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Young Writers Society


The Ranger's Battle (prologue)



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Thu Dec 01, 2011 12:33 am
RedMoon says...



The night was cold and dark. Thunder boomed, lightning flashed, and rain battered at the roof of a small cottage that stood near a swelling river.
Inside sat an old man whose eyes were closed in concentration as he listened to the wind and rain of the storm.
"What's he doing?"
"I don't know."
"He looks like he's listening. Is he listening, Kirsa?"
"I don't know!"
"Children, leave your grandfather alone."
The old man opened his eyes to see two children, a young boy and girl, staring wide-eyed at him. Behind them, their father sat in his own chair, a piece of wood and a knife forgotten in his hands.
"It is alright, Payter. You should never be afraid to ask questions. But shouldn't they be in bed?" the grandfather asked.
"Aye," Payter nodded," but they claim the thunder woke them."
"And I suppose it is to difficult to return to sleep?"
The voice came from the back of the house where a woman stood with her hands on her hips.
"Yes, mother," the children chorused, hope brightening on thier faces.
The woman fixed her eyes on her children, glaring at them untill their heads drooped.
"Let them stay up, Gersia. At least untill the storm ends," Payter intervened, causing the children to whoop with joy.
Not to be outdone, the thunder boomed again untill all was silent in the house. Presently, the little girl (who her brother called Kirsa) noticed that her grandfather's eyes had again closed. He sat unmoving even as Kirsa climbed into his lap and gently shook him.
"Erif says you look like you are listening," she said softly, glancing at her brother. "Are you?"
He smilled and shook his head slowly.
"I am not so much listening as I am thinking," he said. "This night brings many memories with it."
"Memories, grandfather? Of when?" Erif asked, climbing into the opposite side of his grandfather's lap.
"Of the past," was all he answered.
Gersia smilled and said,"It sounds like a wonderful story, don't you agree, Payter."
"Aye, love. What d'ya say, father?" Payter agreeded.
The old man opened his eyes and glared at them.
"No."
"But, grandfather," Kirsa pleaded.
"Please, grandfather. The storm doesn't seem like it's going to stop anytime soon," Erif reasoned.
The grandfather looked at all the hopeful faces in the room. Then he closed his eyes once more, taking in the feelings that the storm brought with it. He let them linger for a moment before opening his eyes to his family.
"Gather, everyone, around my chair, and I shall tell you a tale," he said.
Excited, the children scampered off their grandfather's lap and sat down on the floor in front of him. Payter pulled two chairs close while his wife went to gather blankets. When everyone was gathered, all turned thier attention to the grandfather.
He began quietly, as if hesitant to speak, but his voice soon grew in confidence.
"Many years ago, on a night much like this, a child was born. A child whose destiny was greater than any could imagine . . ."






NOTE: These people are not introductions to characters in the story. They are only there for the sake of the prologue.


NOTE: I will not be continuing this story. Don't ask me why, I don't know why I guess. I just won't finish it. If any one would like to take up the idea, be my guest. I won't be angry.
Last edited by RedMoon on Tue Jan 17, 2012 11:31 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Thu Dec 01, 2011 7:56 am
KingLucifer says...



This is a good start there was no spelling mistakes for what I saw and plenty of dialoge which is good. maybe for the real start you could give a physical description of your character's? and a physical description of the house maybe? it could help the imagineation of the reader to a point. but otherwise this was very good start I hope to read more in the future.

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Sat Dec 10, 2011 6:55 pm
Dragons99 says...



This story is very well written, though I would suggest adding more to the descriptions, even though theyare not main characters. You do not need to say, "He was a _________ boy with _______ colored eyes and _________ hair........................." but say, " He waved his ________ hair and blinked his eyes........" Somethng like that. It will add to the depth of the story and make it more intrigueing. Great job!
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Sun Dec 11, 2011 7:40 pm
MikeMoney says...



I agree with the two ^^; the story, errr prologue is written well, but you could add more detail with the characters maybe the house. Other then that nice job.
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Mon Dec 12, 2011 10:21 am
emilybrodo says...



Intriguing beginning to your story, your characters personalities are nicely developed though due to little description it's hard to imagine them, and when describing try not to be sudden and straight forward (although i haven't seen you do this), try to captivate your reader: her brown hair cascaded down like silky vines -( probably not the best example) instead of: her hair was brown.
That's about it, your story sounds pretty cool : ) Can't wait to read more!
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Wed Dec 14, 2011 4:38 pm
RedMoon says...



Thanks for the reviews. I'll definitely follow the advice you all gave me. :).
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Sat Dec 24, 2011 6:56 pm
OmarEhab says...



Well I am hooked that's all I know! Add a bit of descriptions to the characters just for the sake of the imagination of the reader and for the cottage. That's about it!
"From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
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Fri Jan 06, 2012 12:21 am
RedMoon says...



Having writer's block makes it hard to edit and write. Hopefully, I'll have the first chapter and the edited prolougue done soon. :).
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Tue Jan 17, 2012 11:28 pm
RedMoon says...



I will not be continuing this story. Don't ask me why. I don't know why, I just won't.
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