticus
"From the fish mother to the fish death god." - lehmanf
"A fish stole my identity. I blame shady" - Omni
[they/he]
  





User avatar
30 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 155
Reviews: 30
Thu Feb 24, 2022 2:30 pm
NewHope says...



Yep. This is very rough…
  





User avatar
1232 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 0
Reviews: 1232
Thu Feb 24, 2022 2:30 pm
MailicedeNamedy says...



This now isn´t part of the poem?
Reality is a prison and time is its guard

I´m just a random girl with gentle manners

Every bad voice in your head was once outside
  





User avatar
30 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 155
Reviews: 30
Thu Feb 24, 2022 2:31 pm
NewHope says...



No and it isn’t a poem. It is a short story. That if I wanted could make longer.
  





User avatar
1232 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 0
Reviews: 1232
Thu Feb 24, 2022 2:32 pm
MailicedeNamedy says...



You should try to add descriptions.
Reality is a prison and time is its guard

I´m just a random girl with gentle manners

Every bad voice in your head was once outside
  





User avatar
935 Reviews



Gender: Other
Points: 2806
Reviews: 935
Thu Feb 24, 2022 2:32 pm
Shady says...



yii

"u and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws" - Atticus
"From the fish mother to the fish death god." - lehmanf
"A fish stole my identity. I blame shady" - Omni
[they/he]
  








You cannot have a positive life and a negative mind.
— Joyce Meyer