I'm wishy-washy on this one. On the one hand, it hints at a "die a hero or live long enough to become a villain" arc; on the other hand, the language is stale and uninviting. It doesn't draw the reader into the setting, character, voice, or conflict -- it's just a sentence. Anyone could write that sentence. Write a sentence that only you can write, and you'll give the reader a clearer picture of where the story's going to go from there.
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Sweat trickled down the side of Jazai's face and washed away the gray paint.
Gender:
Points: 50
Reviews: 425