z

Young Writers Society


Recruited: Chapter Five



User avatar
82 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 2557
Reviews: 82
Sat Dec 24, 2011 5:43 pm
TheClosetKidnapper says...



Spoiler! :
Okay, so this one is told from Brandon's view, Lis' brother. It takes place after the flash. Any comments would be much appreciated! :D


Brandon:

The light faded and I had to blink a few dozen times before I could see again. We were in a grand foyer, a chandelier hanging above our heads. Lis took my hand in a sisterly way, frightened of the new surroundings.
The girl waltzed off towards what appeared to be a dining room, expecting us to follow. I squeezed my sister’s hand before separating with her and leading her after the other. She hesitated but caught up, her fingers grazing the belly of my forearm.
“Welcome to the House,” The girl smiled and looked back at us. “I hope you’ll like it here.”
A twinkle glinted in her eyes when she glanced in my direction and Lis pinched me. I elbowed her, sending a glare in her direction. The girl giggled at us.
“My boss will be here soon.” She told us. “He had to pick some of the others up.”
“There are more of us?” I asked.
“Yep,” She nodded. “There are six of you that we’re bringing in but, me included, there are seven.”
“Oh.”
She motioned for us to sit and I took the chair closest, Lis at my side. A door opened somewhere and the girl bounced up and down, smiling.
“Rachel, in here please, dear.” A gruff voice called.
She skipped off. Three pairs of footsteps headed our way.
“I have to make the last run.” The voice said. “Get these four settled.”
The smell of ash tickled my nostrils but Lis seemed unaffected. She shifted her composure when the other two showed their faces, relaxing her expression. I pinched her and she kicked me under the table. Rachel had just brought in a pair of boys. One was older than me, with sandy hair and pained green eyes, and the other was younger, with chocolate hair and lost emeralds for eyes. She liked the younger one, her eyes darting back to him every couple of seconds.
They sat across from us and Rachel skipped off again. The younger one messed with his hair, looking at Lis with his cheeks reddened, before the other elbowed him. He dropped his gaze to the table while the oldest studied us.
“I’m Alex.” Ugh, American. “This is Jason.”
“Brandon,” I glanced at my sister. “Lis.”
“You two brother-sister?” He asked.
I nodded and looked back at him.
“You two have to be brothers.” I said.
He nodded and glanced at the younger one, who was looking at Lis again. He saw that his brother had caught him and looked away.
“Where are you from?” Lis asked.
I sent her a look, not wanting her to talk just yet, but she rolled her eyes, folding her arms.
“Michigan.” Alex replied.
“You were in the war?” I asked, noticing the American stamp on the coat Jason was wearing.
“Yeah.” He replied, not sounding proud of that fact.
He looked at his brother, who was looking at the table. Rachel came in with four files and sat at the head of the table, pushing them forward.
“These are all about you.” She said, passing them out.
I hesitated before opening mine, being the first at the table to.
“What’s the word next to our names?” Lis asked.
“Your code names.” She replied, smiling excitedly. “You can’t be heroes with names like John and Jane. Mr. Callaway had me come up with them. They fit your powers and, from what I could conduct anyway, your personalities.”
Fang. She blushed when I looked up at her.
“I was in the middle of an amazing book when coming up with yours.” She explained. “You don’t have fangs but wolverine was taken.”
Lis showed me hers. Clessidra.
“I was craving Italian food when picking yours.” Rachel told her.
We looked at the brothers. Jason was looking at his still, pretty content, while Alex had his closed and didn’t look happy.
“You don’t like yours, Alex?” Rachel asked.
“Inferno.” He said, looking down. “It’s fine. I just don’t want to look at the report anymore.”
I looked at mine to find that the text below my picture was about how we came to be discovered.
“What does Savante mean?” Jason asked, rubbing the back of his neck in confusion.
“Oh, yours is cool.” Rachel smiled, forgetting about Alex. “It’s Spanish for intelligent one or something. Since most of your powers are mental – “
“He heals.” Alex interrupted, looking at her. “Shouldn’t his name have something to do with that?”
“Correction: he heals himself but is only able to take pain/wounds from people.”
“Okay…”
“That’s not his only power.”
“What else can he do then?”
Jason shifted uncomfortably, looking at his file again.
“He’s one of the most complex of all of you.” She replied. “With the exception of the twins, who aren’t here yet. But that’s a different story.”
He lifted his hand like a kid in a classroom and I hid a smile, finding him amusing.
“You don’t have to raise your hand to speak, Jason.” Rachel smiled.
He dropped it awkwardly and swallowed.
“That man… Callaway… What I saw – “
“Yes, that’s what you think it is.” She interrupted.
Alex sent him a questioning look.
“I’ll tell you later.” Jason told him.
“But yes, Savante is to compliment your intellect.” Rachel said, sitting back.
I closed my file after noticing that everyone else already had and set my hands on my knees.
“Any questions about anything?” She asked.
“We’re staying here?” Lis asked.
“Yes and Mr. Callaway will go over that when he gets back with the others.”
Alex ran a hand through his hair and sighed.
“Is there a problem?” Rachel asked.
“No, I’m just tired.” He replied.
“Would you like to be taken somewhere so you can rest?”
“No, no I’m fine.”
The door opened and we all shifted in one way or another in response. Three more pairs of footsteps traced our way and two girls with metallic white hair and purple eyes appeared. They looked almost exactly the same, the one on the right having a more mature look to herself though. A man sat in the chair Rachel had been in as she ran off somewhere and the twins sat next to me with an empty seat in between.
“Girls, these are the rest of your team.” Callaway told them. “Everyone, this is Cora and Lillian.”
He introduced us one by one to the two. Their skin was of the purest bronze, even throughout. Rachel skipped back in and set a pair of files before them before sitting next to me.
“Say your names out loud, please.” She begged, grinning ear to ear.
“Blizzard.” One of them said.
“Zephyr.” The other said.
Rachel clapped to herself.
“Yours were the most fun to come up with.” She said. “You have so much more than just ice and wind to control, especially when together that I just – “
“Rachel, dear, let them settle.” Callaway interrupted.
She blushed and sat back.
“You never said your name, the super one I mean.” I said.
“Um, I’m not on the team with you.” She said, still smiling. “I’m the creative one though.”
Her eyes dimmed a bit and I wondered why she wasn’t on the team.
“Rachel will show you to your rooms and you can rest up.” Callaway said. “We can talk more after dinner.”
He stood and we all followed. Rachel skipped to the door and led the way to the stairs. The twins stayed at the front of the line and Lis caught up with Jason in the middle, leaving me and the oldest in the back.
“Whatever you’re thinking of me, you shouldn’t judge.” He said.
I glanced at him, confused.
“I have a brother with issues, alright? I know when people critique others.” He explained, looking at his brother.
“It’s just that you don’t seem too thrilled about any of this.” I said.
“That’s ‘cause I almost died yesterday. Then Mr. Medicine took it from me and almost died instead.”
“That’s not all though.”
He studied me.
“If we’re going to be friends, leave the prying at my secrets for Jason. He gets a kick out of it.” He quickened his pace a little to leave my side.
My nose burned with the scent of ash again. What’d I do?
I'm never what I like
I'm double sided
And I just can't hide
I kind of like it
When I make you cry
'Cause I'm twisted up, twisted up
Inside

Semiautomatic
twenty one pilots
  





User avatar
37 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 3404
Reviews: 37
Fri Jan 20, 2012 10:22 pm
ShootingStars says...



shooting Stars is back for a review!
Wonderful job on this chapter! I honestly didn't find many mistAkes, except for what I mentioned on the last chapter about the commas before the quotation marks.
One thing that I also noticed was this...
UpAndOut15 wrote: Lis took my hand in a sisterly way, frightened of the new surroundings.
The girl waltzed off towards what appeared to be a dining room, expecting us to follow. I squeezed my sister’s hand before separating with her and leading her after the other. She hesitated but caught up, her fingers grazing the belly of my forearm.

I was a little confused when you said, "Lis" and then right after that, "the girl". I had to reread over it to figure out you were talking about someone else.
Overall it was great. Love your writings so keep at it!
---Shooting Stars
When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are. Anything your heart desires will come to you. -Jiminy Cricket

Don't be afraid to jump, to leap, to fly too far and don't be scared to touch the stars!
  








We wandered the halls of an infinite magic nursing home, led by a hippo nurse with a torch. Really, just an ordinary night for the Kanes.
— Rick Riordan, The Throne of Fire