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Young Writers Society


The Real Rules Writing Project



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Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 6
Wed Feb 14, 2007 11:19 pm
TotalTrekkie says...



This project is where you find a rule that you always hhear from adults (or used to!) and write the real reason why there is that rule.

Each entry can include

1. The Classic Rule
2. The Normal Reason
3. The Truth (Your reason)

These rules can be as wacky as you want and they can be based on any kind of rule (school rule, law of nature, etc)

Here are my examples:

Rule 713:
Don’t ride on swivel chairs.
The Reason:
“They’re dangerous”
The Truth:
Swivel chairs used to be real people, but a plague in 1980’s turned them all into swivel chairs. Adults still feel the pain of losing their dear friends, so they would rather you sit in the chair instead of having fun riding on them.

Rule ∞:
Don’t talk to strangers
The Reason:
“They’re creepy!!”
The Truth:
Strangers are all really secret agents from Mars who want to enlist you into the Imperial Mars Army. Mars is at war with Neptune, our ally, so adults don’t want us to betray Neptune.

Rule 3.141592…:
Don’t wear hats in school
The Reason;
“They’re distracting.”
The Truth:
Teachers are just jealous because you have a cool hat and they don’t.

Rule 71.386999999…:
You must be over 18 to vote.
The Reason:
“Anyone who’s not a legal adult cannot make the right choices for themselves (yeah right…).”
The Truth:
Voting polls and absentee ballots can sense when someone is under 18, so they’ll gobble you up and turn you into a shiny new fountain pen. This is because voting polls and absentee ballots are rigged anyway, so the criminals add on this extra feature for only $19.95 ($2:00 SPH)!

Rule 1:
The majority of humans have two legs.
The Reason:
“That was just the way that humans evolved.”
The Truth:
Humans used to have three legs, but in 1923 everyone lost one when Rombulans flooded Earth with electro-static plasma shockwaves so everyone had gotten radiation sickness.

Rule 204:
No running near a pool.
The Reason:
“It’s not safe”
The Truth:
There are goblins living underneath the pavement surrounding a pool because they like the moist climate. The goblins are very intellectual people and they don’t like it when people stomp around above their homes when they are trying to read Tolkien’s entire works.

Rule 100000000000000.000000000000000000000000001:
The ocean is blue is very sunny and clear climates.
The Reason:
“The ocean reflects off the blue sky.”
The Truth:
The ocean contains millions of shiny blue plankton that light the water up blue during the day. At night the shiny black plankton come out and scare away all the shiny blue plankton to another part of the world.
GAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
  





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Wed Feb 14, 2007 11:50 pm
Cade says...



Rule -7:
Allowances are a privilege, not a right.

The Reason:
You have a responsibility to do chores if you live in the house.

The Truth:
Adults like to keep us under the impression that they are being outrageously kind by rewarding us with cash so that we will later pick out and pay for nice nursing homes.

Like that?
Colleen
"My pet, I've been to the devil, and he's a very dull fellow. I won't go there again, even for you..."
  





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Points: 2290
Reviews: 17
Thu Feb 15, 2007 2:39 am
Kitkat_1122_ says...



Rule 3/4:
Never take candy from a stranger

The Reason:

It might be poisonous, and the stranger can use it to lure you into his/her car where he/she can kidnap you.

The Truth:
The candy from strangers gives you the power to be able to fly and your parents don't want you to have a power that they don't have, especially being able to fly.
  





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Thu Feb 15, 2007 5:30 am
luna_the_shiekah says...



Rule FxW
Do not wear any form of clothing with satanic origin

The Reason:
Because Satan may communicate to you through such fabric insignias.

The Truth
Corporations are more frightened by the idea of ol' scratch taking over their clothing industry and turning it into something far more profitable and evil than anything they could do.
I cannot name this
I cannot explain this
and I really don't want to
just call me shameless.

-Ani Di Franco "Shameless"
  





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758 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 5890
Reviews: 758
Sat Feb 17, 2007 3:24 am
Cade says...



Rule #67:
You must go to gym class.

The Reason:

It keeps you fit and teaches you important things about physical health so you don't end up morbidly obese.

The Truth:
Adults really just like seeing less athletic adolescents being completely humiliated by their peers. Especially by slutty cheerleaders whose shorts have been rolled down so many times you can see, well, more than you want to.
"My pet, I've been to the devil, and he's a very dull fellow. I won't go there again, even for you..."
  





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253 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 253
Mon Feb 19, 2007 6:39 pm
CK Lynn says...



Rule #890000000343:
"Always say thank-you after someone gives you a gift.

The Reason:
"It shows courtesy and tells people you care."

The Truth:
Thank-you is a password to cloaked spaceships telling them you don't want total annhilalation of humans. It also tells the SECRET AGENCY OF INDEPENTDENT ADOLOSECENTS that you are a mindless adult-driven drone and are not worth their time to make you into an undercover agent.[/b]
  





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Points: 890
Reviews: 34
Mon Feb 19, 2007 10:45 pm
HeadInTheClouds says...



Rule 2657385.00000000023:
Don't bring weapons to school.

Reason:
Other students and faculty could be put in harms way.

The Truth:
The teachers are just jealous that you have a cool (fill in the blank), and by confiscating said (fill in the blank) and punishing the student who brings it, they come into posession of a cool new (fill in the blank) and have the added bonus of punishing a student, which of course is all teachers favourite pastime.
If I don't write to empty my mind, I go mad. ~Lord Byron

Captain Jack is back May 25!
  





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Gender: Female
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Reviews: 72
Thu Feb 22, 2007 5:32 am
luna_the_shiekah says...



Rule 33
Don't download music illegally.

Reason:
It takes away money from the artists and staff that worked so hard to make the singer's dream come true.

The Truth
The singers are just worried that they'll have to go back to playing at skanky bars and clubs and no longer be able to buy overpriced Bentleys and Vera Wang gowns. Or that they'll be forced to live like us normal folks again without cameras and people knowing their name better than they know their multiplication tables. Or worse yet, they'll have to go back to high school because their back stage education really didn't do anything except let them skid through lessons.
I cannot name this
I cannot explain this
and I really don't want to
just call me shameless.

-Ani Di Franco "Shameless"
  





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Sun Feb 25, 2007 10:37 pm
IlluminatedManuscript says...



Rule 42: Finish your dang vegetables.

Reason: There are starving children in Ethiopia!

The Truth: If you didn't eat all the food your parents prepare, they would have a moral obligation to actually send the rest to starving children in Ethiopia. And the shipping costs would be ridiculous.

I think I once read a children's book with explanations like this. For example; you should always brush your hair because without constant pulling on it, it'll just shrink right back into your head. Anyone know what book that is?

Oh, and I do like that one, Colleen. I think it's 100% true.
  





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Tue Feb 27, 2007 12:09 am
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chocolatechipmuffin says...



The Rule
Everyone must take gym.
The Reason
It keeps the fat kids in shape.
The Truth
Gym teachers belong to a secret agent organization that is constantly looking for new junior agents to be their spies inside schools. They need agents who are physically fit, and thus able to fight off the [insert delinquent]. They look at the kids who do well, kidnap them for training, and then return them to the school as secret agents.
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 72
Fri Mar 02, 2007 4:23 am
luna_the_shiekah says...



Rule .3467
Do as I say not as I do.

The Reason
Everyone's parents make mistakes that they don't want you to repeat. So listen to their reprimands and don't do their actions.

The Truth
Parents simply don't think about the way their kin take them seriously. Actually that's a lie. They get money into a secret account every time their hypocritical or use that phrase. The monkeys pay them to do so. Those stupid primates...
I cannot name this
I cannot explain this
and I really don't want to
just call me shameless.

-Ani Di Franco "Shameless"
  





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Points: 8413
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Wed Mar 21, 2007 9:53 pm
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Leja says...



Rule 752:
Turn the music down!

The Reason:
Parents don't want to listen to it all the way in the next county.

The Real Reason:
The walls really do have ears, but their hearing is so sensitive that the noise of the music deafens them; this is the real reason that loud music angers the parents because now they can't get a report of what you said while talking on the telephone
  








Most people ignore most poetry because most poetry ignores most people.
— Adrian Mitchell