I did not want to move to Windy hollow in the first place and now i am stuck in this mess. My name is Carl Johnson and this is a story about the craziest experience in my life. "I heard windy hollow is a great place" Mom said at the breakfast table about 2 weeks before we moved. "But what about all my friends!" i yelled. "Well you will just have to make knew ones honey".
Hey Robert! Dogs here with your review today. So as we can tell obviously this is probably more of a prologue in your book. The job of the prologue is suppose to draw the reader in so that they have to keep on reading, the prologue starts the reader off and keeps them going in some cases. So prologues should be vague but with enough information to keep the reader curious, this prologue is just really more plot line. Your prologue is too vague to really make the reader desperate to read more. So to improve this, I would suggest highly that you really explain more about the "craziest experience in my life" without giving it all away. Rick Riordan does an amazing job of this in the prologue of "The Red Pyramid" if you have read it. I highly suggest that you look over that and try doing a prologue like that kind of style.
Thats all I really have to say, this piece could use a little big of work but I do want to read the rest of your book. Please let me know when you post the next chapter in you book! Keep up the good work!!!
Hi, Robert, Donica here. I think that there is premise with this piece, and i like the fact that your story is called The beginning. But I agree with Dogs as it relates to the prologue and the piece having the resemblance of a plot. Like I say there is premise here. And I am looking forward to knowing the reasons why your character feels the way he does.
Keep on working!
D.S
Reality is concrete. Fantansy is abstract... Dreams are trapped between.
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