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Cadet Challenge Chapter One: Meeting the Characters.



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Thu Nov 03, 2011 6:06 am
KingLucifer says...



This is a story I wanted to write its possibly going to be three chapter's long. the people that are shown in here are REAL people. This is mainly a "What if?" kind of story that involves people that I know perosnally from my school that have given me promission to use them in the story. so anyways yea I hope you enjoy the story comment and tell me what you think.

Chapter One: Meeting the Characters.

“Your so pathetic.” she said Sarcastically.

“You Sergeant First Class? Yea right.”

This was something I would hear on a regular basis ever since transferring to Hubbard High School. I was a JROTC Cadet by the name of Andrew Stoddard. I was tall mean looking but gentle. I had black hair and spots of hair across my chin, I was at least 50 pounds over weight. But I was fine with it, I wore solid black pants and a long sleeve hoodie that read on the front of it.

Hubbard High School:
Home of the Greyhounds.

The girl was Amanda Valencia, also a JROTC Cadet and friend. She was short like most girls at the school. she wore her usual school hoodie and faded black jeans, Her brown hair pulled down to her shoulder’s.

“I can make SFC.” I replied.

“Pfft yea right. You can’t do PT, you can’t even lead it let alone do it.” she said.

“So?” I said.

“So how in hell do you even think of making SFC if you can’t even do PT?” she said annoyingly.

“I’ll think of something.” I said tucking my hands into my pockets.

“Yea and what? You have a near, perfect eye for detail and flawlessly ace the tests like nothing. But if you can’t even do PT forget about it.” she said.

“I can do it.” I said my anger starting to edge into my voice.

“Ok prove it! After lunch today we are having PT since Friday there’s no school.” she said excitement within her voice.

“Alright then.” I said.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

We went separate ways I headed up stairs while she went into the girls bathroom. I waited a minute until I was out of ear shoot.


“What am I going to do?” thinking to myself.

I had less than an hour to figure what I was going to do about all this. Thinking of scenarios in my head that would do but all of them lead to Amanda being ashamed of me for breaking my promise. I had to live up to it the only choice I had in the matter. I had admired Amanda in a way for how willing she was able to do things. Not to mention James and Roberto. PT was something each of them had over me, something that kept me from my goal, To become Sargent First Class.

I felt time slowly tick by for me. So I decided to go into my head and pick out stratagems I would use in combat situations. It was a hobby of mine so to speck.

“What would Sun Ztu do in this kind of situation? To do something he didn’t want.” I thought.

“He would have no choice but to do it.” I said aloud.

I looked behind me thinking a friend would show up. Fortunely it was not one of those stereotypical ones. I backed up against a wall and slid down into a sitting position. I decided to rest for what’s coming.

I must have really fallen asleep, cause I heard the bell ringing and voices around me. Students passing me by girls looking down at me smiling.

“Ah shit.” I thought to myself

“That’s the warning bell!” I ran down the hall avoiding as many students as possible. Moving down the stairs and turning the corner into the main hall turning again to the hall that leads to the JROTC Drill hall.

“Come on, come on, come on.” I said aloud.

I grabbed the handle to the hall and quickly walked in. Dropped my book bag in the back and moved into formation just as the bell had rung. I breathed a sigh of relief since none of the three Sargent’s had told me to hit the floor. Amanda walked by and I heard her say.

“Just barely.” as she walked by.

“Stoddard!” I heard Robert call my last name.

“Stoddard Sargent!” I yelled back.

“On the count of three you will recite the Cadet Creed, One, Two, Three, Recite!” he said.

And all at once in a single voice the class recited.

I am an Army Junior ROTC Cadet.
I will always conduct myself to bring credit to my family, country, school and the Corps of
Cadets.
I am loyal and patriotic.
I am the future of the United States of America.
I do not lie, cheat or steal and will always be accountable for my actions and deeds.
I will always practice good citizenship and patriotism.
I will work hard to improve my mind and strengthen my body.
I will seek the mantle of leadership and stand prepared to uphold the Constitution and
the American way of life.

May God grant me the strength to always live by this creed.

“Stand-at-Ease!” Robert called.
Robert continued in giving announcements for next week.
He was wearing black sweats and a hoodie just like mine and Amanda. With a tall looking guy like him he was easily the best cadet in the regiment. For many reasons like teams high grades and was able to lead PT no problem. As he finished I heard a familiar voice from a distance.

“Mr.Velazquez I have an announcement to make of my own.” I heard I turned and saw Lieutenant Colonel Wargo now he looked old about 50 or 60 year’s old wrinkles across his face but had a green short sleeve shirt tucked into his pants that had a golden buckle with forest green pants. Plus he was wearing dress shoes with glasses on and he looked like he maybe going baled.

“Today I have a special game for four cadets in this class. it’s a laser tag system that we had picked up today.” he said with a strong voice.
“When you hear your name come up here. Velazquez, James, Velencia, Stoddard.”

We each got out of formation and stood at attention in front of Colonel Wargo.
“Stoddard do you know whats at stake with this game and what you will gain if you win?” he asked me.

“No Sir!” I said loudly.
He turned back to the formation then looked at the three sergeants standing next to me.
“If you were to fail in winning this game you will be demoted on the second you reenter the drill hall.

I clenched my teeth knowing how bad that was.
“Winning this game will get you promoted to Sargent First Class.” he said.
“This is what I like to call a DePro game. You either fail and get demoted or win and get promoted.” he said strongly knowing the tension in the air.

“This does not apply to these three over here.” he said extending his arm towards the three.
“Now we will commence now Mr.Stoddard since you’re at the disadvantage you are allowed a thirty second head start into an area of your choice. And you can choice the weapons of the three sergeants and your own weaponry.” he said Pointing towards his office.

“The Sergeants can pick as they please sir!” I yelled.

He nodded then I went over to his office and saw a whole arsenal of laser tag weapons. I smiled there were laser tag machine guns, pistols, shotguns and what not. I took three things a laser tag knife and two pistols. I was given a red vest to monitor how many times I can be shot at. Five hearts it registered. A wire led to a wrist that showed the five hearts.

I practiced with my equipment with whatever time I could I held the pisol in my right hand straight out in front of me and knife in my left over my right arm, the point going in the direction of the barrel.

“Quick in change from long range to close range fighting.” I said to myself.

As the sergeants came back each held a machine gun their secondary was a either a shotgun or pistol. They were all wearing vests, the same as mine except theirs was blue. With wires going to their wrists.

“Now Mr.Stoddard anything you would like to tell these three before your choice of area?” he said.

“Yes sir.” I said.

I looked at the three each in there eyes.

“You guys won’t win separately.” I said

“Is that all?” Colonel Wargo said.

I nodded.

“Anything you three would like to say?”

“Yes sir!” James said.

He looked at me. “Don’t get cocky already Stoddard, or else this will be a short game.”

I smiled at him.

“Mr.Stoddard your area of choice?”

“The basement area of this school!” I said proudly.

I saw James his cocky smile dropped quickly.

“Very well Mr. Stoddard as I said a thirty second head start. Also one other thing hand to hand combat is allowed your able to tie up each other as you need to. Just no injuries or blood being spilled if you could. I would advise you DON’T, cause anything like that. Now head start Mr. Stoddard”

I ran off to the left and into the darkness I descended. I was the beast they would fear in the darkness.
An angel, a knight, a man who will bring light to where there is only darkness, I am the Morning Star, the Bringer of Light, hail to me as I am King Lucifer!

Formerly: Avalon
  





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Fri Nov 04, 2011 1:43 am
MariaRowlands says...



THAT WAS SOOOO COOL! Loads of tension, plenty of action and the air of adventure! Perfect story in my eyes! I love it!
May The Blood of my Enemies Flow Like Rivers to the Sea
  





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Fri Nov 04, 2011 1:52 am
bamaisme says...



wow... amazing story! please write more!!
  





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Sat Nov 05, 2011 3:32 pm
NightStar2566 says...



I love the story but I'm not a huge fan of it. I like that its based on military school but it's not my type. I love action and adventure stories like the page said but this one was just not the best i read. Try to make it more adventurous if it's an adventure story.
n1ght5t@r
  





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Sat Dec 10, 2011 5:39 pm
autumnleaves17 says...



I'm getting that this is a military school, and I like the description, and the way you let the reader know what the character is thinking...
Some grammar and spelling mistakes though, would advise just looking over those as they distract me from the real story.
To take the first part, just for example...

“You're so pathetic,” she said sarcastically.

“You, Sergeant First Class? Yeah right.”


Your descriptions of characters are good, and just by telling me what they wear I can sort of get what sort of person they are. Your description of Amanda is good, just a some little things;

The girl was Amanda Valencia, also a JROTC Cadet and friend. She was short like most girls at the school. She wore her usual school hoodie and faded black jeans, her brown hair pulled down to her shoulders.


With the Cadet Creed part, I would just suggest that you put in speech marks, so the reader knows where it begins and ends.

“On the count of three you will recite the Cadet Creed, One, Two, Three, Recite!” he said.

And all at once in a single voice the class recited;

"I am an Army Junior ROTC Cadet.
I will always conduct myself to bring credit to my family, country, school and the Corps of
Cadets.
I am loyal and patriotic.
I am the future of the United States of America.
I do not lie, cheat or steal and will always be accountable for my actions and deeds.
I will always practice good citizenship and patriotism.
I will work hard to improve my mind and strengthen my body.
I will seek the mantle of leadership and stand prepared to uphold the Constitution and
the American way of life.

May God grant me the strength to always live by this creed."


Like I said, just little things.

The story is really interesting so far, I'm just adding this so you can improve.
There are plenty of hints at adventure in this part of the story so I hope the next bit delivers!
  








Poetry is a phantom script telling how rainbows are made and why they go away.
— Carl Sandburg