Young Writers Society

It was the last day of school. Rebecca should be happy, but she knew something was wrong. After she left her house, she saw a shadow behind her. She was being followed.
When she arrived at the school, the shadow was gone, but she saw a young girl with a ballerina dress and a tall boy with a green shirt she'd never seen before. Why did she find that so strange? They should go to her school, so Rebecca decided the best thing to do was to introduce herself, so she walked towards the two kids. When she was going to say "hi", the boy interrupted her by saying," They are getting close. I have to get Alexander, he is the only one that can kill the dragons." Did he just say dragons?, thought Rebecca. The younger girl responded,"Be quick! I can't handle them by myself, Chris." Chris nodded and ran away, so I turned to the girl." What is happening?", I asked,"Who are you?" The girl smiled, "I'm Trisha, the air chosen one." Rebecca looked at the girl again. She was short, with yellow hair, grey eyes, and a very pale skin."Is the boy the earth chosen one?" ,she asked remembering the tall African kid with bushy, brown hair
and beautiful green eyes. "Yes." she answerd, " You adapt to things faster than I do. That must be beacause I'm only nine." She was only nine? That was very
impressive, judging by the fact that she acted like an adult. Rebecca had a million more questions in mind, when she saw a dark shadow in the sky. Dragons! Trisha acted very quickly. She shot a gust of wind towards one of the dragons, maaking its fire strike itself instead of Trisha. "Stop doing that!", yelled Rebecca, "You are just making it stronger!" "How do you know that?",Trisha yelled back. "I've always liked dragons and fire creatures!", she answered. Wait did that mean maybe she was a fire chosen one? She had to help Trisha and for that she had to be certain she could help without killing herself."Trisha! "Rebecca yelled,"I think I can help!" "How?", she answered. Rebecca quickly explained her plan before the dragon came back. " But what if you aren't a fire chosen one?" answered Trisha. "I guess we have to take chances!" she responded. The dragon was getting up, and slowly moving towards Trisha. When it was about to atack, Rebecca threw herself in front of her friend and recieved alll of the dragon's flames. Luckily she was still alive. She
could finally be usefull in something. Trisha had to get close to the dragon. Rebecca was covering Trisha from the fire while she flew in the sky. Once she was close enough to the dragon she took out a small knife . "EEEEK!!" screeched the dragon as the blade pierced it's skales. "We did it!" yelled Rebecca. The small girl jumped into Rebecca's arms. When she let go, she asked," What is your name?". "Rebecca, the fire chosen one."

It's good, but it I think it moves to fast. I love the idea ( I'm a big fan of dragons ) but more detail would be useful. Also, I liked that the characters are a little younger than what teens would usally read.

Thanks! I'm not done yet, but Thanks alot

Hello Lili, I liked your story, but I agree that it goes a little too fast. I think you should either make the chapter longer, make two parts of the chapter, or make two different chapters. Then there are also some mistakes you did that I would like to point out:
First of all, every time a person speaks, you should start a new paragraph.

maaking its fire strike itself instead of Trisha.

Maaking? Then you should have probably written: making the fire strike the dragon

"I've always liked dragons and fire creatures!"

Hadn't she just seen a dragon for the first time? Or does she mean in stories she'd heard?

as the blade pierced it's skin.

Skin? I don't think dragons have skin. Probably scales.
Anyway, good job, although I really think it's too quick. Keep it up!

Hello Lili, I liked your story, but I agree that it goes a little too fast. I think you should either make the chapter longer, make two parts of the chapter, or make two different chapters. Then there are also some mistakes you did that I would like to point out:
First of all, every time a person speaks, you should start a new paragraph.

maaking its fire strike itself instead of Trisha.

Maaking? Then you should have probably written: making the fire strike the dragon

"I've always liked dragons and fire creatures!"

Hadn't she just seen a dragon for the first time? Or does she mean in stories she'd heard?

as the blade pierced it's skin.

Skin? I don't think dragons have skin. Probably scales.
Anyway, good job, although I really think it's too quick. Keep it up!